Forgive me for seeing your incoming call and, having acknowledged your decision to reach out to me, I chose to ignore you by deliberately not answering.
Forgive me for dodging your eye contact at that all-important networking event, aka Let's-See-If-There-Is-Anybody-In-Attendance-Who-Is-Worth-Pretending-To-Be-Interested-In-Just-To-See-If-Doing-So-Can-Have-Me-Level-Up-In-My-Career (event), and, when you came over and said a warm "hello", I chose to behave as though you're somebody not worth knowing by deliberately walking away from you in the direction of those regarded as 'big wigs'.
Forgive me for assuming you're okay with me picking you up and dropping you as and when it suits me, depending on the availability of those I want to hang out with, based on their social and professional status, whenever I reluctantly contact you after they have confirmed they're unavailable but then, of course, I quickly swerve you (again) when their circumstances change.
Forgive me for telling you that my recent trauma has me feeling as though I don't want to socialise with anybody, anywhere, anytime soon, but then, immediately afterwards, I consciously shared a video to my Instagram stories and WhatsApp status of myself and a few random individuals enjoying ourselves at a very prestigious event the night before which I didn't invite you to.
Forgive me for taking you up on the offer of that freebie, more than once - the one which saw you go way beyond the extra mile, voluntarily - to help me progress with my career, only for me to then deliberately ghost once I had what I wanted from you.
Forgive me.
No, seriously, please do.
See, just like you, I'm in pursuit of my goals. I'm hustling; on the grind and I have tunnel vision. My focus is on achieving the next platform. The one that will propel me into the biggest spotlight; giving me the most amazing opportunity to realise my dreams of becoming the ultimate success story and, on my way, I'm stepping out on humility in favour of ignorance. Coincidentally, I've begun to act shady towards anyone with a small following across their social media accounts. I mean, if you have less than 5000 followers on Instagram, less than 1000 on Twitter and under 800 friends on Facebook, is there any point of me replying to your messages asking, "how are you, babe?", or answering your calls for us to have a 'catch up'? Maybe I don't see the value in an authentic friend who has been there from the jump and isn't like these suddenly-there 'friends' who only come around now they see me rising. Or, it could be that I do not respect your worth nor your talents which is why I take for granted the support you give me, so freely and so readily, when you make good use of your skills to benefit me.
I guess I'm out here thinking I've made it already, whatever that means, and now I've got my stush cloak on because, that's how famous people roll, right? It's difficult for me to get my head around how I'm supposed to act now that I'm making a few moves in a circle filled with people I'm not certain I can trust. But, wait a minute... Here's the thing: On Twitter, they gas me up whenever I share a new link to something I did in the mainstream. On Facebook, they're about anything and everything I post and, on the Gram, they comment telling me I look hot, I'm awesome at what I do and they rate me highly for the people they see me associating with; they got me feeling like I'm Beyoncé!
So, yeah. Forgive me. I'm famous now.
#candidramble
#charleyrealtalk
Your forgiven you are driving towatds your goals. We all need to keep focused to reach our mission mwah
ReplyDeleteBRILLIANT!! This is a perfect and detailed replicate of today's world. Or shall I say, London world/lifestyle. I also got sucked in this ego driving machine of fame feelings, that aren't real and I believe many of us do feel the same, even the most of them would never admit it. I will go back to the time, I cared deeply about everyone for it's human qualities, believing, seeing and valuing the good in people and gain more respect towards life and everything surrounding me, including myself. I am human, just like you and I want to thank you for this summary of chaotic circumstances, in which I lost and found myself.
ReplyDeleteWow! I luv how honest you have been, thank you for sharing! Really appreciate you taking the time to have a read of this post, reflect and then respond with such transparency. None of us are perfect however, not being perfect doesn't excuse any of us from remaining self aware.
DeleteWow!
ReplyDeleteSo easy to get caught up in this crazy world, London can suck you up and spit you out if you aren’t aware of everything and everyone around you.