Sunday 24 September 2017

UNINSPIRED and LOST

There are times when I feel empty. It isn't just about a sudden creative block, or not being able to decide what I should blog about, or cover on the radio, etc. I have moments that can turn into weeks, or months of complete absence of self. Do you get what I mean by that? I literally go through a stage / phase of just not knowing what I'm doing, why, of my actual purpose and where I should be at this point in my life. Sounds a tad dramatic, I know, but, this is (my occasional) reality...
Despite knowing better, I've often believed I'm the only one who will go through this. Feeling uninspired and lost. However, I recently had a friend reach out, about one of my blog posts actually, who shared with me their own self tug of war and it reminded me that we are never the only person to face difficulties, nor are we ever alone with anything we go through. There is always somebody else who has been, or is, on a similar path. Not only is there comfort in that, there's reassurance.

Okay, so, what do I do when I feel this way? Well, aside from pray, meditate and listen to upbeat music, I just stop. Seriously. I stop thinking, I stop searching, I stop being frustrated with myself and I start reading and taking walks. No joke... I have many books at home, all of which are motivational and I know of scenic places in and around London / Essex that have a calming effect on me. I also talk to my closest friends and they're very good at, not telling me anything I might want to hear, but, giving me the (honest) push I need. I also create visual reminders of how far I've come, keep positive quotes on the walls at home, I have a vision board and I also write whatever comes to mind without thinking about the words on the page too much (which is how this particular post came about). These things help massively!
I think when you feel uninspired and lost, it can be a great place to be in. Sometimes that's when you create your best work, a new idea, or get the answers you've been looking for to take you to the next stage of your life / career, as long as you remain open to receiving such things by not being hard on yourself over this hurdle. Nothing lasts forever including our emotions... 

So, try not to feel down when it seems like everyone else has their ish together and you don't. Remember, no two people are the same and none of us are walking the exact same road (that and the fact that a lot of what you see online has been edited to portray a lifestyle, or present an image, that does not represent truth). Also, anything worth having is likely to be challenging which is a good thing because, you will appreciate it even more when it finally happens and it will happen if you keep trying

Thanks for reading.
PREVIOUS POST - I'm Having Surgery!

Sunday 17 September 2017

I'M HAVING SURGERY!!

A disclaimer: This post contains raw, unedited self captured images of my abdomen.

Improving ones health and fitness are intimidating, real talk. When I made the decision to change my lifestyle I was prepared to be challenged both mentally and physically. The truth is, if not for the pesky fibroids (which live in the lower section of my abdomen, causing it to protrude) I doubt I would have been able to maintain the changes I've made. 
Eating better (vegetarian/vegan), exercising (up to 1 hour each morning), meditation (up to 20 minutes a few days each week) and even working on my relationship with God (daily) has all contributed to the progress I have made and instead of a hysterectomy, I will undergo a myomectomy.
On Friday 15th September 2017 I had an appointment with a new Consultant at my chosen London hospital and she gave me the news I had been wanting to hear since I was first diagnosed!! "You don't need to have your womb removed, we can just remove the fibroids".

I'll be sure to keep a diary and take as many pictures as possible so I can share the journey post op / recovery, god willing, to inform, educate and encourage those with any poor health conditions to seek advice and the necessary / relevant help to remedy the problem.
I am already feeling anxious about things, however, I am so ready to have these gremlins removed from my stomach and to then, hopefully, regain my former shape and continue living my healthier lifestyle! Pray for me, or if you don't pray, visualise the operation being a success, please. I'll need all the positivity and words of encouragement that I can get!!

Thanks for reading.
PREVIOUS POST - You Could Save A Life!

Sunday 10 September 2017

YOU COULD SAVE A LIFE!

With each birthday comes deep reflection and this year the focus has been loved ones...

When a friend reaches out to you, send back a positive response.

Your friend might ask if they can talk to you in person. If you can't meet with them, give them a call. A Skype call, FaceTime, WhatsApp video call, even, but, make sure you speak with them. Maybe that said friend just wants to hear your voice and so, actually, a chat on the phone will suffice. NEVER be 'too busy' to set aside all of 5 minutes for someone you call "a friend". If you really cannot spend time with them, or on a phone call, send a recorded voice message. There's always a way in which you can be there for someone. To ignore their message, or fob them off should not be an option!

Do whatever you can do, within reason, to reassure your FRIEND that you want to be there for them and will make every effort to do so.

Several years ago a beautiful, sweet, genuine friend of mine (who was like a sister to me) committed suicide. She was 16. On the day that she took her life I had promised to call her. I was unable to honour my promise because, at the time I was living at the family home and was not allowed to use the house phone. I could've easily gone out to top up my (then pay as you go) phone but, I chose not to.

I know now that her death is not my fault, nor the fault of anyone else. I know that her woes had been with her long before she and I met but,her suicide; her choice to take her own life, affected me in ways I cannot put into words because, for the absolute longest time, I did in fact blame myself. I firmly believed that my call would've saved her.... To this day, although I no longer feel guilty, I still feel so awful about the circumstances. Why wasn't the call important enough; why wasn't she important enough for me to go out and top up my mobile?

She and I spoke in detail about her troubles. Until that horrid day, I was the readily available shoulders to cry on, gave all the cuddles she wanted and the distractions through music and banter that she craved. I'll never forget the call I received from her mother to inform me that my dear, darling, friend, whom I had grown so fond of, had hung herself in her bedroom on the day I was due to call.

Sherelle Black was one of the shiniest humans I'd ever met and those who knew her will know exactly what I mean by that. A generous heart and such a lovely disposition, she made my time on the Theatre summer project where we met the absolute best and I miss her. I will always miss her.
You don't know what anyone is truly dealing with (deep down); how desperate they may feel about certain aspects of their life but, hearing from, or seeing you could potentially have a positive impact on them. It might just stop them from making a decision that will haunt you forever! I AM NOT SAYING SHOULD IT BE THE OPPOSITE THAT YOU WILL BE TO BLAME, absolutely not!! I am saying, wherever possible, MAKE AN EFFORT WITH THE ONES YOU CLAIM TO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT. 

There have been times when I've asked / invited certain 'friends' to meet with me and haven't received a reply, or I've been asked, "why, what for?". I don't give them an answer. In fact, I don't contact them again. A true friend, in my opinion, will simply reply with, "sure, when were you thinking?" Or, "I can't meet with you at the moment but, I can give you a call sometime soon. Let me know when is good for you?". No matter what you might be going through yourself, please try not to reject someone who reaches out to you.

We all need someone. Nobody wants to be out here with life's hardships alone. Also, the one in need will not necessarily reach out directly stating their reason for doing so. They may share their work with you, or something funny just to grab your attention and engage you in a conversation in which they can ease their way into opening up about their troubles. Sometimes, there's nothing gravely wrong until your rejection...

So, again, when a friend reaches out to you, send back a positive response. Look out for your friends the very same way you expect, or would like them to look out for you. If you don't consider them a friend of yours, tell them. Quit stringing them along! 

BE THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER. IT'S SO IMPORTANT.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday 3 September 2017

A GREAT WAY TO SPEND ANY BIRTHDAY!

I decided to spend part of my birthday celebration in a town I visited during my youth which I could just about remember.... I enjoy travelling anywhere (outside of London) and am always excited to discover new things, or reignite good memories. Plus, I personally believe there's something wrong with knowing more about places abroad than (the stunning places in) your own country so, I had to revisit Bournemouth on the south coast and it did not disappoint! Well, apart from the sudden torrential downpour that is (thankfully the day before my birthday), LOL!!
Bournemouth was such a relaxing, fun time. The first day was spent sightseeing and exploring, walks along the beachfront, the air festival, plus a chance to get up close with a barn owl! The second / last day (my actual birthday, 1st September) was spent at the Marriott Spa and it was too good!! The staff were amazing, the massage had was heavenly and the facilities we enjoyed were lovely!

Back in London, I chose to dine and have drinks at Sketch with a few of my loved ones and it was wonderful!! The decor is fantastic, the vibe is awesome and the hospitality is on a level nobody will ever be ready for, real talk! If you haven't already, make sure you check out this stylish, classy establishment.
As a Londoner, In the past, I have underestimated just how many hidden gems and gorgeous places there are with lots on offer in the way of entertainment, etc. So happy that I looked closer to home, on this occasion, when arranging my birthday plans.

Special thanks to my girl Caroline, who accompanied me to Bournemouth and a mahoosive THANK YOU to each person who sent me a birthday message, bought me a gift, card etc. It means so much to me that you made such an effort!! God bless.


Thanks for reading.
PREVIOUS POST - When The Love is Real