Whilst a member of Bumble I came across a bunch of completely mismatched men, in one way or another, or were quite obviously [although trying to hide it with mediocre efforts] only after one thing from any woman who would oblige. It would be a few weeks before I deleted my account.
Hinge is a different experience entirely. With a criterion from which one can select the near 'ideal' partner, I was matched with a handful of 'potentials' all of whom turned out to be the human equivalent of a dog on heat! Also, most of them had such vague information on their account, grainy images, [or just one] and very odd profile names such as HangPun [real talk]. It isn't even worth going into detail about the idiocy of some men who use this app. Utterly ridiculous! That said, it has proven to be the most 'promising' app so, I'll stick with it for a while... Reluctantly, lol.
Badoo is one that came onto my radar unexpectedly and I thought to myself, "why not, Char? You've nothing to lose. Let this be the final dating app you try though; see if you have any joy with it". So, I downloaded the app to my phone [on a Wednesday afternoon to be exact] and within no time I had a profile set up! It was super straightforward. But, no exaggeration, I amassed over 300 'Likes' by the evening of the same day with my 'popularity ranking' [yes, you read that correctly] moving from 'low' to 'very high' within a matter of hours! I was sifting through apparent matches almost religiously there were that many! Not enough of them appeared to be legit and I was fast becoming frustrated with the 'jokers' flooding my inbox! That changed when one dude who, 'on paper', literally seemed to be a gem among the rubble, completely shifted the entire game when he went from ticking all of the boxes to leaving them with jagged edges!!
In summary, we exchanged numbers after 2 - 3 days of speaking via the app and it all came crashing down after our first and last chat over the phone. Here's why...
MY [very honest] PROFILE:
Name with photo - [I'll not reveal his name] age 40
Description - Friends would be nice to start with, let's chat. Don't smoke. Drink socially. I'm single, straight, 5''9, athletic body, black hair and brown eyes, living with housemates. I hate smoking, I speak English.
The Reality - "Yeah, I smoke but, I'm trying to quit. I've got 2 kids still in primary school, but, I only have them over the weekends... Oh, and I live with my mum". He also mentioned how keen he is to "settle down with a woman I can introduce to the children quite soon-ish". So much for being friends first.
A 40-minute phone conversation. 40 minutes of my valuable time. 40 minutes lost. Forever. For nothing. Before his revelations, I actually considered going on a date with him which is why I was happy to give him my number. The moment I learned of his truth, I was done. I'll explain...
I do not smoke and therefore I will not be with somebody who does. I don't have nor do I want children and, while I know it's super tough for one to rent/buy their own place nowadays, I'd be a tad uncomfortable dating somebody who lives with their parents. The bottom is this: I do not believe in settling for what you know is not what you truly want, or deserve. Plus, this man wasn't upfront from the jump which, of course, would put anyone off! So, I sent him a message which effectively said just that; I was honest. He chose not to respond. He simply blocked me and ghosted, which, in my opinion, was much better than bringing any drama my way. It did make me laugh though... LOL! As soon as he had read my message is as soon as I was blocked.
There were 2 others I matched with on Badoo after Mr 40 Minutes. The first would take days to reply and the other demanded I meet with him [after a few hours of talking via the app] to "assess the situation in person". 'Assess'? How about we assess the calling of this 'potential' anything a wrap?!? Choopse! This was a 45-year-old so-called man!!
I have since deleted Badoo and will not be joining any new 'dating' apps. It's back to the organic, patient method of living my life without giving much thought to being single while believing I will [one day] meet and connect with a man I vibe with, in the right way, from the jump.
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Very funny, well actually it's not, but not worth crying over it, even if I wanted sometimes in the past. Nothing against dating app either but agree that people connection seem to disappear completely. I used two when I first arrived to London (not knowing anyone) but soon understood, that it was a complete waste of time. Tinder I experienced as a 'bed activity' based bunch of people without personality, so after some odd chats and two dates (that did not go further then the ONE drink) I was annoyed after few weeks. The other was called HAPPN it would give you matches of people that are in the same locations like you. Was better but somehow I was not satisfied with the fact of sitting alone in my room and having interviews with strangers, so after some time and no results, I gave up on dating apps. I prefer to meet people in person, cause they might have the perfect profile and write/say everything I want to hear, but only energy, mental attraction, same believes and actions are for me most important to know if I like to be connected to this person, no matter if as friend, mentor, partner, inspiration or business.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I met someone very nice... in person, in the Sauna of a gym Spa. My only advice, do not be afraid to speak and be honest, be yourself... relationships can have so many different faces, the person next to you can be the sister/brother you always wanted, a business opportunity or love of your life :)
Oh wow! Thank you, SO much, for sharing your experiences and for leaving me with some food for thought!! 21st century dating is somewhat lost on me. Like you, I'd rather meet my future husband organically. X
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