IS SOCIAL MEDIA REALLY THE PROBLEM?

The blame culture is one that has always been there, lurking, waiting to pounce the second there is a tragedy for which there is no individual who will take responsibility because, it’s much easier to point the finger at somebody, or something else than to look at ourselves. But that is often, in my opinion, what we need to do.

Death and I are in conversation at least twice a week and it’s always the same – (me) “should I keep going with this thing called life, or should I be just done with it?”. (death) “Be done with it! Is there any point in living just to struggle, have never-ending battles, be permanently exhausted, to give so much and receive so little? Just make everything stop, once and for all”. The fight to stay is one I don't quite know how to articulate...

For a positive person who is full of life, supportive and encouraging of others, most would find it shocking to learn that thoughts of suicide have plagued my mind since I was a teenager - I once wrote in a poem that death would be the ultimate relief of my pain. God willing, reaching my 40^th chapter this year will itself be a miracle. Why though? Why, if I am somebody so positively focused, with little to worry or complain about, do I often feel as though I cannot deal anymore and then think about ending my own life?

People.

Government failings = people (persons appointed to positions of power passing taxing policies).

Housing failings = people (Landlords - private, council, rouge who won't improve living conditions).

Antisocial behaviour = people (deliberate noise nuisance, street damage, violence, etc.).

Online bullying = people (self-loathing types who hurt others with their targeted negative posts).

Long work hours = people (employers who don't understand work-life balance is a must!).

Manipulative colleagues = people (some enjoy the wave of conflict that follows gossip).

Absence of loved ones = people (family and friends who don't stay in touch or do so halfheartedly).

Ryanair = people (never known of an airline to get away with so much wrongdoing!)

Selective circles = people (e.g. the Blogging 'community', in my experience, is nonsense unless you blog about beauty, health, travel, makeup and the alike).

PEOPLE!

So, back to the question: Is social media really the problem? SM platforms are operated by people. They are used by people. They are spammed 24/7 with content created by people. In my opinion, social media (the software, the platform) is not the problem. The problem is the way certain people choose to use them and, sadly, there isn't much you or I can do to prevent such people from carrying on with their nasty antics. It's up to the founders/developers/regulators of these social media platforms (this includes emails, WhatsApp and the rest) to put in place a more on-point method to permanently block users from being vile online.

Suicide rates seem to be on the rise. I do not believe this is because there's a new breed of people who cannot be bothered to live but because life is unnecessarily challenging nowadays. I think there are too many of us who feel suffocated by our day to day roles, responsibilities, worldly changes and having to accept that SO much of what we find unbearable is out of our control. We get very little support or understanding from employers, the government continue to be a letdown, family relationships are not as strong as they use to be, friendships are mostly virtual and everything else in between is more off than on so, we rarely know where we stand with anything or anyone and all of that can have a person feel a level of pressure, stress, anxiety (and more) that one cannot ever learn to manage. To then find that the online spaces (where one might go to feel uplifted and comforted) are used by some to abuse and tear down is, for many, the absolute final straw. It's A LOT whether you can imagine it to be or not; whether you believe it to be or not!

Quotes to stay positive, to keep on, to focus and stay resilient are helpful to a very short extent. Now, more than ever, WE NEED EACH OTHER! We need to be connected the way we once were; how it was in the '80s and '90s. Pick up the phone! Make a surprise visit! Send an unexpected gift! Post a thoughtful card! Extend a hearty invitation to do a fun activity! BE PRESENT IN EACH OTHER'S LIVES!!! For fuck's sake, CONSIDER ONE ANOTHER! Yes, I swore! I'm frustrated! It's getting so bad out here, man! We have EACH got to take responsibility before there is an epidemic of suicides, real talk!! Who, amongst your loved ones, are hiding pain and hurt beneath a bubbly exterior? You cannot make someone talk to you about their demons BUT, you can be physically present in a way that will let them know you are available to hear them if and when they're ready.

Not wanting to make any assumptions, but having done a fair amount of research, it would appear that most who are found to have ended their lives have done so believing it to be their only option to be relieved from their troubles. That's definitely how I sometimes feel. These are incredibly worrying times we are living in where too many can so easily start to feel they are drowning in a world all-consumed by trashing anybody and everybody for the sake of a 'story', gossip, to 'elevate' themselves, to profit from the downfall of somebody else and the rest. I do not believe the media (magazines, newspapers, news outlets) are the issue - there are a few publications who serve only to positively inspire such as The Happy Newspaper. It's some of the so-called EDITORS and their choice to allow journalists, photographers, etc., to share lies, publish horrid images and whatever else just to humiliate all in the name of 'entertainment' or some other self-serving reason. THEY are at fault. THEY are to blame! People. They all should be sacked and never allowed to work within the industry again.

THINK about your connections, your online sharing, your interactions, your communications, your personal investments in others and be honest with how, if at all, you are contributing towards healthy relationships with your loved ones and in the online spaces. If you know you can be a better friend, brother, sister, mother, father, auntie, uncle, brother-in-law, parent, guardian, teacher, employer, employee, colleague, a user of social media, etc., FIX UP because YOU could be all someone needs to choose life over death! Real talk!!

If you feel you cannot be there for others because you're battling inner turmoil yourself, reach out to a Health Professional and take their first available appointment to discuss how their services may be of help to you. You can do this virtually, over the phone, or in person. There are so many options. Speak out. You're human, flawed, imperfect, possibly damaged and in need of a little spruce. Who isn't? There's no shame in doing all that you can, within reason, to overcome your struggles; to STAY ALIVE! Therapy does work. It's the reason I'm still here... Let's start openly, positively talking to one another without prejudice, discrimination, etc.

Those who deliberately cause pain are hurting. Those who are being hurt are in pain. EVERYBODY is in need of rescuing in some way, shape, or form and NOBODY needs to walk any path alone.

God bless us all.

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!

I'm a self-proclaimed fixer. I like to motivate, inspire, positively encourage, generously support and be the go-to for help and assistance (within reason) where possible. BUT, truth be told, despite having done the job on and off for umpteen years, which I believed would enable me to 'happily' be all of those things, I've realised how much I loathe the role of a Receptionist/Corporate Receptionist/Reception Manager/Reception Anything! Sitting at a desk all day (usually freezing my nips off) in a space where there is little to zero natural light and an obnoxious 'security' guard (or two more than is needed) who is high on thinking they are the Jesus of the building (whom nobody prayed for) and won't quit talking about anything and everything in a bid to ensure the silence (often sought after by the Receptionist) is filled is not for me! (That said, I have met some lovely, understanding security guards over the years whom I became very fond of). The reception gig is beyond exhausting and SO much more than given credit for. I mean, just take a look at the expected (although not 'contractually' obligated) list below!

• Smile 24/7 (never mind how much your whole head might ache from this unnatural force of nature) as though your face has been permanently frozen to make you look like The Joker!

• ALWAYS be open to and ready for conversations about the weather because Lord knows, everybody and their dog coming through the doors will want to inform you (since you won't have realised for yourself) that it's either cold, hot, windy, snowing, raining or some other condition worth complaining about.

• Tell your business! Yes, even begrudgingly. Tell it all!! When asked where you live, give your full address. When asked about your relationship status, give all details - name of your spouse, their age, their blood type..... You do not have the right to keep your business to yourself! You are to share every personal detail of your private life to the random's you work with and the strangers who pass through the reception/lobby.

• Laugh. Laugh at all 'jokes', no matter how inappropriate or crude, insulting, defamatory, racist, homophobic, etc. Laugh. The person in front of you is a renowned Comedian and you, by being on the reception desk, have automatically 'won' yourself a ticket to be their one and only 'privileged' audience member!

• Allow anyone to flirt with you. Secretly, openly, outrageously, in whichever way they like as and when they want to regardless of the possibility that such behaviour may cross the line and negatively impact on you.

• You will speak on demand. You do not have the choice to remain quiet and focused on something. If somebody wants to engage in conversation - work-related, personal, jovial, absolute turd - you MUST give them your full attention for however long they stay to converse with you and anything you put on hold to do so you'll then need to continue with later. That includes the 5 minutes of peace you were trying to have because, you know, being on reception isn't at all draining. How could it be?

• SEE and KNOW everything - never miss anything being said or done because, when questioned (randomly) about anything and everything, you must have the answers and then some. Your knowledge needs to expand beyond your site-specific training; way beyond the job spec and, of course, exceptionally above company information (this doesn't even make sense but, you best believe it will ALWAYS be expected of you). You've got to know all about the surrounding area: you'd do well to remember that you are Google Maps, a TFL Representative, Post Office Clerk, Travel Agent, Newsagent, Beauty Expert, Part-Time Tailor Advisor, Lift Engineer and everything in between. God, you're amazing!!

• Entertain. Be funny, be complimentary, be insightful, be high-spirited. But, do not be all Jazz hands for you may offend somebody who 'perceives' your open palm gestures as 'aggressive' and, of course, make sure you limit displays of emotional connection to anything being said or done around you. The more robot you are, the more chance you have of a promotion *wink wink*.

• Never show signs or speak of being tired. You are superhuman; a robot and you run on something that would outperform Duracell time and time again. You have no off button, come with a pre-programmed filter, will only tell people what they want to hear and you will forever be the right combination of fluff and bubbly, smart and 'away with the fairies', laid back and professional!

• You are immaculate all the time. Your hair is perfect. Your face is flawless every day, your eyes are bright and focused. Your attire is high quality, stylish, fitted and there is never a crease in sight. You sit tall, straight back, poised and alert. Only a human would occasionally slump or rest their chin on a hand propped up by the arm and elbow it's attached to whilst battling boredom and exhaustion. Remember, you do not get tired between the hours of 07:00 to 19:00. Daily.

I am so done with jobs where there is very little to do or nothing remotely stimulating beyond trying to stay awake and 'switched on'. No joy comes from being treated like a purpose-built robot slave who is subjected to ignorance, arrogance, backhanded insults and more for 40+ hours a week!! It's nice to be seen, respected, appreciated, valued and considered. Is that not what we all want? As a receptionist, this is not often the case unless someone needs something from you. It's also a very routinely boring and often soul-destroying job, especially if, apart from a security guard (whom you may not want to converse with) you're alone. I once really enjoyed working Front of House roles, however, I know I need something different now, a varied and challenging role that maybe frightens me a bit and perhaps forces me to acquire new skills (but which doesn't necessarily feel like a job)... Something fun, educational, with genuine opportunities to progress, organising events, or within media and entertainment again, etc. (although, as per my experiences, that field can be the worst for ego-related drama); where I can motivate, inspire, positively encourage and the rest. One which also offers a healthy work-life balance - I don't know about you, but I barely get in one holiday a year (due to the average allowance of a stingy 20 days annual leave despite the stupid long days and hours worked throughout the year! RUDE!!)!

It's defo time for me to work less and live more!! I cannot do the long, mind-numbing hours anymore! I need to get myself a more casual gig that I enjoy and will thrive in so I can get back to investing in my creative endeavours which (once again) have taken a back seat because I just don't have the energy or time for them. Also, that's where my happiness lives - when I am happy I'm energised, doing more, achieving more, having better experiences and creating more. Full-time employment, especially, when not at all fulfilling, is draining in every way you can think of... I just cannot deal anymore regardless of the salary attached.

I'm giving myself ONE year, less if I can help it, to secure a part-time gig that will pay the bills, but also leave me with enough time and energy to jump back on the creative horse!