Friday 13 December 2019

ACHIEVE MORE IN 2020!!

Throughout 2019, I kept a record of how I was doing both personally and professionally. This has given me a clear view of what I want/need to achieve in the new year. One of the reasons I get excited about the festive season is because I like to set aside some time for myself to think back on the year I've had (using my record of notes) and, with that, get ready to do better going forward.

Copyright Charley Jai
Ask yourself this question:
What can I put in place right now to help me start 2020 in the best possible way?

REFLECTION
Phone on silent and placed in another room, centre yourself in a quiet and clutter-free space. Then, with your day to day diary, if you keep one (if not, use your memory), look back on each month and make a note of what your monthly goals were. With those you did not achieve, write down any obstacles and be honest with yourself about how realistic and necessary those goals are to enable you to decide if they should be added to your 2020 list with ideas on what you can/will do differently to succeed.

CONNECTIONS
After you have reflected on your achievements, take some time to think about any relationships that were damaged and if there are positive reasons for repair. You can then think of practical ways to reconcile if you choose to. If the choice is to leave things as they are, make sure you identify a genuine and valuable reason for this so you’re able to move forward without carrying with you the burden of the ties being cut.

If someone (or something) continues to cause you pain and upset, it might be wise to let them go. Likewise, if there are people in your life who are always good to you, whom you’ve realised you don’t make even half the effort with, be kinder to them and show them your appreciation. They will not be around forever. Neither will you.
Copyright Charley Jai

YOUR MANTRA
Something that has helped me to get through the more challenging days this year is having my own motivational phrases (on the walls at home, written down and also memorised) that I can say aloud or quietly to myself to keep me focused, positive and strong both mentally and emotionally. For me, this has worked better than having an inspiring quote saved as the screensaver on my phone so, this will continue to be my go-to motivation tool in 2020.

Here are some of my fave mantra’s (these are not my own):
1. “I am enough”.
2. “I am fearless”.
3. “I am a force for good”.
4. “I am attracting all the love I dream of and deserve”.

ABANDON YOUR COMFORT ZONE
When was the last time you took a spontaneous trip alone or ticked something off your bucket list without waiting for a friend or loved one to be available to accompany you? One of the best ways to continue learning and developing is to go out into the world alone (obviously as safe as possible). There is everything right with spending time in your own company. You don’t need to venture far or spend a silly amount of money to have a great (solo) time!

Last month, I took a lunchtime walk in a direction I’d not been before. I had no idea where I was going and didn’t recognise any of the street names. I just walked and made a note of the route I was taking. I discovered new street art, lovely greenery, picturesque locations (that would later make for a lovely photo-shoot) and I also met someone who (through a brief chat) reminded me that life only truly happens when you take a walk beyond familiarity. Real talk! It was an awesome conversation.

Google image
INDULGE - you deserve to, right?
For the ultimate relaxation, I love to soak in a very hot bath, filled with my fave products from Lush and a good book! For a sense of peace and to give myself a break from regular surroundings, I like to visit a certain spot in London during the early hours of the morning – a quiet walk around or meditating in this space is always a winner for my mind. For solo enjoyment, I like to go to the cinema/theatre (again, as early as possible or whenever most likely to be quiet) and with friends, it can be anything if it has all of us laughing!

As the saying goes, “do more of what you love” at every given opportunity! Before the Christmas mayhem gets underway and the 1st of January arrives, I pray that you give yourself the gift of open and honest self-reflection, time to unwind and ease any tension, as well as some time to do something solo.

Now, if you haven't already, go line up your goals for 2020!! FOCUS!
Try not to let yourself be distracted. You've got this!

Sunday 1 December 2019

CHRISTMAS PREP!

Once again, I have been ready for this season since the end of summer. I really enjoy this time of year and look forward to all the cheese, romance and happiness that comes with it. Preparing in advance allows me to have as much fun with it as possible. Being organised; planning and spreading the cost over 3 – 4 months, often has me in a much better position, financially, for the new year! Nobody wants to be broke in January! 

But, for you, preparation for Christmas might take the excitement out of it. Or, you may enjoy the adrenalin of getting things together in a short; somewhat pressure fuelled, time frame. Either way, here are some ideas and tips to help you prepare for Christmas day!

Presents
Setting yourself a budget is a good place to begin. Also, make use of any creative, or craft skills you have. Sometimes, the best gifts are the ones that have been made with the most amount of love. If there is no creativity in your bones, you can look to the high street.
Copyright Charley Jai
TIP: You can recycle gift packaging from presents you've been given or use colourful tissue paper which is a lot cheaper and ends up the same place as expensive, glossy wrapping paper once the gifts have been opened!
Copyright Charley Jai
Decorative Fun
I love seeing the OTT houses that are turned into a grotto! They are a bit of an eyesore but, at the same time, they defo get me in more of a festive mood. Personally, I’m not one for doing the most with decorations in my home regardless of the season. I prefer to have a few tiny hanging items that are easy to take down and pack away.
Copyright Charley Jai
TIP: For a handful of miniature decorative bits and bobs that will not break the bank, check your local charity shops and discount stores or make your own with help from plenty of How To videos online!

New Experiences
Last year, my chums and I dined at The Jones Family Project in Shoreditch and the food was delicious! It has an upstairs bar for drinks only with the restaurant downstairs which also has a bar to serve diners. I felt that our table was a tad cramped once all the food arrived but, otherwise, it was a really good evening (great atmosphere, pleasant staff, sweet vibe) and plenty of laughter was had! I'd defo return.
Copyright Charley Jai
This year, as well as having more time for myself, the Autumn/Winter goal was to explore new places and spend quality time with loved ones creating significant memories. 

September was all about my birthday and I did a lot including - the Upside Down HouseRome, Venice, Paris and Popworld! I truly had the most fun and thank everybody who joined me for the celebrations! In October I thoroughly enjoyed a Me, Myself and I week which included meditation, a therapy session, plenty of reading and, of course, my beloved Home Spa Experience. I dressed up as Chucky for some Halloween fun too (not that I 'celebrate' the non-Christian tradition). Despite being a challenging month, November served up lots of joy. There were lovely moments with friends (such as a very fun photoshoot in Camden), praise Jah and I discovered/explored a few areas in London (e.g. New Bond Street and Fitzrovia known as 'hidden London') that I'd not been to before (not sure why) and (deep breath) I went on a date!! Get me! HA-HA!
Copyright Charley Jai
I also plan to have a Salt Cave session as I've been told it is so good! For 3 weeks in October I was very sick (severe flu virus and chest infection but, I had to work as my employer does not grant sick pay which meant getting better was a struggle, to say the least. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen my stories sharing the frustration I felt at not feeling myself. Altogether, I was unwell for SEVEN weeks and it was very unpleasant!). What has remained is a chesty cough and a semi-permanent blocked nose together with an on/off headache I can't shake. The Salt Cave will apparently clear my airways, get rid of my dry cough, ease the headache and have me get the best nights sleep I've ever had! 

Have you visited a Salt Cave before? What was your experience? If not, book yourself in if you can! Look for deals on the Groupon app.
Google image
TIP (from a member of staff at the Wandsworth branch): Make sure you wear light clothing, no dark colours and take with you a book and a change of clothes if you intend to go out afterwards. The salt can get everywhere including your phone so, place it inside a plastic cover that you can seal while still being able to use the phone or just put it away!

Probably the most interesting new experience I had was my first ever Hen Do (I was booked as the Photographer - see the collage below, LOL) and, er, yeah........., it was definitely a season highlight!! Ha-ha!

You still have time to do something new, explore a place that's on your list and get together with loved ones (before Christmas day, of course) to share a unique experience which will leave you all with the best memories. Do it!!
Copyright Charley Jai
Fashion and Styling
Okay, so, if Christmas is not the time when you can afford to completely relax where keeping up with fashion is concerned, I don’t know when is! Try not to take it too seriously. Have a laugh and be a bit tacky with it. Dig out some old, wearable pieces fit for the season and style them with some basic accessories. 
Copyright Charley Jai
If you’re attending a festive shindig, Amazon, eBay, Primark, Matalan, iSawitFirst, boutique outlets, high street retail and local fancy-dress shops are usually great for affordable items which you can use again. 

Happy Christmas planning! x

Sunday 10 November 2019

BLACK + FEMALE + INTELLIGENCE = PROBLEM

Disclaimer: this is one black person's reality and that black person is me. This may, or may not be, the experience of other black people. The below might not be a true depiction of the experiences had by every black individual worldwide, however, it is a true account of MY experiences (from as early as 1997). Some of these situations have been isolated, others have been shared with me, or I have witnessed such oppression of a fellow black. Mostly in a work environment where the majority have been white and the minority black. That said, I am aware that some of the statements are applicable to various types of people and I am also greatly aware that not every white person (nor every other race for that matter) has a deeply ingrained hatred for those who are black.



Speak and be ill-judged.
Stay silent and be ill-judged.
Maintain your privacy and be thought of as rude.
Give up your privacy and be thought of as arrogant.

Show passion (or just a flicker of emotion) and be labelled 'aggressive'.
Be physically expressive, with hand gestures etc., when excitedly disclosing something and be labelled 'aggressive'. Breathe or, better still, just exist, and be labelled 'aggressive'.

You are invisible unless, of course, your 'services' are required.

If they stare at you, know that they are simply fascinated which, of course, is a compliment.
If they catch you staring at them, know that you may be arrested because your stare is 'threatening'.

Accept jibes as banter.
Accept passive aggression as affection. 
Accept lies being told about you as the liars very 'valid perception' of you.
Accept that being at the bottom of every food chain is your exclusive norm.
Accept that most, for no reason that can be justified, will be against you as per their norm.
Accept that whatever they say about you will always be true because their words are gospel.
Accept that you will always be the one in the wrong and this is an 'opportunity' for you to learn.
Accept that, unless you have written confirmation, it wasn't said (only when what was said could work in your favour, of course).

Don't smile (allowing your face to fall as it naturally does) and be thought of as cold.
Force a smile (because nobody's face wears a natural permanent smile) and be thought of as intense.

You will be mocked for your confidence.

You will have your strengths used against you.
You will have your morals and beliefs patronized.
You will be made to feel as though your skills and capabilities are not enough.

Belittled much?

The desire is to have you fear them and love them at the same time; to respect them whilst taking their lack of respect for you with a pinch of "no worries".

Be a performing monkey.

Having a good day? Be a performing monkey.
Having a stressful day? Be a performing monkey.
100% well? Be a performing monkey.
Visibly sick? Be a performing monkey.

You are their puppet and you will perform on-demand.

Anything that looks like they're being caring and considerate is, in fact, a calculated move towards their win and your downfall. Your brilliance is not welcome where they, themselves, are trying to excel. Actually, let's be real, it isn't welcome at all...

Share an opinion and offend the entire world.
Sit on your opinions and offend the community.
Switch your feelings off and be labelled a 'problem'.
Be your authentic self and be told: "you're too much".
Keep yourself to yourself and be thought of as a 'shady character'.


Where the hell is the win?!?

Neglect work to stand with the gossips (pretending to be about their noise) just so you're not regarded as one who thinks they're 'too nice' to mingle with such people and be called "difficult" by your superiors. Choose to focus on work (because you genuinely want to progress) instead of joining the gossip crew and they will call you "ignorant".

You are the Black Elephant in the room. They invite you in based on tokenism and make it abundantly clear that, not only do they not really want you there, when it suits them, they can and will discard you usually over a fabricated allegation that everybody else will believe because black is the colour of guilt.

Assert yourself and be called "a bully".
Don't assert yourself and be called "a bully".
If you are one who is direct you might be labelled "a bully".
Be humble but also cautious and risk being labelled a "bully".

FYI: the word bully means - 
a person who habitually seeks to harm those they see as vulnerable. 

Read that FYI again!
Copyright Charley Jai
You are black so, by default, you are a hostile person and this is something you cannot dispute whether there is just one, or a few (irrespective of any supporting evidence), who have openly shared that this is their feeling about you despite them having no problem being in your company time and time again complete with fake smiles, fake conversation, fake laughter, fake warmth, fake everything because their so-called perception replaces all reality.

You do not have options.
You do not have permission to choose between "yes" and "no".
You do what they want you to do as and when they want you to do it.
You are not entitled to feel, according to that which comes naturally, unless instructed to and, even then, those feelings are on loan!

Expect to be tested daily.

Expect to be disrespected.
Expect to have your character challenged.
Expect to have your personality questioned.
Expect to be wrongly perceived and treated accordingly.
Expect to have the person you are tarnished, stained and ripped to shreds.

Expect to have your buttons pushed in a bid to have you fit the 'angry black woman' stereotype only to then have your organic reaction to being goaded used against you!

Do not expect to be understood. Ever.

...................................................................................................................................................


I do not need you to agree nor disagree. Just try to understand... Being a black person is an unnecessary struggle, every damn day! YES, freedom is real but, so is (modern-day) slavery, racism, racial profiling, persecution, race-related micromanagement (and the rest) in a bid to control and intimidate, etc. Why? Fear? I'm sick of it; I am SO sick of being ill targeted simply because I am a CONFIDENT and COMPETENT BLACK WOMAN! 

....................................................................................................................................................


- taken from the very well written book titled Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge - "We've listened to our socially conservative parents and educated ourselves up to our eyeballs. We've kept our gripes to ourselves and changed our appearance, names, accents and dress in order to fit the status quo. We have bitten our tongues, exercised safe judgement and tiptoed around white feelings in an effort to not rock the boat. We've been tolerant up to the point of not even mentioning race, lest we're accused of playing the race card".


PREVIOUS POST: 6 Things to do Before the Year Ends!

Sunday 13 October 2019

6 THINGS TO DO BEFORE THE YEAR ENDS!

Okay, so, you may have your final to-do list for 2019, just as I do, however, I thought I'd give you some ideas in case you don't...

1. Extend a shiny olive branch [make peace].
I guarantee there is at least one person whom you're missing and would really like to reconcile with. Chances are the feeling is mutual or, if nothing else, by reaching out to them, the positive is that you can stop second-guessing the situation.

2. Get your home in order [declutter, clean and tidy].
I'm all about having my personal space be one that is comfortable, relaxing, calm and spacious. This means, once every 2 - 3 months I minimalise. Sometimes I blitz my entire home and on the odd occasion I'll focus on one area such as the bookshelf [my fave!] 

Copyright Charley Jai
3. Sign up to a social club, a workshop related to a hobby, or join a fitness class.
While I, myself, have been done with the gym for several months now [another blog post for another time], I strongly recommend taking up a weekly, or fortnightly, activity that encourages positive vibes; gives you an opportunity to meet new people and also support your self-development. 

4. Have an entire day to yourself.
Oh, my actual life! This right here is an absolute must for the good of one's overall well-being!! I cannot stress enough just how important it is to have some time out; to disconnect! If you've been a reader of this blog for some time, you'll be familiar with my fave day of the week where I switch off from everything and everyone to indulge in my Home Spa Experience! Make it a priority to rest and recharge!
Copyright Charley Jai

5. Go hard for that promotion, recognition, pay rise, or new career you've been thinking about.
There is everything right with making it known just how valuable you are to your employer! Have a one-to-one chat that is informal while also being clear about your aspirations, your worth and exactly what you want in the immediate future. Or, if you seek a change, put yourself out there by updating your CV [or portfolio] and walking through the doors of prospective employers/opportunities with confidence. You've got this! Go get that level-up!!

6. Get together with a friend, or loved one, and set some dates to meet in the New Year too!
I'm defo that person who tends to think ahead and attempts to make future plans with those I care about and want to be in the company of. Sadly, I'm often let down [most are too busy doing whatever they choose to do with their 24 hours each day to meet-up] but, I don't give up because, life is too short for the one thing we are each guaranteed to regret: saying "no" to somebody when we could have said, "yes", especially once that person is gone. Morbid and deep but true! Read point number 6 again!
Copyright Charley Jai
Click the pic for details

Having successfully ticked my 2019 boxes, I decided to set some additional goals and I encourage YOU to do the same, or to come up with new strategies to achieve anything you feel you've missed out on this year!


Q. What is/was one of your biggest goals for 2019?




I reflect daily and always make notes on areas I believe there is room for improvement. However, one thing I tend to shy away from [somewhat] is working solidly on the more challenging things which I'm aware will have me feel vulnerable. But, sometimes, vulnerability is a must and so, I'm going to push myself to reach out to a certain person albeit [admittedly] with bated breath! Lord, be with me. Literally! I encourage your clart to make a bold move too. BEFORE the year ends!


PREVIOUS POST: Is it That Bad?

Sunday 15 September 2019

IS IT THAT BAD?

Actually, sometimes it is.

Why anybody in their right mind, although maybe I've already hit the nail on the head there, would walk past a stranger, with the assumption they're upset just because they are not smiling, and say, "cheer up, it can't be that bad!?" is beyond me! 

The amount of times I have wanted to crack the jaw of somebody who shouted that line at me as they crossed my path! I mean, I wouldn't actually do such a thing, as a smart and fairly reasonable adult, [well, I'd like to think I wouldn't] but, honestly, it pisses me off when this happens. In my opinion, it is such an ignorant thing to do!

Unfortunately, for me, like many others in the world, mine is a face that auto-drops into the most sour look when not grinning from ear to ear, which tends to be when I am focused, in thought [not necessarily deep], when listening to music and really taking in the lyrics, beat, melody, harmonies, key changes and the rest, or when, YES, it really is that bad.

When my favourite uncle passed away [I was so beyond devastated] I didn't know how best to articulate how I felt to myself let alone anybody else and so, I lived with the wretched emotional turmoil and tried to cope with his passing on my own. Likewise, when my grandpa died I was an absolute mess! Not a day goes by when I don't feel the pain of his absence throughout my entire body, real talk. My uncle was very much a father figure to me, but, my grand-boy [my nickname for him because, he was so youthful, vibrant, funny and playful] actively took on the role of the father I didn't have and my love for him is on a level I cannot ever number or name. The man was everything. He truly was!! I miss him so much more than I know how to put into words and I don't think there is anything I wouldn't give to have just one more day with him. Generally speaking, I am not good when it comes to accepting this type of loss.

Aside from as a person's downcast appearance possibly being a result of them grieving, there are many other reasons why somebody might carry, what looks like, an 'upset' demeanor...
  • A break up
  • Job termination
  • Fall out with a friend
  • Unsatisfactory environment
  • Failing health, or a disability
  • Financial worries, or major money challenges
  • Etc., Etc., Etc., Etc., Etc., Etc., Etc., Etceteraaaaa!
Alternatively, as mentioned, it could be that they just have one of those faces which looks devastated when it isn't wearing a smile when the person is actually very happy and doing well...
CopyrightCharleyJai
None of us can ever know, for sure, why somebody may, or may not 'look' however they do when we see them. But, instead of throwing a thoughtless "cheer up, it can't be that bad" at them over your shoulder as you hurriedly walk past, why not offer a smile, or simply keep it moving!? Also, try to remember two important facts - (1) none of us are perfect and (2) we all know what it's like to be on the receiving end of an assumption so, hold yours in your chest. Do not let it rise into your throat and out of your mouth to tell that stranger you can see walking towards you with what looks like a miserable face, "cheer up, it can't be that bad". Chances are, they were fine until you came along with your assumption!


PREVIOUS POST: Dating in 2019

Sunday 25 August 2019

DATING IN 2019

If not for the fact that it seems quite impossible to meet a potential partner organically these days, I would not have been one with a profile on any dating app! Have you tried making eye contact with a stranger? It's so difficult! That said, for all of my networking, visiting new places and putting myself in a position to meet new people, striking up a mutual attraction of sorts [beyond the physical], if you will, just isn't happening. It seems almost everyone is more concerned, or obsessed, with their social media 'lives' than [off line] human contact.

Whilst a member of Bumble I came across a bunch of completely mismatched men, in one way or another, or were quite obviously [although trying to hide it with mediocre efforts] only after one thing from any woman who would oblige. It would be a few weeks before I deleted my account.

Hinge is a different experience entirely. With a criterion from which one can select the near 'ideal' partner, I was matched with a handful of 'potentials' all of whom turned out to be the human equivalent of a dog on heat! Also, most of them had such vague information on their account, grainy images, [or just one] and very odd profile names such as HangPun [real talk]. It isn't even worth going into detail about the idiocy of some men who use this app. Utterly ridiculous! That said, it has proven to be the most 'promising' app so, I'll stick with it for a while... Reluctantly, lol.

Badoo is one that came onto my radar unexpectedly and I thought to myself, "why not, Char? You've nothing to lose. Let this be the final dating app you try though; see if you have any joy with it". So, I downloaded the app to my phone [on a Wednesday afternoon to be exact] and within no time I had a profile set up! It was super straightforward. But, no exaggeration, I amassed over 300 'Likes' by the evening of the same day with my 'popularity ranking' [yes, you read that correctly] moving from 'low' to 'very high' within a matter of hours! I was sifting through apparent matches almost religiously there were that many! Not enough of them appeared to be legit and I was fast becoming frustrated with the 'jokers' flooding my inbox! That changed when one dude who, 'on paper', literally seemed to be a gem among the rubble, completely shifted the entire game when he went from ticking all of the boxes to leaving them with jagged edges!!

In summary, we exchanged numbers after 2 - 3 days of speaking via the app and it all came crashing down after our first and last chat over the phone. Here's why...

MY [very honest] PROFILE:
HIS PROFILE INFO:
Name  with photo - [I'll not reveal his name] age 40
Description - Friends would be nice to start with, let's chat. Don't smoke. Drink socially. I'm single, straight, 5''9, athletic body, black hair and brown eyes, living with housemates. I hate smoking, I speak English.
The Reality - "Yeah, I smoke but, I'm trying to quit. I've got 2 kids still in primary school, but, I only have them over the weekends... Oh, and I live with my mum". He also mentioned how keen he is to "settle down with a woman I can introduce to the children quite soon-ish". So much for being friends first.

A 40-minute phone conversation. 40 minutes of my valuable time. 40 minutes lost. Forever. For nothing. Before his revelations, I actually considered going on a date with him which is why I was happy to give him my number. The moment I learned of his truth, I was done. I'll explain...

I do not smoke and therefore I will not be with somebody who does. I don't have nor do I want children and, while I know it's super tough for one to rent/buy their own place nowadays, I'd be a tad uncomfortable dating somebody who lives with their parents. The bottom is this: I do not believe in settling for what you know is not what you truly want, or deserve. Plus, this man wasn't upfront from the jump which, of course, would put anyone off! So, I sent him a message which effectively said just that; I was honest. He chose not to respond. He simply blocked me and ghosted, which, in my opinion, was much better than bringing any drama my way. It did make me laugh though... LOL! As soon as he had read my message is as soon as I was blocked.

There were 2 others I matched with on Badoo after Mr 40 Minutes. The first would take days to reply and the other demanded I meet with him [after a few hours of talking via the app] to "assess the situation in person". 'Assess'? How about we assess the calling of this 'potential' anything a wrap?!? Choopse! This was a 45-year-old so-called man!!

I have since deleted Badoo and will not be joining any new 'dating' apps. It's back to the organic, patient method of living my life without giving much thought to being single while believing I will [one day] meet and connect with a man I vibe with, in the right way, from the jump.
I am not knocking dating apps, or dating websites, I'm also not knocking any of the dudes I've mentioned [not massively, ha-ha]... I just cannot deal with this 21st century way of supposedly meeting new people/dating - most things seem to start [and often end] with 'connecting' online. It's quite obnoxious, to me. Not sure how you feel about modern-day meeting or dating, yourself, but, personally, I am way too old school for this new school 'method' of 'finding a partner'.


PREVIOUS POST: I'm Famous!

Saturday 10 August 2019

I'M FAMOUS!

Forgive me for reading your messages on WhatsApp and allowing you to see, by the power of the double blue tick, that, despite noticing you'd taken the time to get in touch, I chose to ignore you by deliberately not replying.

Forgive me for seeing your incoming call and, having acknowledged your decision to reach out to me, I chose to ignore you by deliberately not answering.

Forgive me for dodging your eye contact at that all-important networking event, aka Let's-See-If-There-Is-Anybody-In-Attendance-Who-Is-Worth-Pretending-To-Be-Interested-In-Just-To-See-If-Doing-So-Can-Have-Me-Level-Up-In-My-Career (event), and, when you came over and said a warm "hello", I chose to behave as though you're somebody not worth knowing by deliberately walking away from you in the direction of those regarded as 'big wigs'.

Forgive me for assuming you're okay with me picking you up and dropping you as and when it suits me, depending on the availability of those I want to hang out with, based on their social and professional status, whenever I reluctantly contact you after they have confirmed they're unavailable but then, of course, I quickly swerve you (again) when their circumstances change.

Forgive me for telling you that my recent trauma has me feeling as though I don't want to socialise with anybody, anywhere, anytime soon, but then, immediately afterwards, I consciously shared a video to my Instagram stories and WhatsApp status of myself and a few random individuals enjoying ourselves at a very prestigious event the night before which I didn't invite you to.

Forgive me for taking you up on the offer of that freebie, more than once - the one which saw you go way beyond the extra mile, voluntarily - to help me progress with my career, only for me to then deliberately ghost once I had what I wanted from you.

Forgive me. 

No, seriously, please do. 

See, just like you, I'm in pursuit of my goals. I'm hustling; on the grind and I have tunnel vision. My focus is on achieving the next platform. The one that will propel me into the biggest spotlight; giving me the most amazing opportunity to realise my dreams of becoming the ultimate success story and, on my way, I'm stepping out on humility in favour of ignorance. Coincidentally, I've begun to act shady towards anyone with a small following across their social media accounts. I mean, if you have less than 5000 followers on Instagram, less than 1000 on Twitter and under 800 friends on Facebook, is there any point of me replying to your messages asking, "how are you, babe?", or answering your calls for us to have a 'catch up'? Maybe I don't see the value in an authentic friend who has been there from the jump and isn't like these suddenly-there 'friends' who only come around now they see me rising. Or, it could be that I do not respect your worth nor your talents which is why I take for granted the support you give me, so freely and so readily, when you make good use of your skills to benefit me.

I guess I'm out here thinking I've made it already, whatever that means, and now I've got my stush cloak on because, that's how famous people roll, right? It's difficult for me to get my head around how I'm supposed to act now that I'm making a few moves in a circle filled with people I'm not certain I can trust. But, wait a minute... Here's the thing: On Twitter, they gas me up whenever I share a new link to something I did in the mainstream. On Facebook, they're about anything and everything I post and, on the Gram, they comment telling me I look hot, I'm awesome at what I do and they rate me highly for the people they see me associating with; they got me feeling like I'm Beyoncé!

So, yeah. Forgive me. I'm famous now.
CopyrightCharleyJai
If you identify with, or can relate to, the 'acting famous' individual (whether truly famous or not) I hope this post has you *rethink your changed behaviour towards others (if you're able to accept that you even need *to) and if one who is on the receiving end of such antics, step back so as to prevent yourself from feeling / being used, ignored, mistreated, let down, hurt, embarrassed and the rest.



#candidramble
#charleyrealtalk

Sunday 24 March 2019

DOES EVERYTHING RUN ITS COURSE?

2 weeks ago, this website just would not co-operate and I was unable to publish the post I shared last Sunday. I spent hours trying to resolve the issue. To say that my frustration level was extremely high would be a bit of understatement. I was angry. “But, why?” I asked myself.

There has been a decline in readers, despite the stats I shared several months ago across my social media [with evidence because, we know how some people think everything is click bait], very few bother to leave a comment underneath the posts, share them with their network, or send any feedback and the Facebook page is just, "meh"! The interaction is at an all time low and that makes it’s far more difficult, not only to know what content to produce, but, to stay motivated.


CopyrightCharleyJai
When something is first launched, almost everybody is about it! We want to be the first to know, to inform others; to be seen to be up to date with the latest. We’re fascinated, keen to be about it, interested to learn of any benefits there might be to ourselves and so, we’re all over it like a rash. Then, the novelty wears off. We don’t need it anymore, or we find better; something more engaging so, we, without any warning, just up and leave, or stay but, fall short on communication.

From material possessions to people, this is how some of us tend to operate. Or, am I being a tad dramatic?

A little while ago I shared a tweet about the life span of this blog, if you will. I began blogging in 2010 and have loved it because, I really enjoy writing, reading, research, taking pictures, educating, inspiring, learning, being creative, etc. However, there’s very little joy with it these days. That struggle is more real than I know how to articulate. The thousands of views are amazing, and I wholeheartedly appreciate each person, around the world, who takes the time to read what I share in this space, especially when I consider just how much talent there is worldwide and the vast amount of content being shared 24/7! That said, I’d trade those thousands of views for genuine interaction any day! Views do not tell me what readers want, or don’t want; what they like, dislike, or need. Only written comments/feedback will do that.

Time is precious to us all so, I understand the need to have a quick read and then leave, but, that extra 30 seconds to 1 minute; the added effort to leave a response to the blog posts you read, will make every bit of difference necessary to continue with The Real Talk UK Blog. It’s way too much work to amount to nothing. Are you with me on this? Do you get where I’m coming from? I just cannot keep spending hours on writing, editing, proofreading, research, photography, resources, money, etc., etc., etc., for nada!

Has it simply run its course? I don’t know. All I know is that I think I may need to leave it here with the blog. I’m not one to force content and I certainly do not want to exploit my own time, because, it takes an incredible amount to create each post, without seeing its worth. If that makes sense.


CopyrightCharleyJai
I mean, what do you take away from my blog posts? What do you enjoy about my writing style? What would you change? What do you want to see on this website? What do you want more/less of? Is there something I once did which I no longer do that you'd like to see return? What are you currently struggling with? Is there something you’re curious about? Do you have any questions about me, or blogging?

This blog has always been about you. I do not earn from it; writing is simply my zen but, I will continue to write no matter what. The same can be said of photography and the alike. The difference is that, with my writing, it will remain private if not published on here… So, what do you think? Are we going to build a more interactive community on this space, or should we say our goodbye’s? Be honest with me...

Charley x

Sunday 17 March 2019

BEAUTY ESSENTIALS

If you’ve been reading my blog for several years now, you will know that I absolutely love me a hot, steamy bath mostly for how amazing it is for my face! So much so that I sometimes share Instagram stories of the before and after, or just the results, and have created my very own Home Spa Experience which you can see here.

In recent years, I have learned just how vital it is to spend time deeply relaxing, rejuvenating, resting and giving my body [as well as my mind] some time to recover from the daily routine of being on the go as soon as the alarm rings until it's time to hit the sack again, often 6 days a week!

My choice of restorative joy, if you will, whenever I feel in need, is to meditate and to also give myself a full body pamper session before getting an early night and this would be done on a Friday evening [if I’ve no other plans] so I can still make the most of my weekend!

HAIR
Currently rocking braids, I condition my hair using castor oil, coconut oil, pure olive oil and the African Pride Olive Miracle Braid Sheen Spray. There's a theme there, ha-ha! A small amount of each product is used and once conditioned, I tend to leave the hair wrapped for 30-45 minutes. This process leaves my hair soft, shiny and fresh. I do also wash my hair whilst in braids using organic products which, at the time this post was published, I've actually run out of! Eek!

HANDS
My hands can get so frikkin dry which annoys me big time, however, I've found that ‘showing them some regular love’ has improved the actual look and feel of them! After cleaning them with hot water and a gentle hand-wash, I apply a scrub, rinse, then moisturise with one of the above-mentioned oils and place them in gloves until the moisture is completely absorbed. I then work a tiny amount of deep heat into them after which I give my nails a manicure.

FACE
As you may know, I give a lot of care and attention to my face. I have done since my mother taught me the best, simple cleansing routine which I’ve pretty much stuck with since my early teens! I wash my face with hot water only, cleanse using either the Boots Essentials Facial Toner, or Distilled Witch Hazel, I then apply a face mask [one that is gentle, includes antioxidants and smells amazing], after which it’s all about the eye patches. When the patches have been removed, I wipe my entire face with the Boots Cucumber Cleansing Facial Wipes, leave for 5 minutes and then I apply quite a lot of oil [either coconut, or olive].

BODY
Shower first, of course, at least 2 rounds to ensure all the yuk has been removed, lol, thorough application of my body scrub [I currently only use those pictured], then rinse and shower again, pat myself dry [so that some water remains] and then apply a generous amount of Aqueous cream mixed with either olive, or coconut oil. I clearly love me some oil, LOL!

FEET
Although I do not have very nice-looking feet, real talk, I’ve a good pair, if I do say so myself! My heels are soft and free from any cracks, there is zero rough skin and they don’t smell. Chuffed to be winning somewhere in my life, LOL! After washing them [I may have had a pedicure beforehand, ideally 1 – 3 days prior], I pat them almost dry and apply a foot mask, I then work the remaining product from the mask into the feet followed by some Aqueous cream mixed with olive oil.


Summary
It’s all about switching off from everything and everyone for a few hours, or an entire day, to unwind, relieve stress and give yourself the space to treat your body from head to toe, literally! It’s super simple, but it takes a dedicated period of uninterrupted time.

Making sure my phone is set to silent and away in a drawer, I have calming music in the background, a cup [or 3, lol] of chamomile tea and a couple of peace inducing candles burning while I immerse myself in a full on pamper session and I absolutely LOVE IT!! The way I feel SO amazing after half a day, or a full day, of self-care is beyond all words. I highly recommend it!


What are some of your essentials for a pamper, or energizing, session?

Thanks for reading.

PREVIOUS POST: 6 THINGS I KEEP ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE

SOCIAL MEDIA:
Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Page

Sunday 3 March 2019

6 THINGS I KEEP ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE!

Some of you might be wondering why I’ve decided to share this. Well, surprisingly, this is one of the many questions I have been asked by quite a number of you lovely, loyal readers. It's funny, to me, that such a thing is of interest but, I'm happy to share this with you. So, let’s get into it…
Copyright Charley Jai
Typically, before I go to bed, I make sure the little table in my room has a few essentials which may aid my sleep, or that I might need throughout the night. Admittedly, sometimes I just don’t bother and other times I only add a couple of bits. Depends on how tired I am to be honest.

NIGHT LIGHT
These are great! I find lamps a bit too much, or not enough. However, the night light, which plugs into the wall [so, no, doesn't actually sit on my bedside table, lol] and automatically senses when to come on and go off, is great for if you want to have a tiny bit of light in your room. The one I've pictured is from Amazon.

Charley Jai | Copyright Charley Jai

A GOOD BOOK
I try to read 2 chapters of my current book before I sleep and, with that, drink at least 1 - 2 pints of water [for which I’d first sit and read in the kitchen]. Reading both stimulates my mind [in a calming, positive way] and makes me tired, so, not only do I dream well [if I can sleep, one of my neighbours is a bit of a nightmare to say the least], I feel quite relaxed which means I settle down quicker.

Charley Jai | Copyright Charley Jai

BOTTLE OF WATER
Do you ever suddenly get ridiculously thirsty during the night? I do! Now, here's the thing. Once I'm all tucked in, I don't want to leave my warm, cosy, snugly bed for some water, which, in the past, has completely broken my sleep and kept me awake until the early hours. To the point where I just stayed up! Not good! So, having a bottle of water on my little table just in case, works a treat.

MY DIARY and a PENCIL
Randomly, on a few occasions, I've woken up in the middle of the night realizing that I agreed to meet with a friend, for either lunch, or dinner, etc., but I forgot to write it in my diary, LOL!! Oh, and, the reason for the pencil is because, I enjoy the luxury of being able to erase instead of scribble/cross something out which is also a more effective way to keep my diary neat. Yes, I am that person, ha-ha!!
Charley Jai | Copyright Charley Jai
OLBAS STICK
Now and then I get a bit of a stuffy nose during the night, which instantly makes it difficult to breathe and this can then have a big impact on sleep. So, having a sniff of my olbas stick clears my airwaves thus enabling me to get right back into snoozeville.... Does this happen to you? I find it so strange. What do you do for relief?

SEEDS, or DRY FRUIT
It very rarely happens, but I can get quite peckish at night and am not one for consuming a sandwich, or a full plate of food at bedtime! A handful of seeds, or some dry fruit [I actually only ever have half an apple, to be honest], usually curbs my hunger and doesn't prevent me from getting back to sleep.
Charley Jai | Copyright Charley Jai
That's pretty much it! My phone is left away from me and switched to silent [not charging overnight, the Samsung S8 is quite good and holds battery well]. The only other item I sometimes keep on the table is a piece of card just in case I get too hot and want to fan myself.

Do you have a bedside table, or a designated spot near your bed for keeping some essential items? What do you keep in/on there? Is there something you think I should add to my own? 

Thanks for reading

PREVIOUS POSTTHIS HAPPENS TO US ALL

SOCIAL MEDIA
Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Page