I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!

I'm a self-proclaimed fixer. I like to motivate, inspire, positively encourage, generously support and be the go-to for help and assistance (within reason) where possible. BUT, truth be told, despite having done the job on and off for umpteen years, which I believed would enable me to 'happily' be all of those things, I've realised how much I loathe the role of a Receptionist/Corporate Receptionist/Reception Manager/Reception Anything! Sitting at a desk all day (usually freezing my nips off) in a space where there is little to zero natural light and an obnoxious 'security' guard (or two more than is needed) who is high on thinking they are the Jesus of the building (whom nobody prayed for) and won't quit talking about anything and everything in a bid to ensure the silence (often sought after by the Receptionist) is filled is not for me! (That said, I have met some lovely, understanding security guards over the years whom I became very fond of). The reception gig is beyond exhausting and SO much more than given credit for. I mean, just take a look at the expected (although not 'contractually' obligated) list below!

• Smile 24/7 (never mind how much your whole head might ache from this unnatural force of nature) as though your face has been permanently frozen to make you look like The Joker!

• ALWAYS be open to and ready for conversations about the weather because Lord knows, everybody and their dog coming through the doors will want to inform you (since you won't have realised for yourself) that it's either cold, hot, windy, snowing, raining or some other condition worth complaining about.

• Tell your business! Yes, even begrudgingly. Tell it all!! When asked where you live, give your full address. When asked about your relationship status, give all details - name of your spouse, their age, their blood type..... You do not have the right to keep your business to yourself! You are to share every personal detail of your private life to the random's you work with and the strangers who pass through the reception/lobby.

• Laugh. Laugh at all 'jokes', no matter how inappropriate or crude, insulting, defamatory, racist, homophobic, etc. Laugh. The person in front of you is a renowned Comedian and you, by being on the reception desk, have automatically 'won' yourself a ticket to be their one and only 'privileged' audience member!

• Allow anyone to flirt with you. Secretly, openly, outrageously, in whichever way they like as and when they want to regardless of the possibility that such behaviour may cross the line and negatively impact on you.

• You will speak on demand. You do not have the choice to remain quiet and focused on something. If somebody wants to engage in conversation - work-related, personal, jovial, absolute turd - you MUST give them your full attention for however long they stay to converse with you and anything you put on hold to do so you'll then need to continue with later. That includes the 5 minutes of peace you were trying to have because, you know, being on reception isn't at all draining. How could it be?

• SEE and KNOW everything - never miss anything being said or done because, when questioned (randomly) about anything and everything, you must have the answers and then some. Your knowledge needs to expand beyond your site-specific training; way beyond the job spec and, of course, exceptionally above company information (this doesn't even make sense but, you best believe it will ALWAYS be expected of you). You've got to know all about the surrounding area: you'd do well to remember that you are Google Maps, a TFL Representative, Post Office Clerk, Travel Agent, Newsagent, Beauty Expert, Part-Time Tailor Advisor, Lift Engineer and everything in between. God, you're amazing!!

• Entertain. Be funny, be complimentary, be insightful, be high-spirited. But, do not be all Jazz hands for you may offend somebody who 'perceives' your open palm gestures as 'aggressive' and, of course, make sure you limit displays of emotional connection to anything being said or done around you. The more robot you are, the more chance you have of a promotion *wink wink*.

• Never show signs or speak of being tired. You are superhuman; a robot and you run on something that would outperform Duracell time and time again. You have no off button, come with a pre-programmed filter, will only tell people what they want to hear and you will forever be the right combination of fluff and bubbly, smart and 'away with the fairies', laid back and professional!

• You are immaculate all the time. Your hair is perfect. Your face is flawless every day, your eyes are bright and focused. Your attire is high quality, stylish, fitted and there is never a crease in sight. You sit tall, straight back, poised and alert. Only a human would occasionally slump or rest their chin on a hand propped up by the arm and elbow it's attached to whilst battling boredom and exhaustion. Remember, you do not get tired between the hours of 07:00 to 19:00. Daily.

I am so done with jobs where there is very little to do or nothing remotely stimulating beyond trying to stay awake and 'switched on'. No joy comes from being treated like a purpose-built robot slave who is subjected to ignorance, arrogance, backhanded insults and more for 40+ hours a week!! It's nice to be seen, respected, appreciated, valued and considered. Is that not what we all want? As a receptionist, this is not often the case unless someone needs something from you. It's also a very routinely boring and often soul-destroying job, especially if, apart from a security guard (whom you may not want to converse with) you're alone. I once really enjoyed working Front of House roles, however, I know I need something different now, a varied and challenging role that maybe frightens me a bit and perhaps forces me to acquire new skills (but which doesn't necessarily feel like a job)... Something fun, educational, with genuine opportunities to progress, organising events, or within media and entertainment again, etc. (although, as per my experiences, that field can be the worst for ego-related drama); where I can motivate, inspire, positively encourage and the rest. One which also offers a healthy work-life balance - I don't know about you, but I barely get in one holiday a year (due to the average allowance of a stingy 20 days annual leave despite the stupid long days and hours worked throughout the year! RUDE!!)!

It's defo time for me to work less and live more!! I cannot do the long, mind-numbing hours anymore! I need to get myself a more casual gig that I enjoy and will thrive in so I can get back to investing in my creative endeavours which (once again) have taken a back seat because I just don't have the energy or time for them. Also, that's where my happiness lives - when I am happy I'm energised, doing more, achieving more, having better experiences and creating more. Full-time employment, especially, when not at all fulfilling, is draining in every way you can think of... I just cannot deal anymore regardless of the salary attached.

I'm giving myself ONE year, less if I can help it, to secure a part-time gig that will pay the bills, but also leave me with enough time and energy to jump back on the creative horse!