I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD SURVIVE...

For many, it's been a tough year! Whether it was the end of a relationship, being let go from a job, poor health, financial strains, family conflict, the loss of a loved one, or other grave experiences that we know to be occurring around the world negatively impacting us, the last 12 months have been a tad dark at times to say the least.

Although I am good at staying optimistic, there are times when I feel that having a "you've got this" and "you can do it" attitude just doesn't work for me. Sometimes my mood is low, my energy levels are practically nil, and my mind goes all over the place. I occasionally feel 'done with the world'. I can feel quite lost, literally...

I've had moments of feeling total despair, especially during October and November. For me, they are my reflection months; when I begin to look back on the year and check myself as it were. 

A solid perspective was restored once I re-read one of my favourite books, by Oprah, titled 'What I Know For Sure'. See, what I know for sure is that I will continue to pursue whatever I remain passionate about until I draw my last breath, regardless of how well I may or may not be doing. But, I'll not be hard on myself should that passion fade or I not succeed! 

"The struggle is too real" is a phrase I heard a lot during 2017 and, for me, it definitely was in a number of ways, however, I stayed focused on the things and people who make me happy and encourage me to keep striving! This isn't easy, but, it is achievable and a great way to rise above any nonsense. I also made progress with anxiety - I, to a degree, started to speak openly about the things I was finding difficult. I absolutely loathe the thought that I may be a burden to someone and I have also had a real battle with letting folks in because, I haven't wanted to get close to anyone so as to avoid potential drama which may [inevitably] lead to a fallout. I praise God that I am much better at sharing the absolute truth of my feelings now [where necessary] and with the relevant people, organically. 

I'm proud of myself - I've done well with anxiety, I achieved the goal of publishing a blog post once a week [that might change to once a fortnight next year] and I've managed to live a fairly 'normal' life despite constantly being in pain [with fibroids]. I took a course in Photography, saved up and bought my first DSLR camera [and started a photography project], I kept up with my exercise, was chosen to host a big corporate awards show which champions and supports young people [Business Launchpad], launched my own clothing range in partnership with a charity, this blog was rated in the top 50 on the Top UK Blogger list by Feedspot and I successfully ticked off the majority of my vision board. I did alright, mate!

One of my main goals was to use the platforms available to me to support others and I did that. I have always done that. Next year the goal is to focus mostly on my own pursuits both professionally and personally. I need to look after myself before trying to look out for others. 

This is my last blog entry ahead of the festive season which, for me, is all about food and peace! LOL!!

Be good to yourself, folks. When it comes down to it, you're all you've got.

Thank you so, so much for supporting my blog [to date, it has received 47,000+ views worldwide], my radio journey and all of my other endeavours. I hope to have your continued support. God bless x

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

DO THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS EVERY YEAR!

A few years ago I decided to make a conscious effort to get my friends together on the odd occasion throughout each year to ensure we didn't fall into the virtual realm so many have become comfortable with which often leads to less real life contact and communication. Initially I created a WhatsApp group, to which I added my handful of true friends, then I began organising an outing every few months purely for fun and to obviously cultivate the friendships. 

Being one who loves to organise events (I worked as an events planner for several years), I soon proposed that I plan a dining experience to include table friendly games, gifts and a moment of thanks, once a year, a few weeks before Christmas. I named it 'The Annual Gratitude Supper' and the aim is to share positive and encouraging reflections of the year gone by, to inspire and uplift each other. It also prepares us for the year ahead in the best possible way.

This year we dined at Ping Pong, Southbank and we had such a fabulous time! We laughed from our arrival until we all said, "bye, be safe and send a message to the group when you're home" once we were done stuffing our faces, playing some games and exchanging gifts. If you've never dined at Ping Pong before, let me tell you, the food was super yummy, healthy and so affordable! I highly recommend you give them a try. After each having had a long day, we were desperately hungry and very excited for our evening together, so, I forgot to snap pictures of our food, table decor, the games and activities we played!!

In true Christmas spirit we pulled crackers, opened presents, ate delicious vegan treats (courtesy of Lola's Cupcakes) and we, of course, took turns sharing what we are grateful for (this year). It really was a wonderful time and the restaurant staff were delightful. I literally went out of my way to make this be an entire experience.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

14 TIPS: HOW TO NETWORK

The word 'networking' is no longer as daunting for some as it once was. In fact, it isn't a word we hear used very often these days because, the way we network has changed; it has evolved, or rather; we now approach it very differently to how we use to.

That being said, for those who may still feel a tad on edge when they consider having to 'network', the tips below may be helpful.

Instead of walking around an event armed with business cards you shove at anyone who says "hello" to you, an unplanned opening line, no target individual in sight and the 'oh so desperate to be booked' vibe, these methods and tactics may have you feel more confident. Give them a try! 

⦁ Get clued up! - What is the aim of the event you're attending? Who is the founder/organiser? Who is involved (from talents to sponsors) and in what way could you perhaps be part of the team in the future? What do you have to offer, if anything?

⦁ Have an aim. Why are you there? What do you hope to gain?

⦁ Do you! Be true to who you are (from head to toe, literally) - if you're uncomfortable in what you are wearing it will show and may send the wrong message/signal.

⦁ Social media is your business card/CV (to a degree, sadly; in fact annoyingly) - folks aren't likely to look through your actual credentials unless they like who you 'appear' to be online. Tidy up your profiles, make sure your name is the same, or similar across all.

⦁ What is your conversation starter? Will it be in relation to the event you're attending, or the weather that day? Are you going to introduce yourself then invite the other person to talk about themselves first? Know what you intend to say before you approach.

⦁ REMEMBER: networking means to have a chat; to get to know someone! You can do that anywhere, anytime, with anybody. So, try to start a conversation with the person who serves you the next time you go into a shop. You may find yourself talking to a superstar in the making!

⦁ Attend solo - you don't need to have a friend tag along just so you don't feel 'silly', or alone. It shows confidence when you arrive to an event on your own and that you also want to be approached; you're there to openly meet new people.

⦁ Eye contact is more important today than ever before. People are a lot better at reading one another nowadays and that starts with the locking of eyes during a chat. I mean, don't burn a hole in their pupils but, make sure you show them that you are keen to talk by paying attention with your eyes. Failure to do could have them lose interest and cut the convo short!

⦁ Your phone is your note pad - record all vital information in a draft email and send it to yourself (so, should your phone crash, you don't lose the notes you've made) and immediately (after leaving the event) follow those you connect with on social media so, you can start building a 'relationship' through content interaction.

⦁ However, do not be glued your phone and, if possible, don't keep it in your hand the entire time. You want to appear ready to mingle and will also need your hands free to greet with a handshake, take a drink (or nibbles) that may be on offer etc.

⦁ Make sure you carry chargers for any devices you use regularly that you plan to take with you to whichever events you choose to attend (just in case).

⦁ Document the experience (primarily for yourself) by taking pictures and video footage (yes, for Instagram, snapchat, and the rest, if that's your thing), but, also because, you never know how that content might benefit you going forward (in terms of creative projects you may embark on).

⦁ Be about getting to know the people not just collecting contacts. Folks can smell such an agenda a mile off and tend not to like it even if they know that's the reason for the actual event!

⦁ Finally, do not chase anyone. If you've made an attempt to speak with somebody and they (quite blatantly) show they're not interested, leave them be. There's plenty more people in the room/venue, I'm sure!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

DEAR UNDERCOVER ABUSER,

You were not born with the right to lead anyone into a false sense of security; to manipulate trust only to unleash a myriad of abuse.

You are a vile, insensitive, cruel and ignorant dictator. In fact, your personality traits match that of a narcissist; you operate with a 'what I want, when and how I want it and no other way' attitude. You are desperately controlling and therefore destructive. Interesting that you do to others as you would not want them to do to you, nor your family.

The way you keep and use so many around you is disgusting. Although some would argue that certain individuals are stupid for allowing themselves to be repeatedly abused, the fault is entirely with you! 

You're such a mess and I feel so sorry for you. There's an insecurity, or demon you're not dealing with that has you roll around town all Jekyll and Hyde! You go from being so lovely and ridiculously thoughtful to distant, rude, manic, aggressive and abusive so damn quickly. You become a brutal sexual predator thirsty for what isn't yours to take albeit violently taken as and when you like. Despite the cries, screams, frightened voices begging you to stop, you continue to abuse your power and position to do one of the most horrific and life changing, damaging, scarring things one human can do to another. You then discard your victim ready to prey on the next...

Dear Undercover Abuser, 

You are the worst type of human because, you've successfully managed to have so many people believe you are "nice"; one who is "charming" and "really cares about everyone" when the truth is you only care about yourself, your needs, your wants, your perspective on things and your feelings (those despicable, unjustified urges you allow to drive you). Everything you do is about your own desires regardless of how wrong those impulses may be.

You have now been exposed and can no longer hide who and what you truly are. Despite the bars, you've been given an opportunity to reform. Take it! Get well, if that is even possible. 

Karma is a two way street and, whether or not you are one day rid of your nasty thoughts and soul destroying behaviour, it will pay you a visit. I just hope that when it's done with you it doesn't cause you the same pain, heartache, despair, fear, trust issue's, physical scars, deep emotional damage (and the rest) that you've caused others.

On behalf of an army of survivors,
Not Yours but, Sincerely,
Charley Jai.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a personal story.

....................................................................................................................

To The Survivors (women, men, children, anybody of any age, who has had such an experience) - please be reminded that there is nothing you have done, or said, that can ever justify being violated in any way, shape, or form. You have been wonderfully made. You are beautiful and deserving of great things. Own who you are and then use that ownership to ensure you succeed, both personally and professionally. You can do it! 

Charley x

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

A CANDID INTERVIEW WITH LINDA E

She is a self proclaimed ambassador of enjoyment and is one of the warmest voices on radio. Her love of all things entertainment has seen her interview American actress AJ Johnson, hair stylist Tokyo, music artists Lisa Maffia and Bonkaz, to name a few. Her likeable personality has also meant she is often chosen to host a variety of events including Live Lounge for City Connex, SWAFF (Streetwear and Athleisure Festival) and PITCH for O.N.E Movement! I caught up with my friend and fellow presenter/host, Linda E, for a well overdue catch up!

How did you become a radio presenter? "Ha-ha long story short, friends of mine started a radio station a few years ago and I told them I wanted a show so, they gave me one".

The creative/media industry is bursting with talent. What sets you apart from the rest? "My energy is unlike any I've seen before. I think my blood should be studied by a scientist. I also have a good mix of emotional intelligence, normal intelligence and confidence".

Are you put off from pursuing your creative and artistic goals by the stories of misconduct and abuse within the entertainment industry? "Not at all. Unfortunately abuse and misconduct is part of many industries, so it has never put me off one bit. Not that it's okay but, I believe I can protect myself".

Do you feel social media is a help, or a hindrance to your profession/career? "Definitely a help, although you have to be savvy about the way you use it as well as filtering out the serious from the non serious people who may contact you".

As well as radio, hosting events and handling press coverage for Pulse88 (the home of your current radio show), you also have a regular job at the moment, and you're very active on Instagram too! How do you manage everything?" Honestly, I don't know. God has made me very good at juggling and when something is your passion you will always find a way to make it work!"

You took took part in my 'Layers' photography project (I've included some of the images in this article) and we had so much fun! How important is it to you that your audience see different sides to Linda E? "It's extremely important, I am a human being and a multifaceted one at that which is a good thing. Different parts of me may appeal to different people, so I want to show as many sides of me as possible".

If given the opportunity to ask anyone in the world just ONE question, who would you choose and what would you ask them? "Oh, this is hard because I talk so much, but, I would ask Oprah to give me all of her contacts so I could start my own TV network!!"

How do you intend to spend Christmas this year? "I'm not sure. Last year I was in Nigeria for Christmas, so, it will be hard to top that, lol... This year, I just want to have lots of fun!"

Follow Linda E on Instagram

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

Photography by Charley Jai.

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

8 REASONS WHY THAT JOB ISN'T FOR YOU!

This should not apply to you if you're self-employed because, surely the work you're doing is by choice and therefore you love it. If it does apply, perhaps you ought to reassess the nature of your work, how you're working, and look for ways in which you can improve productivity and progression. Alternatively, you may need to consider a new career path based on your passion (s).

If you tend to moan and complain about your job more than you speak of it fondly chances are things are terrible and not likely to get any better, or you haven't yet found a positive and productive way to jump the hurdles that come with it. That said, it could be that it just isn't the job for you especially if you identify with the following (and other such factors):

1. Monday is more than the sort of struggle we meme about! You feel quite low, irritated, moody, have a headache and these feelings stay with you throughout the working week.

2. You care much less about the company/your job than you did when you first started and, not only are you no longer working to the best of your ability, you find yourself frequently checking the time to see how long you have left before your shift ends.

3. Although you get along with your colleagues, you've lost interest in them socially and actually find yourself easily annoyed by them which is causing tension, conflict and an uncomfortable working environment.

4. You're cutting corners instead of being thorough, you lack attention to detail and always avoid going the extra mile. Your main focus when at work is going home!

5. You've started smoking more, or have taken up smoking so as to have frequent breaks.

6. Eating has either become a comforter, or there's a loss of appetite. Sometimes we eat larger quantities/portions when we don't have much to do, are bored, or just cannot be bothered to get on with our work. If you have found yourself suddenly eating junk food, or more processed foods than usual, your stress levels may be higher than you feel. A change in your appetite might be a sign of something a tad more serious! Could be worth consulting your GP.

7. Outside interests have taken a back seat due to minimal enthusiasm/energy, or you find yourself wanting to participate in activities that are a bit outlandish to compensate for the boredom and frustration you feel when at work.

8. Despite the fact that unemployment is not the way forward, you have considered quitting your job without first securing other prospects.

A job is one aspect of your life so, it should not consume your entire being. If you feel strongly that, even though you may enjoy the work, your job isn't for you, start making plans to go after what it is you'd rather be doing (career wise) and begin taking the relevant steps so you can move on! While it can be daunting to start over, it can also be one of the best times of your life, as you will undoubtedly learn a lot about yourself and will have opportunities to try new things, or maybe gain additional qualifications. So, get planning! Go and pursue the better that you deserve!! You were born to live not merely exist, especially not to serve someone else providing a service you don't even enjoy.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

5 TIPS: HOW TO LIVE BROKE!!

Sometimes, despite every effort to keep our heads above financial water, we run into difficulties and go through stages where we have a lot less than we need to keep the roof over our head and ensure we're eating every day. Sadly, for too many, this is an ongoing problem. If it's about low wages and your employer will not, or is not able to, give you a pay rise, keep looking for a job that pays better (without costing you more to travel to, etc.). If it's about expenses, revise your outgoings and cut/cull anything you can minimise or do without. 

Whenever you can foresee a month where you will have less money, it's a good idea to try to make sure you will still have everything you need (NOT want) because, the situation will be made a whole lot worse if you're unable to cover your costs and have food, real talk!

1. Bills first, always! - This must be your number one priority!! Take a look at your weekly/monthly expenditure list and make sure, no matter what, you have your overheads covered. Having a clear yet detailed spreadsheet can help to keep you on top of things. Revise the list regularly.

2. Reduce monthly travel costs by cancelling any non urgent plans - you can see your friends next month, go on that weekend trip with your partner another time and that treat you wanted to give yourself can wait until whenever!

3. Groceries - purchase the cheapest of the best/healthiest range from quality supermarkets/stores. Asda's own range is decent and Lidl is really good too! 

4. Toiletries - bulk buy cheaper (but good quality) alternatives of any products you're running low on. Especially deodorant, body lotion, etc. Not feeling good due to a lack of funds is one thing, but, you want to make sure your hygiene and appearance is on top form!

5. Increase your income - if you can, do (some) overtime and/or put your other skills to use by offering Freelance services to independent organisations (you may need to register as self employed to do this). Grab a pen and paper right now and write down all of the things you're good at for which you have proven experience. Put together proposals of your services then seek out those who are looking for someone with your skills/expertise and contact them. You've nothing to lose!

BONUS TIP

Take a look at the following apps (active at the time of publishing this post, however, they may not be available on all phones, or in every country) to help boost your bank balance by saving you a lot of money on your shopping! 

• Receipt Hog - scan shopping receipts to earn rewards.
• ClickSnap - cashback, discounts and more at selected retailers.
• CheckoutSmart - tells you where you can find local bargains and exclusive offers.

You are not your circumstances and everything is temporary, so, remain hopeful, stay busy, pray, confide in your trusted loved ones (who may be able to assist you during your tough times) and where necessary seek professional advice and support. You are strong and you're a fighter. There is no setback that you cannot overcome. x

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

HOW TO GET AHEAD FOR CHRISTMAS!

I've always enjoyed buying for others so, I tend to plan and prepare well in advance which allows for a decent amount of time to create/buy presents I can put a lot of thought into. I actually start thinking about Christmas gifts as early as July! I recycle decorations leaving me with only gifts to think about.

Here are some tips on how you can get ahead for Christmas without going broke.

TIP 1
Charity shops/ discount stores - towards the end of September/beginning of October, many of them stock decorations (much cheaper than high street shops), as well as novelty and sample products, like those pictured below, (that haven't been used) which are good for stocking fillers or they can be added to a box of assorted gifts.

These were 49p each from an East London charity shop!

TIP 2
Unwanted items - as long as they haven't been opened/used, you can give them as a beautifully wrapped present. Just make sure you're not giving the gift back to the person who bought it for you! LOL!!

TIP 3
Get creative - If you know a loved one is really into wall art, or home decor, for example, you can make a gift using bits and bobs you have at home, or inexpensive quality materials from your local craft shop. If you're not very good at D.I.Y, have a look on YouTube for 'How To' video's.

Home made wall quotes, total cost £3.99

TIP 4
Treatwell - this app/website is super useful for bargains! Whether it's a back massage you're after, a weekend away, or you want to book an experience for someone, there are many affordable treats and something for everyone, literally! Do the relevant checks before making any purchases.

TIP 5 
Reuse - instead of buying new outfits, especially if you'll only be indoors with your family, why not customise an old festive jumper and hat, or team the jumper you wore last year with a different pair of trousers, skirt, dungarees, dress, or jeans with an alternative make-up look and hairstyle?

Yes, that is my Christmas jumper of choice for 2017!

BONUS TIP
Going forward, if you can, buy a few bits throughout the year so as not to spend all of your November/December wages (in one go) leaving you behind on bills and broke come the New Year!

It isn't necessary to spend thousands, or even hundreds, for the few hours in the one day (or few days) for Christmas. The most important aspect is being with your loved ones, chilling, having fun and munching some yummy food! Be savvy; see how much you can save year after year.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

UNINSPIRED and LOST

There are times when I feel empty. It isn't just about a sudden creative block, or not being able to decide what I should blog about, or cover on the radio, etc. I have moments that can turn into weeks, or months of complete absence of self. Do you get what I mean by that? I literally go through a phase of just not knowing what I'm doing, why, of my actual purpose and where I should be at this point in my life. Sounds a tad dramatic, I know, but, this is (my occasional) reality...

Despite knowing better, I've often believed I'm the onlly person who experiences this - feeling uninspired and lost. However, I recently had a friend reach out, about one of my blog posts actually, who shared with me their own occasional tug of war with themselves, and it reminded me that we are never the only person to face difficulties, nor are we ever alone with anything we go through. There is always somebody else who has been, or is, on a similar path. Not only is there comfort in that, there's reassurance.

It's all about ensuring we have coping mechanisms in place. For me, aside from prayer, meditation and listening to upbeat music, I find a quick distraction to stop myself overthinking. I start reading or go for a walk. I also create visual reminders of how far I've come, I have a vision board, and I also write whatever comes to mind without thinking about the words on the page too much (which is how this particular post came about). These things help me massively!

I think when you feel uninspired and lost, it can be a great place to be in. Sometimes that's when you create your best work, a new idea, or get the answers you've been looking for to take you to the next stage of your life/career.

So, try not to feel down when it seems like everyone else has their ish together and you don't. Remember, no two people are the same and none of us are walking the exact same road (that and the fact that a lot of what you see online has been edited to portray a lifestyle, or present an image, that does not entirely represent the truth). Also, anything worth having is likely to be challenging which is a good thing because, you will appreciate it even more when it finally happens and it will happen if you keep trying. 

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

IS SURGERY RIGHT FOR ME?

DISCLAIMER: This post contains raw, unedited self captured images of my abdomen.

Improving ones health and fitness are intimidating, real talk. When I made the decision to change my lifestyle I was prepared to be challenged both mentally and physically. The truth is, if not for the pesky fibroids (which live in the lower section of my abdomen, causing it to protrude) I doubt I would have been able to maintain the changes I've made. 

Eating better, exercising (up to 1 hour, 6 days a week), meditation and working on my relationship with God (daily) has all contributed to the progress I have made and instead of a hysterectomy, I am considering a myomectomy.

On Friday 15th September 2017 I had an appointment with a new Consultant at my chosen London hospital and she gave me the news I had been wanting to hear since I was first diagnosed!! "You don't need to have your womb removed, we can just remove the fibroids".

I'll be sure to keep a diary (if the surgery goes ahead) and take as many pictures as possible so I can share the journey post op/recovery, god willing, to inform, educate and encourage those with any poor health conditions to seek advice and the necessary/relevant help to remedy the problem.

My anxiety conerning invasive surgery and subsequent recovery is A LOT, however, I am so ready to have these gremlins removed from my stomach and to then, hopefully, regain my former shape and continue living an even healthier lifestyle! Pray for me, or if you don't pray, visualise the operation being a success, please. I'll need all the positivity and words of encouragement that I can get should I choose to have the op!! If there is no post-op update within a year from the publishing of this article (17.09.2017) then it's safe to say I chose not to have the operation but am living well.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

YOU COULD SAVE A LIFE!

When a friend reaches out to you, send back a positive response.

Your friend might ask if they can talk to you in person. If you can't meet with them, give them a call. A Skype call, FaceTime, WhatsApp video call, even, but, make sure you speak with them. Maybe that friend just wants to hear your voice and so, actually, a chat on the phone will suffice. NEVER be 'too busy' to set aside all of 5 minutes for someone you call "a friend". If you really cannot spend time with them, or on a phone call, send a recorded voice message. There's always a way in which you can be there for someone even when at low capacity yourself. To ignore their message, or fob them off, should not be an option!

Be honest with them. If you do not have the mental or emotional strength to support them, let them know. Reassure your FRIEND that you want to be there for them and will make every effort to do so once you feel strong enough. Just DO NOT overlook their need for help in that moment.

Some years ago a beautiful, sweet, genuine, funny and caring friend of mine (who was like a sister to me) committed suicide. She was 16. On the day that she took her life I had promised to call her. I was unable to honour my promise because, at the time I was living at the family home and was not allowed to use the house phone. I had no other means of calling/contacting her (I was on a pay-as-you-go contract that had run out of credit). I went to sleep that night angry and upset knowing that she needed me and I wanted to be there for her. But, never did I imagine that she would take her life that same night around the time she was expecting my call.

I know that her death is not my fault, nor the fault of anyone else. I know that her woes had been with her long before she and I met but, her suicide; her choice to take her own life, affected me in ways I cannot put into words because, for the absolute longest time, I did in fact blame myself. I firmly believed that my call would've saved her.... To this day, although I no longer feel guilty, I still feel so awful about the circumstances. Was she going to say "goodbye"? Would she have told me what was troubling her? Could I have saved her life?

She and I spoke in detail about her troubles. Until that horrid day, I was the readily available shoulders to cry on, gave all the cuddles she wanted and the distractions through the music and banter that she came to rely on. I'll never forget the call I received from her mother to inform me that my dear, darling, friend, whom I had grown so fond of, had hung herself in her bedroom.

Sherelle Black was one of the shiniest humans I'd ever met and those who knew her will know exactly what I mean by that. A generous heart and such a lovely disposition, she made my time on the Theatre summer project where we met the absolute best and I miss her. I will always miss her.

You don't know what anyone is truly dealing with (deep down); how desperate they may feel about certain aspects of their life but, hearing from you, or seeing you, could potentially have a positive impact on them. It might just stop them from making a decision that will haunt you forever! I AM NOT SAYING SHOULD IT BE THE OPPOSITE THAT YOU WILL BE TO BLAME, absolutely not!! I'm saying, wherever possible, MAKE AN EFFORT WITH THE ONES YOU CLAIM TO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT. TRY NOT TO ALLOW ANYTHING OR ANYONE TO STAND IN THE WAY OF YOU SHOWING UP!

There have been times when I've asked/invited certain 'friends' to meet with me and haven't received a reply, or I've been asked, "why, what for?". I don't give them an answer. In fact, I don't contact them again. A true friend, in my opinion, will simply reply with, "sure, when were you thinking?" Or, "I can't meet with you at the moment but, I can give you a call sometime soon. Let me know when is good for you?". No matter what you might be going through yourself, please try not to reject someone who reaches out to you.

We all need someone. Nobody wants to be out here with life's hardships alone. Also, the one in need will not necessarily reach out directly stating their reason for doing so. They may share their work with you, or something funny just to grab your attention and engage you in a conversation in which they can ease their way into opening up about their troubles. Sometimes, there's nothing gravely wrong until your rejection... Sometimes they don't want to burden you, they simply want a moment of escape and peace from what is hurting them.

So, again, when a friend reaches out to you, send back a positive response. Look out for your friends/loved ones the very same way you expect, or would like them, to look out for you. If you don't consider them a friend of yours, tell them. Quit stringing them along! 

BE THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER. IT'S SO IMPORTANT.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

AIR FESTIVALS AND OWLS!

I spent part of my 37th birthday celebration in a town I visited during my youth which I could just about remember.... I enjoy travelling anywhere (outside of London) and am always excited to discover new things, or reignite good memories. Plus, I personally believe there's something wrong with knowing more about places abroad than (the stunning places in) your own country so, I had to revisit Bournemouth on the south coast and it did not disappoint! Well, apart from the sudden torrential downpour that is (thankfully the day before my birthday), LOL!!

Bournemouth was such a relaxing, fun time. The first day was spent sightseeing and exploring, walks along the beachfront, the air festival, plus a chance to get up close with a barn owl! The second/last day was spent at the Marriott Spa and it was too good!! The staff were amazing, the massage was heavenly and the facilities were lovely!

Back in London, I chose to dine and have drinks at Sketch and it was wonderful!! The decor is fantastic, the vibe is awesome and the hospitality is on a level nobody will ever be ready for, real talk! If you haven't already, make sure you check out this stylish, quirky establishment.

As a Londoner, In the past, I have underestimated just how many hidden gems and gorgeous places there are with lots on offer in the way of entertainment, etc. So happy that I looked closer to home, on this occasion, when arranging my birthday plans.

Special thanks to each person who remembers my birthday and makes an effort to have it be special and memorable for the right reasons. I appreciate you SO much! x

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

FEELING UNLOVED

To the tweeters, instagrammers and anyone else who often share their tales of not feeling loved, of being let down by so-called loved ones, and who struggle with love in general, please know that love starts at home; with you. The goal should be to fall in-love with all that you are instead of the need for any sort of validation through someone else's love for you. 

You are so much worthier than you realise. Worthy of being appreciated, valued, respected, wanted, needed, desired and loved. However, first and foremost, you've got to work towards feeling that way about yourself!

Love really is for everyone because, it can be found anywhere and has so many levels. From the feelings shared between friends, to family, colleagues, or your partner, love is there for the taking and should be celebrated as often as possible but, the celebration starts with you. Do you truly love yourself? How do you demonstrate that? Think about it.

I love myself - a statement I once never thought I'd be able to say out loud. I love who I was because, she is the reason I love everything about (the better) me today. I have a lot of self respect; I value myself and have no problem ensuring my happiness is at the top of my list every day. If we are not right with ourselves, how can we possibly be right for anyone else? I am so proud of all that I have overcome and achieved, I'm grateful for my life; I appreciate all that I have and I love the way I am always so full of gratitude. I'm not perfect (show me someone who is) however, I'm a good woman with a kind, nurturing, loving heart for which I thank God. 

I serve my heart before I seek to serve another and that's what I believe self love and being loved is all about.

You are loved. Whether you believe that or not, you are, it's a fact! Somebody somewhere loves you so, so much and they wish words never failed them so they could express the depth of their love for you. If you've not yet reached the stage where you are completely in-love with who you are, which will enable you to see the true, unconditional love others have for you, you've just got to somehow keep it in your mind! You. Are. Loved.

When the love is real there will be no questions asked. Each of your senses will feel it!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.