DATING IN 2019

If not for the fact that it seems quite impossible to meet a potential partner organically these days, I would not have been one with a profile on any dating app! Have you tried making eye contact with a stranger? It's so difficult! That said, for all of my networking, visiting new places and putting myself in a position to meet new people, striking up a mutual attraction of sorts [beyond the physical], if you will, just isn't happening. It seems almost everyone is more concerned, or obsessed, with their social media 'lives' than [off line] human contact.

Whilst a member of Bumble I came across a bunch of completely mismatched men, in one way or another, or were quite obviously [although trying to hide it with mediocre efforts] only after one thing from any woman who would oblige. It would be a few weeks before I deleted my account.

Hinge is a different experience entirely. With a criterion from which one can select the near 'ideal' partner, I was matched with a handful of 'potentials' all of whom turned out to be the human equivalent of a dog on heat! Also, most of them had such vague information on their account, grainy images, [or just one] and very odd profile names such as HangPun [real talk]. It isn't even worth going into detail about the idiocy of some men who use this app. Utterly ridiculous! That said, it has proven to be the most 'promising' app so, I'll stick with it for a while... Reluctantly, lol.

Badoo is one that came onto my radar unexpectedly and I thought to myself, "why not, Char? You've nothing to lose. Let this be the final dating app you try though; see if you have any joy with it". So, I downloaded the app to my phone [on a Wednesday afternoon to be exact] and within no time I had a profile set up! It was super straightforward. But, no exaggeration, I amassed over 300 'Likes' by the evening of the same day with my 'popularity ranking' [yes, you read that correctly] moving from 'low' to 'very high' within a matter of hours! I was sifting through apparent matches almost religiously there were that many! Not enough of them appeared to be legit and I was fast becoming frustrated with the 'jokers' flooding my inbox! That changed when one dude who, 'on paper', literally seemed to be a gem among the rubble, completely shifted the entire game when he went from ticking all of the boxes to leaving them with jagged edges!!

In summary, we exchanged numbers after 2 - 3 days of speaking via the app and it all came crashing down after our first and last chat over the phone. Here's why...

MY [very honest] PROFILE:

HIS PROFILE INFO:
Name  with photo - [I'll not reveal his name] age 40
Description - Friends would be nice to start with, let's chat. Don't smoke. Drink socially. I'm single, straight, 5''9, athletic body, black hair and brown eyes, living with housemates. I hate smoking, I speak English.
The Reality - "Yeah, I smoke but, I'm trying to quit. I've got 2 kids still in primary school, but, I only have them over the weekends... Oh, and I live with my mum". He also mentioned how keen he is to "settle down with a woman I can introduce to the children quite soon-ish". So much for being friends first.

A 40-minute phone conversation. 40 minutes of my valuable time. 40 minutes lost. Forever. For nothing. Before his revelations, I actually considered going on a date with him which is why I was happy to give him my number. The moment I learned of his truth, I was done. I'll explain...

I do not smoke and therefore I will not be with somebody who does. I don't have nor do I want children and, while I know it's super tough for one to rent/buy their own place nowadays, I'd be a tad uncomfortable dating somebody who lives with their parents. The bottom is this: I do not believe in settling for what you know is not what you truly want, or deserve. Plus, this man wasn't upfront from the jump which, of course, would put anyone off! So, I sent him a message which effectively said just that; I was honest. He chose not to respond. He simply blocked me and ghosted, which, in my opinion, was much better than bringing any drama my way. It did make me laugh though... LOL! As soon as he had read my message is as soon as I was blocked.

There were 2 others I matched with on Badoo after Mr 40 Minutes. The first would take days to reply and the other demanded I meet with him [after a few hours of talking via the app] to "assess the situation in person". 'Assess'? How about we assess the calling of this 'potential' anything a wrap?!? Choopse! This was a 45-year-old so-called man!!

I have since deleted Badoo and will not be joining any new 'dating' apps. It's back to the organic, patient method of living my life without giving much thought to being single while believing I will [one day] meet and connect with a man I vibe with, in the right way, from the jump.

I am not knocking dating apps, or dating websites, I'm also not knocking any of the dudes I've mentioned [not massively, ha-ha]... I just cannot deal with this 21st century way of supposedly meeting new people/dating - most things seem to start [and often end] with 'connecting' online. It's quite obnoxious, to me. Not sure how you feel about modern-day meeting or dating, yourself, but, personally, I am way too old school for this new school 'method' of 'finding a partner'.


PREVIOUS POST: I'm Famous!

I'M FAMOUS!

Forgive me for reading your messages on WhatsApp and allowing you to see, by the power of the double blue tick, that, despite noticing you'd taken the time to get in touch, I chose to ignore you by deliberately not replying.

Forgive me for seeing your incoming call and, having acknowledged your decision to reach out to me, I chose to ignore you by deliberately not answering.

Forgive me for dodging your eye contact at that all-important networking event, aka Let's-See-If-There-Is-Anybody-In-Attendance-Who-Is-Worth-Pretending-To-Be-Interested-In-Just-To-See-If-Doing-So-Can-Have-Me-Level-Up-In-My-Career (event), and, when you came over and said a warm "hello", I chose to behave as though you're somebody not worth knowing by deliberately walking away from you in the direction of those regarded as 'big wigs'.

Forgive me for assuming you're okay with me picking you up and dropping you as and when it suits me, depending on the availability of those I want to hang out with, based on their social and professional status, whenever I reluctantly contact you after they have confirmed they're unavailable but then, of course, I quickly swerve you (again) when their circumstances change.

Forgive me for telling you that my recent trauma has me feeling as though I don't want to socialise with anybody, anywhere, anytime soon, but then, immediately afterwards, I consciously shared a video to my Instagram stories and WhatsApp status of myself and a few random individuals enjoying ourselves at a very prestigious event the night before which I didn't invite you to.

Forgive me for taking you up on the offer of that freebie, more than once - the one which saw you go way beyond the extra mile, voluntarily - to help me progress with my career, only for me to then deliberately ghost once I had what I wanted from you.

Forgive me. 

No, seriously, please do. 

See, just like you, I'm in pursuit of my goals. I'm hustling; on the grind and I have tunnel vision. My focus is on achieving the next platform. The one that will propel me into the biggest spotlight; giving me the most amazing opportunity to realise my dreams of becoming the ultimate success story and, on my way, I'm stepping out on humility in favour of ignorance. Coincidentally, I've begun to act shady towards anyone with a small following across their social media accounts. I mean, if you have less than 5000 followers on Instagram, less than 1000 on Twitter and under 800 friends on Facebook, is there any point of me replying to your messages asking, "how are you, babe?", or answering your calls for us to have a 'catch up'? Maybe I don't see the value in an authentic friend who has been there from the jump and isn't like these suddenly-there 'friends' who only come around now they see me rising. Or, it could be that I do not respect your worth nor your talents which is why I take for granted the support you give me, so freely and so readily, when you make good use of your skills to benefit me.

I guess I'm out here thinking I've made it already, whatever that means, and now I've got my stush cloak on because, that's how famous people roll, right? It's difficult for me to get my head around how I'm supposed to act now that I'm making a few moves in a circle filled with people I'm not certain I can trust. But, wait a minute... Here's the thing: On Twitter, they gas me up whenever I share a new link to something I did in the mainstream. On Facebook, they're about anything and everything I post and, on the Gram, they comment telling me I look hot, I'm awesome at what I do and they rate me highly for the people they see me associating with; they got me feeling like I'm Beyoncé!

So, yeah. Forgive me. I'm famous now.

If you identify with, or can relate to, the 'acting famous' individual (whether truly famous or not) I hope this post has you *rethink your changed behaviour towards others (if you're able to accept that you even need *to) and if one who is on the receiving end of such antics, step back so as to prevent yourself from feeling / being used, ignored, mistreated, let down, hurt, embarrassed and the rest.



#candidramble
#charleyrealtalk