UNINSPIRED and LOST

There are times when I feel empty. It isn't just about a sudden creative block, or not being able to decide what I should blog about, or cover on the radio, etc. I have moments that can turn into weeks, or months of complete absence of self. Do you get what I mean by that? I literally go through a phase of just not knowing what I'm doing, why, of my actual purpose and where I should be at this point in my life. Sounds a tad dramatic, I know, but, this is (my occasional) reality...

Despite knowing better, I've often believed I'm the only person who experiences this - feeling uninspired and lost. However, I recently had a friend reach out, about one of my blog posts actually, who shared with me their own occasional tug of war with themselves, and it reminded me that we are never the only person to face difficulties, nor are we ever alone with anything we go through. There is always somebody else who has been, or is, on a similar path. Not only is there comfort in that, there's reassurance.

It's all about ensuring we have coping mechanisms in place. For me, aside from prayer, meditation and listening to upbeat music, I find a quick distraction to stop myself overthinking. I start reading or go for a walk. I also create visual reminders of how far I've come. I have a vision board, and I also write whatever comes to mind without thinking about the words on the page too much (which is how this particular post came about). These things are a massive help to me!

I think when you feel uninspired and lost, it can be a great place to be in. Sometimes that's when you create your best work, a new idea, or get the answers you've been looking for to take you to the next stage of your life/career.

So, try not to feel too bothered when it seems like everyone else has their ish together and you don't. Remember, no two people are the same and none of us are walking the exact same road (that and the fact that a lot of what you see online has been edited to portray a lifestyle, or present an image, that does not entirely represent the truth). Also, anything worth having is likely to be challenging which is a good thing because, you will appreciate it even more when it finally happens and it will happen if you keep trying. 

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

YOU COULD SAVE A LIFE!

When a friend reaches out to you, send back a positive response.

Your friend might ask if they can talk to you in person. If you can't meet with them, give them a call. A Skype call, FaceTime, WhatsApp video call, even, but, make sure you speak with them. Maybe that friend just wants to hear your voice and so, actually, a chat on the phone will suffice. NEVER be 'too busy' to set aside all of 5 minutes for someone you call "a friend". If you really cannot spend time with them, or on a phone call, send a recorded voice message. There's always a way in which you can be there for someone even when at low capacity yourself. To ignore their message, or fob them off, should not be an option!

Be honest with them. If you do not have the mental or emotional strength to support them, let them know. Reassure your FRIEND that you want to be there for them and will make every effort to do so once you feel strong enough. Just DO NOT overlook their need for help in that moment.

Some years ago a beautiful, sweet, genuine, funny and caring friend of mine (who was like a sister to me) committed suicide. She was 16. On the day that she took her life I had promised to call her. I was unable to honour my promise because, at the time I was living at the family home and was not allowed to use the house phone. I had no other means of calling/contacting her (I was on a pay-as-you-go contract that had run out of credit). I went to sleep that night angry and upset knowing that she needed me and I wanted to be there for her. But, never did I imagine that she would take her life that same night around the time she was expecting my call.

I know that her death is not my fault, nor the fault of anyone else. I know that her woes had been with her long before she and I met but, her suicide; her choice to take her own life, affected me in ways I cannot put into words because, for the absolute longest time, I did in fact blame myself. I firmly believed that my call would've saved her.... To this day, although I no longer feel guilty, I still feel so awful about the circumstances. Was she going to say "goodbye"? Would she have told me what was troubling her? Could I have saved her life?

She and I spoke in detail about her troubles. Until that horrid day, I was the readily available shoulders to cry on, gave all the cuddles she wanted/needed, and the distractions through the music and banter she came to rely on. 

I'll never forget the call I received from her mother to inform me that my dear, darling, friend; my little sister, whom I had grown so fond of, had hung herself.

Sherelle Black was one of the shiniest humans I'd ever met and those who knew her will know exactly what I mean by that. A generous heart and such a lovely disposition, she made my time on the Talawa Theatre summer project - where we met - the absolute best and I miss her. I will always miss her.

You don't know what anyone is truly dealing with (deep down); how desperate they may feel about certain aspects of their life but, hearing from you, or seeing you, could potentially have a positive impact on them. It might just stop them from making a decision that will haunt you forever! I AM NOT SAYING SHOULD IT BE THE OPPOSITE THAT YOU WILL BE TO BLAME, absolutely not!! I'm saying, wherever possible, MAKE AN EFFORT WITH THE ONES YOU CLAIM TO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT. TRY NOT TO ALLOW ANYTHING OR ANYONE TO STAND IN THE WAY OF YOU SHOWING UP!

There have been times when I've asked/invited certain 'friends' to meet with me and haven't received a reply, or I've been asked, "why, what for?". I don't give them an answer. In fact, I don't contact them again. A true friend, in my opinion, will simply reply with, "sure, when were you thinking?" Or, "I can't meet with you at the moment but, I can give you a call sometime soon. Let me know when is good for you?". No matter what you might be going through yourself, please try not to reject someone who reaches out to you.

We all need each other. Nobody wants to be out here with life's hardships alone. Also, the one in need will not necessarily reach out directly stating their reason for doing so. They may share their work with you, or something funny just to grab your attention and engage you in a conversation in which they can ease their way into opening up about their troubles. They don't want to burden you, they simply want a moment of escape and peace from what is hurting them.

So, again, when a friend reaches out to you, send back a positive response. Look out for your friends/loved ones the very same way you expect, or would like them, to look out for you. If you don't consider them a friend of yours, tell them. Quit stringing them along! 

BE THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER. IT'S SO IMPORTANT.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.