LINE UP YOUR GOALS

If you never go after the life you truly want you will end up having to settle for a life you don't want. Therefore, it makes sense to continue in the direction of your dreams regardless of any battles you face.

Now, I'm not about to preach that it's at all easy to persevere during a rough chapter, which might present a stumbling block between where you are currently and where you would like to be, but, what I will say is that, it is possible to achieve all of your goals irrespective of the inevitable bumpy roads!

REVIEW YOUR LIST
- Are your goals realistic?
- Why do you want to achieve those particular things?
- How will you benefit from each achievement?
- Is your list about you, or someone else?
- When did you decide on this list; what frame of mind were you in?
- If the goals are still relevant, do they need to be reigned in a little?
- What gets you down about the pursuit of this list and why?
- Have you been honest with yourself about your failings and the next steps you need to take?

- Are you moving intentionally?

THINK GOOD, LIVE GOOD
For me personally, the moment that I decided to find a positive in every negative is the second I began to enjoy my life more. It also does the world of good to not front about any hardship you might be facing. Last November I had to ask for a big help from somebody and albeit incredibly difficult and a little embarrassing, real talk, I did it and am so glad that I did because, without their help there would have been a serious glitch in my Matrix! Whilst we have no control over unexpected situations, we can control how we deal with those hurdles. It might not be easy, but, your persistence will pay handsomely!

THANK THEM & MOVE ON
Not everybody who walks into your life is to be offered permanent membership. It is so true that, despite however many months/years a person may be around, they can be gone at any time - be that by their own choosing, or as a result of circumstances - and you would be doing yourself the greatest favour by sending out gratitude into the universe for having had them in your life, and for whatever they may have taught you, then moving on with your own. Allowing yourself to be so caught up with emotions that you begin to spend less and less time focused on what's important will never serve you well. You've got to build resilience.

TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT
The same routine, methods, circles, etc., can hold us back. Branch out; go somewhere you haven't been before, connect with new people, learn a skill that will support your goals and don't wait to have somebody by your side before you take those steps. The world has so much to offer you but, you're not likely to receive these offerings if you stay in the same place, doing the same things, with the same people all the time.

TREAT YOURSELF

Take a break from the grind, now and then, to reward your hard work and progression, or to just breathe! It can be anything from spending time with a friend to a bit of solo shopping, as long as it's an actual break from your hustle and doesn't impact negatively on any other area of your life.

So, revise that list and make sure your evaluation is an honest one. Have an abundance of faith in yourself. Try not to seek approval from anybody else and just do your thing. Be motivated by reminding yourself that the alternative to having what you really want is not an option for you; let this push you to stay consistent with your efforts to achieve your goals. Create a daily schedule for yourself right now and commit to it.

'Tis definitely the season to start being a bit kinder to yourself! 

As I always tell you, you've got this!!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

FESTIVE TREATS FOR THE FAMILY!

I hope my Christmas post last week and the week before were useful to you during your preparations. If you're anything like me [and other festive early birds] all the presents have been bought and wrapped, the decorations are in full effect, the tree is rocking its best lights, tinsel and angel [or, whatever your preference might be] and the food menu has already been decided!!

All that's left is to make sure you have a few additional essentials that will add to the joy and beauty of the day. They will also impress your loved ones too, I'm sure...

NIBBLES

Whilst waiting for the feast to be served, hungry tummy's may want a little something to keep them from growling, lol.. Bitesized or finger-food is always a good shout.

TABLE DECOR
My aunt Rita has such a good eye when it comes to dressing her dining table per seasonal event and I absolutely love it. I think it's so nice to do this and, with it, you can also include things to entertain.

SECRET SANTA STOCKING
This isn't something my family do, but, it would be awesome to have a huge stocking by the front door filled with mini surprise gifts that your heart beats can take with them when they leave. I sometimes do this for myself - with a reusable stocking - that I fill with bits and bobs a few months before Christmas eve so that I forget what's inside. Anything from mini skincare treats to Lush goodies!

GAMES
My family have the best time with old school games such as Guess Who and Trivia as well as some of the newer ones available to buy from pretty much all good retail stores. The games/activities provide extra fun, laughter and add to the positive, cosy vibes of the day. 

If you don't celebrate Christmas, which is absolutely fine, I hope whatever you do over the festive days brings you lots of joy and you carry that vibe with you into the new year. God bless x

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

All images taken from Google

ARE YOU READY FOR CHRISTMAS?

I am so ready for Christmas, my excitement is on another level! Let's get into it!

GIFTS
I love buying for others, however, this year, my budget was very small, so, I bought each loved one just one present [I often like to give two per person] and stuck with boutique stores on the high street which are purse friendly! I'm also terrible at wrapping so, I tried to be a tad more creative with it. I purchased affordable brown wrapping paper, recycled some rose gold ribbon and bought discounted present decorations. Albeit nothing remotely special, or unique, I feel proud of my extra effort and know that the recipients will be extra grateful.

Altogether the wrapping items cost £3.99!! There are many places you can find some gems without having to leave yourself completely broke! Try Amazon, Lidl, Flying Tiger [formerly known as Tiger and Tiger Tiger], Poundland, Savers and small independent shops. Cheap doesn't always equal tat!! Shop wisely.

TIP: You can save your November and December income for January if you buy your Christmas gifts between August and October! Nobody wants to start a new year broke!

HOME DECOR
I'm not always one for decorations, however, sometimes, I do like to have a few basic mini Christmas ornaments around my home. I opted for a handful of items from Poundland and B&M Stores which work a treat. I had a look in Primark too, but, their products didn't really do much for me and I found them to be a bit pricey for what they were. I don't always have a Christmas trees, but, when I do, I opt for simple and/or unusual - think of a black, or white sparkly one with minimal decor added. 

B&M Stores

Poundland

Primark

B&M Stores

FUN THINGS TO DO
November 2017, the family and I went to Kew Gardens which was so amazing! The views were stunning; beautiful, and it was quite peaceful too despite it being fairly busy. 

I also had a lovely time at Winter Wonderland. There was a lot to see and take part in. I'd suggest getting there at the opening time to fully immerse yourself in all that it has to offer for the day with less people around. It's a really fun experience, in my opinion, and I hope to visit again!

Anything fun, interactive, and that the whole family, or your group of friends, can join in with, is a great way to get into the festive spirit. From ice-skating, to a weekend ski trip, a themed outing, etc., make the most of the days leading up to Christmas if you can.

OUTFITS
When it comes to parties - from a gingerbread person, Mr or Mrs Claus, an elf, or a turkey - there are too many costumes I could suggest so, I'll leave you to research those for yourselves, ha-ha...

Whether you choose pyjamas or Christmas attire, make it quirky and fun for you and those you'll be celebrating with. If you don't celebrate, still get up and show up for yourself :)

You can coordinate with the seasonal colours, or the decor of your home. You could opt for a Christmas jumper, or a two piece and add a few classic jewellery items [keep them minimal though. You don't want to look like you've decided to rival the tree!]. Or, you can dress in a classic, simple yet stylish outfit that is both for the season and on trend. Maybe an old festive top will go well with your fave skirt, trousers, pinafore, or leggings. You don't need to buy something new and extravagant. Whatever you go for, it's all about having a good time!

I think, for me, the most important thing is that I don't overspend. Christmas is about quality time and laughter with loved ones not the exchange of material possessions and leaving myself with empty pockets... 

Happy festive planning! 

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

YOU VERSUS YOU

There are a number of untold situations that can have us feel utterly devastated. From break-up's to job loss, financial woes, or a life changing illness; it is never easy to navigate ourselves through testing times and find the light at the end of such a gloomy tunnel.

Many moons ago I was terrible at dealing with any intense sudden changes in my life. I'd react badly and my behaviour would often hurt those around me. Nowadays, not only am I much stronger and far more capable [emotionally and mentally, despite my struggle with anxiety], I do very well, if I do say so myself, at getting back on track after something awful happens. I am so much better at dealing with life's challenges quickly and effectively.

The following may not work for everyone, however, you've nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain by trying these steps whenever you're faced with a serious turn of events...

Take a step back from the situation
Give yourself the time and space to calm your thoughts [over thinking is never helpful] and to understand your emotional connection to the matter.

Assess things as though you are an outsider 

Being caught up in the 'drama' of it all can have us respond irrationally which is likely to make things worse. What, exactly, is the real issue and how, realistically, can it be solved?

Reflect on your most recent positive memory

We automatically smile and feel relaxed at the thought of an experience that we enjoyed - this energy is always best when tackling difficulties.

Approach the issue with brutal honesty

Analyse your feelings and be real about why you're allowing them to stay with you... It may be an incredibly rough chapter but, you're alive and should continue to write the many pages left of your story in a way that contirbutes towards a beautiful ending.

Get another perspective

Speak with somebody you trust - explain things with transparency. Perhaps this trusted individual will open up your mind on the matter, or they may simply give you another view on how to deal with everything. Either way, you'll feel great once you've got it off of your chest.

Be humble

You don't know everything, you never will and you're not right all of the time which is okay. Embrace the blessings of being a student for life and the numerous people in this world who [at times] will have the answers you cannot find on your own!

Try to learn and apply the lessons immediately
An 'L' is not a loss. It is an opportunity to LEARN. It's a well known fact that until we actively implement certain lessons we will continue to battle the same problems.

New strategies

Put coping methods in place from the lessons learned so that you're less likely to feel/stay down when you arrive at the next stumbling block.

Life is way too short to spend precious time on anything, or anyone, that doesn't encourage positive growth.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

ARE YOU ON THE RIGHT PATH?

For some people, knowing what direction to take is made obvious to them at a young age. For others, the tug of war between choosing a career path and accepting any job offer [to pay their bills] is a never ending battle! The struggle can be so real, but, it doesn't have to be. If you often say to your loved ones, "I don't know what I want to do; I can't decide", or you feel a bit lost when it comes to deciding what you want to do, the following might help.

SEPARATE YOUR LIKES and DISLIKES
This is the old school method of whittling down your key interests. Take pen to paper, draw a line down the centre [creating 2 columns] and title one section 'Likes' and the other 'Dislikes' then fill in accordingly. Think generally; in terms of life, not jobs.

CLARIFY WHAT MATTERS TO YOU
The 'Dislikes' section is what you will no longer accept - both personally and professionally going forward, so, take note! From your 'Likes' column, choose your 2 favourites and write a short paragraph about why you're most passionate about each one. Then, write a new list of careers and jobs [you can create roles for yourself too] that focus on, or incorporate, those particular interests. Once finished, pick the one that aligns with you most.

SHOWCASE YOUR SKILLS/EXPERTISE
What jobs can you do, or what opportunities are/might be available within your chosen field? Create a portfolio of experience in line with what it is you have decided you want to do. If this isn't possible, draft an introduction letter and invite the recipient to *meet with you at a place and time that is mutually convenient. Prepare thoroughly [know exactly what your objective is] and attend with enthusiasm and optimism. Send out as many invitations as possible. Somebody will agree to see you!

*Make sure you tell a loved where you will be, with whom and at what time, etc.

STICK WITH THE PURSUIT OF ONE PASSION TO BEGIN WITH
Sometimes it's better not to juggle too many goals and instead focus on one, thus allowing yourself the necessary time to see it through. Seek out the companies, businesses, etc., whose work appeals to you [based on how closely that relates to what it is you want to do] and find out the name of the person, or people, you can reach out to for an opportunity which, be aware, might initially be on a voluntary basis despite any experience.

AN ALTERNATIVE OPTION
Once you're clear on what you want to do, think about starting your own business! I'm no expert in that area, but, DO YOUR RESEARCH. As per your key interests, could you run your own company? How can you do that? What will you need? Where should you start? What support is available to you? Can you apply for funding?

I say this to you a lot, but, I'm going to tell you again!! You've NOTHING TO LOSE and potentially EVERYTHING TO GAIN so, GO FOR IT! Take a risk...

There's an extremely thin line between chasing money and pursuing your dreams. Your health should be as much of a priority as keeping a roof over your head - the stress of a job you don't particularly want to do could prove to be detrimental. Your time on this earth is not to be spent working just to pay bills, more so if the job you're doing is unfulfilling! The life you want is within reach, keep pushing.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

SOUTHEND VIBES

I cannot quite put my finger on what it is about Southend-on-sea that I love so much, but, I truly believe it makes for such a great day out! I'd go quite often when I was a child and still like to visit as an adult, to be honest.

Adventure Island is the main attraction, I'd say, with rides, places to eat, an arcade and a purpose built indoor activities centre. It's quite exciting, especially for kids. I recently took a colleague there as she had never been before. To say, "she loved it" wouldn't come close to just how much she enjoyed herself, although, due to having motion sickness, she was sick a few times!

Most of the rides are quite full on, but, The Dragon Claw and Rage give you an intense, stomach churning experience!! Both have almost everybody screaming for the entire duration, LOL! One is a super fast roller coaster with a brutal drop and the other delivers a very quick succession of upside down and twisty spins. Avoid these if you don't have a strong stomach, real talk!!

On the Island there is a beach and, although nothing like the gorgeous feel of Brighton beach, it's quite nice to sit there for a while with an ice-cream and just take in the views. I would suggest you don't go in the sea because, it's absolutely vile [filled with discarded rubbish, debris, etc.] and smells awful! That said, many people do opt for a little dip, or swim.

Entry to the Island is free, the 'adventure' comes at a cost, but, it's super affordable, cheaper if you book online and the bands permit unlimited use of the rides throughout your visit. Other attractions, e.g. Sea Life, boat rides, etc., come at an additional cost but, again, they're super affordable. There is definitely something for everyone and laughter is guaranteed!

Add Southend to your list of places to visit in the UK [during summer], if you haven't already, and make sure you check out the travel route!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

LONDON'S LITTLE VENICE!

I'm going to keep this post short and sweet, much like the place in question.

Many years ago, I heard the words "Little Venice" and literally thought it was somewhere abroad; perhaps in Italy. I quickly learned that it's but a stone throw away [from where I lived at the time] and somewhere everyone should most definitely visit especially because, it's free entry and anything you want to do, or indulge in, is super affordable.

Warwick Avenue station, on the Bakerloo line, brings you to the entrance of Little Venice and following the path takes you on a stunning walk where many cute boats sit afloat a river that is also home to some swans.

With scenic views, Little Venice is very Zen. You might feel as though you're actually on vacation, most certainly if you visit between July and September! It definitely gives you holiday vibes. As well as places to eat and history to take in, there are other hidden gems within it which is most exciting when discovering them for the first time. 

My favourite is the river boat restaurant named 'Daisy Green' [formerly Darcie Green]. It's stylish, comfortable, modern, colourful and has a very relaxed vibe. They have a bar within the restaurant too! 

Little Venice has become one of my favourite spots in London to visit and, if you haven't already gone to explore, make sure you check it out during the summer! 

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

Photography by Charley Jai.

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

TIPS FOR STAYING POSITIVE

There was a time when I was a right misery, real talk! I am now Mrs Optimistic; I try my very best to see the possibilities in every challenge and to maintain a cheery disposition no matter what. Wait a minute!! I am not one to avoid reality. I simply CHOOSE to keep a great mood, stay upbeat, happy and with a consistently grateful heart irrespective of what I might be going through. But, how?

INTENTIONAL ACTIONS
I often remind myself of the many reasons I have to be thankful. I then say aloud at least 2 of those things and keep them at the front of my mind. In addition to that I give myself a reality check. E.G. - "I am happy and grateful to be alive and have a really cool job. But, nothing lasts forever, so, I need to positively embrace all that I've been blessed with while I still can". When you think good, you really do live good. I also ensure I am clear with myself about why I am doing whatever it is I have chosen to do. Moving with intent is a game changer!

DEDICATION
Without committing to change it won't happen so, I make a note of the benefits I feel and see from walking with a positive mindset [especially where my anxiety is concerned] and I also tell myself, "if the effort isn't consistent the results will be non existent". Change is inevitable. If we fight it, we may hurt ourselves, or those around us, far worse than if we just accepted every turning point with grace and commitment.

HEALTHY OUTLOOK
I think almost everything is about reaction. I know only too well, from experience, that it will always serve me better to look for the good in any bad situation I may face. I do incredibly well, if I do say so myself, at finding a positive in any negative situation! Sitting with misery makes you more miserable which is defeatist.

SELFLESS DAILY GOAL
To make somebody smile/laugh is a big deal for me! It makes me so chuffed to know I've added joy to another person's day and in doing so, I add to my own happiness.

HEARTY COMPANY
We all know that the people we keep around us will automatically have an effect on our vibe. Their attitude/energy will pour into us whether we like it or not. The vibes are contagious, so, I only allow myself to be around those with the same, or a similar, frame of mind; people who make a choice to be good, kind, caring, etc.

SELF-WORTH
Far from being arrogant, I am so comfortable in my skin and confident with who I am, where I've been, all that I have overcome and everything in between. I know my value and I know that it deserves to be matched!! In all areas of my life, not allowing myself to settle for anything less that I believe I am worthy of helps to sustain my positive approach to life. It's ridiculously important that one learns to maintain a healthy, respectable, honest relationship with themselves.

THE RIGHT PLANS
It's definitely a priority for me to have things to look forward to on a weekly, if not daily, basis - that could be a dinner date with friends, time spent in nature [on a walk], a blog shoot, spa day, exercise... Anything that will bring me joy!

You're one choice away from living the life you actually want! Go get your positivity on and watch how quickly you start to feel and think in a way that has you living a more fulfilled and rewarding life!! 

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF!

I know it can be incredibly difficult to lead with your heart, especially if you've been hurt quite badly, but, I also know that it can be very taxing on your soul when you deliberately ignore your true feelings.

Many of us have a fear of, or worry about, being let down [usually based on a past experience] and that fear/worry is likely to build a barrier between where we are and where we could be if we would just let ourselves trust again. If you allow your past to dictate your future, you will most certainly miss out on a lot of greatness which could actually last forever!

How about you take the lessons and just look ahead. Not everyone you meet will have an ill agenda towards you and, having learned from previous relationships, I'm sure you'll be able to spot any red flags and will then do a speedy U-turn, right?!? Make space for your heart to reap the joy that it deserves...

None of us are perfect and no two people are the same, so, we shouldn't judge the next by the previous. At the end of the day, when it comes to matters of the heart, you know by the way it feels so, make sure your pride, ego, stubbornness and outside influences are not standing in the way of you being with someone who could actually be The One if you'd only give them a real chance.

If holding on to pain from a toxic/painful experience has seen you block a potential new chapter with somebody and you're now ready to let go of that feeling, reach out to them and explain in as much detail as you can so you are understood and they're given the opportunity to realise why you may have been acting in a way that has left them confused about where they stand with you. Ask that they be patient whilst you recover instead of pushing them away completely. It's never easy to put yourself out there and trust again after being hurt, but, it's hugely important that you get yourself together and move past it. There's everything to gain from letting go. Leave the past alone! It can have no negative impact on where you are now, or where you plan to be, without an invitation.

There are too many wonderful people in the world for you not to find a few that match your personality, interests, standards, etc. Plus, the years continue to roll by ridiculously fast, so, literally, the time for embracing change, stepping outside of your comfort zone, taking a realistic and well considered risk on matters of the heart, is NOW!

Again, don't allow yourself to miss out on the possibility of something super awesome with someone [romantic, or otherwise] based entirely on a negative experience with anyone else. You are 1000% deserving of greatness!!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR HOME

Personally, I take great pride in making sure my home is inviting, especially during the hotter months. Not that I host much, partly due to my anxiety and, also, because, I'm really precious about who I allow into my personal space, however, I do like to keep my home in order. So, although there's no 'one size fits all', here are a few tips to help you maintain a presentable home that you will always feel proud to open the door to [you may already do these things which is great]!

BULK BUY
Buying in bulk means I buy less often and I save a lot of money too! It's a good idea to ensure you always have the essentials. You don't ever want to be caught out, more so if you're having guests over. I tend to purchase a few of each items [toiletries, cleaning materials, etc.] every 2 - 3/4 months and I use them sparingly [we don't need as much as we think]. 

PERSONAL STANDARDS
Your own cleanliness and hygiene will have an impact on how you feel about yourself and how you socialise. Feeling fresh and smelling good, as well as looking presentable, will naturally uplift your mood, boost your confidence and put a spring in your step. Also, when you feel good within yourself, you'll want to ensure that same vibe is felt throughout your home, which will encourage you to maintain a clean and tidy household.

DAILY EFFORT
Clear up after yourself as you go and put things back in their designated place [not just anywhere that's out of the way] straight after you're done with them. Leaving dishes to pile up, a mix of clean and dirty clothes to sort through with the time you likely do not have, a messy lounge to be tidied 'some other time', etc., could be left pending for too long, which just creates more mess and chaos! Your home is your sanctuary and so returning every day, primarily if you've had a bit of a challenging day or a full-on time at work, to a clutter free, clean space will do wonders for your overall health!

EVENING COMMITMENT
Get ready for tomorrow before you go to bed! Choose your outfit, decide what you'll need with you for the day and prepare; get everything ready! This will give you peace of mind and support a good night's sleep and, the following day, you're less likely to leave your home looking like a number of bombs have gone off after a frantic rush to get ready. 

Do a little every day so there is less to do at the end of the week/month. Make a conscious, daily effort and you will see positive, long term results. Plus, you'll definitely feel a thousand times better within yourself and about your home. Visitors will probably compliment how zen your home is too!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

THIS MIGHT CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Although the actual list is far more extensive, here are a few things I think we should all implement, long-term...

UTILIZE YOUR TIME
The more you allow yourself to get worked up about the time you do, or don't have, the quicker you lose it. Better to spend every second doing whatever it is you need, or want to do that contributes towards good health and a good life. Let me not remind you how short life is!!

CONSCIOUS MOVES
There's everything right with choosing to not settle for anyone [or anything] you do not feel, in your heart, is right for you. To settle is like telling the world, "I don't believe I am worthy of receiving the things I truly want/need". Erm, hello? You are more than worthy!

IGNORE THE HYPE!
I understand wanting to stay on top of the latest trends, news, events, etc., however, allowing yourself to be consumed by things [and people] can be a distraction which isn't likely to serve you well. 

ACCEPT HELP/SUPPORT
There is no such thing as Superhuman, sorry to disappoint you. When you know you could do with a helping hand, a shoulder, some advice, etc., request it. There is nothing wrong with having help to succeed. It would be worse to [potentially] not achieve success because you wouldn't ask for support.

SAY "YES" TO INVITATIONS
Unless you genuinely have other commitments, whether things are good with you, or not, I believe it's a great idea to take advantage of every opportunity to spend time in good company. Sometimes the very thing we feel we don't want is exactly what we need to give us the motivating, or positive and encouraging, vibe we're missing. 

SAY "NO" TO WHAT'S EASY
This is one of the worst things you can do to yourself and others. I, myself, have done this [gone for something I knew I could do with my eyes closed, even though I didn't want it] and, although I do not regret my choice [it was a tremendous learning curve]. Never will I do that again because, I ended up making myself unwell and I under performed because, I couldn't stand it - the building, the people, the structure, the way the business was run, etc. It was not for me!! I believe it will always be much more rewarding to hold out for something that's in line with your morals and professional goals; a role which allows your personality to shine!

Think about what it is you're doing; the things you do, how you interact with others, what and whom you give your time, energy and efforts to and how those actions contribute towards your goals. The aim of that thought process should be to reach a logical conclusion about the choices you're making so you can make better ones where necessary and possibly but, don't over think. You've got this!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

5 COMMUNICATION TIPS

The list below is one I believe everyone can benefit from, myself included. Nobody is consistent with delivering great communication 100% of the time, so, here are some tips you might find useful!

⦁ Before having a conversation [especially if you want to raise a particular issue] with anyone, make sure your information about the matter is on point and you're equipped with the relevant details and experience, [think about this for a few minutes based on the conversations you've had in recent months] as this can make all the difference. In most cases, to speculate, assume, pretend to know [when you really don't], or to lack the necessary understanding is likely to cause the type of problems you may not be able to rectify. 

⦁ Where possible, talk it through with yourself first. Is it a conversation you need to have? There are times when it will later be realised that the circumstances have only been made worse by sharing something you ought to have just acted on, or left alone.

⦁ Know the place you're coming from because, if you genuinely care and the aim is to simply demonstrate that, you're more likely to remain calm, positive, reasonable, patient, responsible with both your words and temperament and, most importantly, you will be respectfully honest, all of which will enable you to see things from both perspectives.

⦁ Make sure you listen to hear and for clarity not just to respond with whatever it is you're thinking, feeling, or believe! One of the quickest ways to find ourselves in an argument, or dealing with unwanted confrontation, is to talk at someone [instead of speaking to them] which can easily come off as rude and disrespectful because, maybe without noticing, we disregard the other persons views on the subject whereby, the focus is ourselves and the points we want to make. This can show a complete lack of respect and ignorance.

⦁ Don't front about anything being discussed! No level of stubbornness makes a winner!! It is more than okay to state that you need examples, or that you just do not get where the other person is coming from. Better to have the whole picture than just a frame!

Above all, [try to] have an open mind, be willing to compromise and take the time to really try and see the other point of view. The goal should be to learn something and that can only be done by listening and being patient. You do not want to lose it, especially over something that may not even be a 'big deal'! Not everyone can forgive what may transpire once tension begins to build. Try, no matter what, to stay calm.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

ARE YOU LONELY?

I find it really interesting that the things we are ill affected by the most are the very subjects we tend to 'shy' away from speaking openly about when, in actual fact, because there are so many people who can relate to those particular things than we maybe realise, having an open, candid discussion could prove to be the exact encouragement any of us need.

Here's the thing: there's often a misconception that nobody who has a family, lots of friends, an active lifestyle, a partner, hobbies, money and who appears to have their life in order [whatever that might mean to you] can ever feel/be alone, or lonely and, in my opinion, such a belief is ignorant.

Several years ago, despite being in a great place, I mostly felt disconnected from the people around me and the things I was involved with [work, freelance projects, parties, events, etc.]. The reason I would sometimes feel that way, I later discovered, was due to a lack of common, or genuine ground. It's possible to be surrounded by many, but, at the same time feel that you're entirely by yourself because energies don't truly align [for you].

Loneliness is due to having a lack of, or no emotional, connections [be that as a result of a past experience that has you with your guard up, or others finding that they do not want to, or just cannot connect with you based on their own personal issue's, or having had conflict with you]. The physical impact of that is being alone. It's important to understand the difference because, although both are very serious and can go hand in hand, in my experience, they cannot necessarily be resolved in the same way.

When a person feels lonely they may seek validation, comfort, attention and also judge their sense of worth, or importance, in the wrong places, in the wrong way, or from the wrong people, which can lead to anything from [deeper] feelings of rejection, promiscuity [and the subsequent shame, or other consequences that can follow unsafe/carefree sexual activity], aggressive behaviour, or even suicidal thoughts.

If you know that you feel lonely, or are alone, you can, if you choose, improve your situation, whether you have trusted loved ones within reach or not! There are a number of social groups, health advisors and charities that offer free advice which are **available to you regardless of your age, race, gender, religion, background, etc. Help yourself by seeking out those opportunities to share your thoughts and feelings via the avenues specifically in place to provide you with that type of support.

You need not feel embarrassed nor ashamed to contact these organisations. If you do, try to begin tackling the problem yourself by noting down why you're feeling lonely/alone. Have you fallen out with people? Can you resolve the issue between yourselves? Is the problem work related? What can be done about it? Be brutally honest with yourself! While sometimes those who were [or who are currently around you] might have caused you to feel lonely/alone [maybe they pushed you away for whatever reason], there are times when you will need to take sole responsibility and start by taking a closer look at yourself.

Perhaps your situation is not about shutting people out of your life, or having been shut out of the lives of others, and doesn't have anything to do with someone else, a job, or your household. If that's the case, take a good look at all other areas/aspects of your life and note down what you feel/believe is missing, or lacking, and be truthful about the reasons [possible reasons] why. Resolving the issue of loneliness, or being alone, could be as simple as making the choice to stop focusing on what is lacking and instead focus on everything that is going well for you. 

Whatever your story and however you choose to deal, do not give up on yourself; your present, nor your future. Know that your life is valuable and of great worth! Do everything you can, responsibly and within reason, to overcome this hurdle. You might be feeling lonely, but, you are not alone x

** Click here for further support.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

BEING HOMELESS

Image owned by Moses Adeyemi

Moses Adeyemi who triumphantly won the popular Channel 4 Series 'SAS: Who Dares Wins', 2016, took to the streets of London recently to live homeless in a passionate bid to raise awareness of the shocking numbers of people without a home. In a short video uploaded to YouTube, respectfully edited, Moses depicted the severity of this problem in the heart of a WEALTHY capital often believed to offer a better way of life.

As I watched the video, which introduces the viewer to a number of people living rough; some on drugs, with disabilities, others battling mental health issue's, etc., I went through every emotion, I really did. Albeit keen to support the charitable efforts of Moses, I quickly became angry and felt enraged, frustrated, confused, helpless, and all other feelings in between. How on earth is this life for some people in England, London?

The footage I saw tugged aggressively at my heart strings. "What more can we, the 'little people' do? How can we help those below the poverty line?", I asked myself. Knowing about and seeing homelessness has somehow become the norm in a country so ridiculously wealthy; I struggle to comprehend how so many are without a home and a regular income, especially in this day and age.

Campaigns for equal pay make the news [rightly so] and are successful. Campaigns to find someone's camera that was lost at sea go viral. Campaigns to boost the Instagram page of an 'aspiring model' are answered. Campaigns to remedy a growing crisis such as homelessness? Slowly, slowly, or not at all.

Poverty is on the increase and I believe this contributes massively to a rise in suicide rates [notably amongst men] and notoriously violent crimes. Money is unequally distributed and, in my opinion, that is not at all justified and so, while the rich get richer, the poor lose their homes, end up on the streets and are subject to the most horrid depravity one can imagine. 

I'm fed up with it! The state of the UK needs a team of dedicated and compassionate government officials who are well equipped with the necessary skills and resources to appropriately tackle and positively remedy the growing number of problems that continue to have such a grave impact on its citizens. Primarily those already considered vulnerable! England is an extremely rich country, it never runs out of fuel, food, water, nor money! NOBODY should ever have to experience a day, week, month, or years without a roof over their head, hot water, heating, sanitary products, food, or anything else that EVERY human needs to live; survive!! The fact that there is such a thing as "the rich" and "the poor" in itself is tragic! 

In the video, titled 'Homeless in Central', one of the people interviewed by Moses says that he "just wants a job". Where are the open doors and opportunities for this individual? It is SO apparent that not everyone in a desperate situation is there by choice, or through a fault of their own. Some people are manipulated in a way that has them lose everything before they even realise it. Others are abandoned, or neglected, kicked out of the family home with no other options... 

Think outside the nonsense we're often fed by the media, the inexperienced, and the ignorant. NOT EVERY HOMELESS PERSON WAS ABLE TO CHOOSE, OR CHANGE, THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT LED TO THEM BEING ON THE STREET and getting off of the streets isn't as easy as many tend to think even with all of the services, organisations and individuals who do their part to support and help those without a home. No fixed abode = no job. No job = no decent income. No decent income = no fixed abode. No support, or help; not being given a chance, means the cycle continues until death!!!!

Watch the video

It is SO unfair when you consider what some people are paid to do certain jobs in comparison to the amount ONE homeless person needs to get back on their feet. If I could rid the world of all poverty I'd do so in less than a heartbeat.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.