DO THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS EVERY YEAR!

A few years ago I decided to make a conscious effort to get my friends together on the odd occasion throughout each year to ensure we didn't fall into the virtual realm so many have become comfortable with which often leads to less real life contact and communication. Initially I created a WhatsApp group, to which I added my handful of true friends, then I began organising an outing every few months purely for fun and to obviously cultivate the friendships. 

Being one who loves to organise events (I worked as an events planner for several years), I soon proposed that I plan a dining experience to include table friendly games, gifts and a moment of thanks, once a year, a few weeks before Christmas. I named it 'The Annual Gratitude Supper' and the aim is to share positive and encouraging reflections of the year gone by, to inspire and uplift each other. It also prepares us for the year ahead in the best possible way.

This year we dined at Ping Pong, Southbank and we had such a fabulous time! We laughed from our arrival until we all said, "bye, be safe and send a message to the group when you're home" once we were done stuffing our faces, playing some games and exchanging gifts. If you've never dined at Ping Pong before, let me tell you, the food was super yummy, healthy and so affordable! I highly recommend you give them a try. After each having had a long day, we were desperately hungry and very excited for our evening together, so, I forgot to snap pictures of our food, table decor, the games and activities we played!!

In true Christmas spirit we pulled crackers, opened presents, ate delicious vegan treats (courtesy of Lola's Cupcakes) and we, of course, took turns sharing what we are grateful for (this year). It really was a wonderful time and the restaurant staff were delightful. I literally went out of my way to make this be an entire experience.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

14 TIPS: HOW TO NETWORK

The word 'networking' is no longer as daunting for some as it once was. In fact, it isn't a word we hear used very often these days because, the way we network has changed; it has evolved, or rather; we now approach it very differently to how we use to.

That being said, for those who may still feel a tad on edge when they consider having to 'network', the tips below may be helpful.

Instead of walking around an event armed with business cards you shove at anyone who says "hello" to you, an unplanned opening line, no target individual in sight and the 'oh so desperate to be booked' vibe, these methods and tactics may have you feel more confident. Give them a try! 

⦁ Get clued up! - What is the aim of the event you're attending? Who is the founder/organiser? Who is involved (from talents to sponsors) and in what way could you perhaps be part of the team in the future? What do you have to offer, if anything?

⦁ Have an aim. Why are you there? What do you hope to gain?

⦁ Do you! Be true to who you are (from head to toe, literally) - if you're uncomfortable in what you are wearing it will show and may send the wrong message/signal.

⦁ Social media is your business card/CV (to a degree, sadly; in fact annoyingly) - folks aren't likely to look through your actual credentials unless they like who you 'appear' to be online. Tidy up your profiles, make sure your name is the same, or similar across all.

⦁ What is your conversation starter? Will it be in relation to the event you're attending, or the weather that day? Are you going to introduce yourself then invite the other person to talk about themselves first? Know what you intend to say before you approach.

⦁ REMEMBER: networking means to have a chat; to get to know someone! You can do that anywhere, anytime, with anybody. So, try to start a conversation with the person who serves you the next time you go into a shop. You may find yourself talking to a superstar in the making!

⦁ Attend solo - you don't need to have a friend tag along just so you don't feel 'silly', or alone. It shows confidence when you arrive to an event on your own and that you also want to be approached; you're there to openly meet new people.

⦁ Eye contact is more important today than ever before. People are a lot better at reading one another nowadays and that starts with the locking of eyes during a chat. I mean, don't burn a hole in their pupils but, make sure you show them that you are keen to talk by paying attention with your eyes. Failure to do could have them lose interest and cut the convo short!

⦁ Your phone is your note pad - record all vital information in a draft email and send it to yourself (so, should your phone crash, you don't lose the notes you've made) and immediately (after leaving the event) follow those you connect with on social media so, you can start building a 'relationship' through content interaction.

⦁ However, do not be glued your phone and, if possible, don't keep it in your hand the entire time. You want to appear ready to mingle and will also need your hands free to greet with a handshake, take a drink (or nibbles) that may be on offer etc.

⦁ Make sure you carry chargers for any devices you use regularly that you plan to take with you to whichever events you choose to attend (just in case).

⦁ Document the experience (primarily for yourself) by taking pictures and video footage (yes, for Instagram, snapchat, and the rest, if that's your thing), but, also because, you never know how that content might benefit you going forward (in terms of creative projects you may embark on).

⦁ Be about getting to know the people not just collecting contacts. Folks can smell such an agenda a mile off and tend not to like it even if they know that's the reason for the actual event!

⦁ Finally, do not chase anyone. If you've made an attempt to speak with somebody and they (quite blatantly) show they're not interested, leave them be. There's plenty more people in the room/venue, I'm sure!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

DEAR UNDERCOVER ABUSER,

You were not born with the right to lead anyone into a false sense of security; to manipulate trust only to unleash a myriad of abuse.

You are a vile, insensitive, cruel and ignorant dictator. In fact, your personality traits match that of a narcissist; you operate with a 'what I want, when and how I want it and no other way' attitude. You are desperately controlling and therefore destructive. Interesting that you do to others as you would not want them to do to you, nor your family.

The way you keep and use so many around you is disgusting. Although some would argue that certain individuals are stupid for allowing themselves to be repeatedly abused, the fault is entirely with you! 

You're such a mess and I feel so sorry for you. There's an insecurity, or demon you're not dealing with that has you roll around town all Jekyll and Hyde! You go from being so lovely and ridiculously thoughtful to distant, rude, manic, aggressive and abusive so damn quickly. You become a brutal sexual predator thirsty for what isn't yours to take albeit violently taken as and when you like. Despite the cries, screams, frightened voices begging you to stop, you continue to abuse your power and position to do one of the most horrific and life changing, damaging, scarring things one human can do to another. You then discard your victim ready to prey on the next...

Dear Undercover Abuser, 

You are the worst type of human because, you've successfully managed to have so many people believe you are "nice"; one who is "charming" and "really cares about everyone" when the truth is you only care about yourself, your needs, your wants, your perspective on things and your feelings (those despicable, unjustified urges you allow to drive you). Everything you do is about your own desires regardless of how wrong those impulses may be.

You have now been exposed and can no longer hide who and what you truly are. Despite the bars, you've been given an opportunity to reform. Take it! Get well, if that is even possible. 

Karma is a two way street and, whether or not you are one day rid of your nasty thoughts and soul destroying behaviour, it will pay you a visit. I just hope that when it's done with you it doesn't cause you the same pain, heartache, despair, fear, trust issue's, physical scars, deep emotional damage (and the rest) that you've caused others.

On behalf of an army of survivors,
Not Yours but, Sincerely,
Charley Jai.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a personal story.

....................................................................................................................

To The Survivors (women, men, children, anybody of any age, who has had such an experience) - please be reminded that there is nothing you have done, or said, that can ever justify being violated in any way, shape, or form. You have been wonderfully made. You are beautiful and deserving of great things. Own who you are and then use that ownership to ensure you succeed, both personally and professionally. You can do it! 

Charley x

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

A CANDID INTERVIEW WITH LINDA E

She is a self proclaimed ambassador of enjoyment and is one of the warmest voices on radio. Her love of all things entertainment has seen her interview American actress AJ Johnson, hair stylist Tokyo, music artists Lisa Maffia and Bonkaz, to name a few. Her likeable personality has also meant she is often chosen to host a variety of events including Live Lounge for City Connex, SWAFF (Streetwear and Athleisure Festival) and PITCH for O.N.E Movement! I caught up with my friend and fellow presenter/host, Linda E, for a well overdue catch up!

How did you become a radio presenter? "Ha-ha long story short, friends of mine started a radio station a few years ago and I told them I wanted a show so, they gave me one".

The creative/media industry is bursting with talent. What sets you apart from the rest? "My energy is unlike any I've seen before. I think my blood should be studied by a scientist. I also have a good mix of emotional intelligence, normal intelligence and confidence".

Are you put off from pursuing your creative and artistic goals by the stories of misconduct and abuse within the entertainment industry? "Not at all. Unfortunately abuse and misconduct is part of many industries, so it has never put me off one bit. Not that it's okay but, I believe I can protect myself".

Do you feel social media is a help, or a hindrance to your profession/career? "Definitely a help, although you have to be savvy about the way you use it as well as filtering out the serious from the non serious people who may contact you".

As well as radio, hosting events and handling press coverage for Pulse88 (the home of your current radio show), you also have a regular job at the moment, and you're very active on Instagram too! How do you manage everything?" Honestly, I don't know. God has made me very good at juggling and when something is your passion you will always find a way to make it work!"

You took took part in my 'Layers' photography project (I've included some of the images in this article) and we had so much fun! How important is it to you that your audience see different sides to Linda E? "It's extremely important, I am a human being and a multifaceted one at that which is a good thing. Different parts of me may appeal to different people, so I want to show as many sides of me as possible".

If given the opportunity to ask anyone in the world just ONE question, who would you choose and what would you ask them? "Oh, this is hard because I talk so much, but, I would ask Oprah to give me all of her contacts so I could start my own TV network!!"

How do you intend to spend Christmas this year? "I'm not sure. Last year I was in Nigeria for Christmas, so, it will be hard to top that, lol... This year, I just want to have lots of fun!"

Follow Linda E on Instagram

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

Photography by Charley Jai.

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

8 REASONS WHY THAT JOB ISN'T FOR YOU!

This should not apply to you if you're self-employed because, surely the work you're doing is by choice and therefore you love it. If it does apply, perhaps you ought to reassess the nature of your work, how you're working, and look for ways in which you can improve productivity and progression. Alternatively, you may need to consider a new career path based on your passion (s).

If you tend to moan and complain about your job more than you speak of it fondly chances are things are terrible and not likely to get any better, or you haven't yet found a positive and productive way to jump the hurdles that come with it. That said, it could be that it just isn't the job for you especially if you identify with the following (and other such factors):

1. Monday is more than the sort of struggle we meme about! You feel quite low, irritated, moody, have a headache and these feelings stay with you throughout the working week.

2. You care much less about the company/your job than you did when you first started and, not only are you no longer working to the best of your ability, you find yourself frequently checking the time to see how long you have left before your shift ends.

3. Although you get along with your colleagues, you've lost interest in them socially and actually find yourself easily annoyed by them which is causing tension, conflict and an uncomfortable working environment.

4. You're cutting corners instead of being thorough, you lack attention to detail and always avoid going the extra mile. Your main focus when at work is going home!

5. You've started smoking more, or have taken up smoking so as to have frequent breaks.

6. Eating has either become a comforter, or there's a loss of appetite. Sometimes we eat larger quantities/portions when we don't have much to do, are bored, or just cannot be bothered to get on with our work. If you have found yourself suddenly eating junk food, or more processed foods than usual, your stress levels may be higher than you feel. A change in your appetite might be a sign of something a tad more serious! Could be worth consulting your GP.

7. Outside interests have taken a back seat due to minimal enthusiasm/energy, or you find yourself wanting to participate in activities that are a bit outlandish to compensate for the boredom and frustration you feel when at work.

8. Despite the fact that unemployment is not the way forward, you have considered quitting your job without first securing other prospects.

A job is one aspect of your life so, it should not consume your entire being. If you feel strongly that, even though you may enjoy the work, your job isn't for you, start making plans to go after what it is you'd rather be doing (career wise) and begin taking the relevant steps so you can move on! While it can be daunting to start over, it can also be one of the best times of your life, as you will undoubtedly learn a lot about yourself and will have opportunities to try new things, or maybe gain additional qualifications. So, get planning! Go and pursue the better that you deserve!! You were born to live not merely exist, especially not to serve someone else providing a service you don't even enjoy.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

5 TIPS: HOW TO LIVE BROKE!!

Sometimes, despite every effort to keep our heads above financial water, we run into difficulties and go through stages where we have a lot less than we need to keep the roof over our head and ensure we're eating every day. Sadly, for too many, this is an ongoing problem. If it's about low wages and your employer will not, or is not able to, give you a pay rise, keep looking for a job that pays better (without costing you more to travel to, etc.). If it's about expenses, revise your outgoings and cut/cull anything you can minimise or do without. 

Whenever you can foresee a month where you will have less money, it's a good idea to try to make sure you will still have everything you need (NOT want) because, the situation will be made a whole lot worse if you're unable to cover your costs and have food, real talk!

1. Bills first, always! - This must be your number one priority!! Take a look at your weekly/monthly expenditure list and make sure, no matter what, you have your overheads covered. Having a clear yet detailed spreadsheet can help to keep you on top of things. Revise the list regularly.

2. Reduce monthly travel costs by cancelling any non urgent plans - you can see your friends next month, go on that weekend trip with your partner another time and that treat you wanted to give yourself can wait until whenever!

3. Groceries - purchase the cheapest of the best/healthiest range from quality supermarkets/stores. Asda's own range is decent and Lidl is really good too! 

4. Toiletries - bulk buy cheaper (but good quality) alternatives of any products you're running low on. Especially deodorant, body lotion, etc. Not feeling good due to a lack of funds is one thing, but, you want to make sure your hygiene and appearance is on top form!

5. Increase your income - if you can, do (some) overtime and/or put your other skills to use by offering Freelance services to independent organisations (you may need to register as self employed to do this). Grab a pen and paper right now and write down all of the things you're good at for which you have proven experience. Put together proposals of your services then seek out those who are looking for someone with your skills/expertise and contact them. You've nothing to lose!

BONUS TIP

Take a look at the following apps (active at the time of publishing this post, however, they may not be available on all phones, or in every country) to help boost your bank balance by saving you a lot of money on your shopping! 

• Receipt Hog - scan shopping receipts to earn rewards.
• ClickSnap - cashback, discounts and more at selected retailers.
• CheckoutSmart - tells you where you can find local bargains and exclusive offers.

You are not your circumstances and everything is temporary, so, remain hopeful, stay busy, pray, confide in your trusted loved ones (who may be able to assist you during your tough times) and where necessary seek professional advice and support. You are strong and you're a fighter. There is no setback that you cannot overcome. x

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

HOW TO GET AHEAD FOR CHRISTMAS!

I've always enjoyed buying for others so, I tend to plan and prepare well in advance which allows for a decent amount of time to create/buy presents I can put a lot of thought into. I actually start thinking about Christmas gifts as early as July! I recycle decorations leaving me with only gifts to think about.

Here are some tips on how you can get ahead for Christmas without going broke.

TIP 1
Charity shops/ discount stores - towards the end of September/beginning of October, many of them stock decorations (much cheaper than high street shops), as well as novelty and sample products, like those pictured below, (that haven't been used) which are good for stocking fillers or they can be added to a box of assorted gifts.

These were 49p each from an East London charity shop!

TIP 2
Unwanted items - as long as they haven't been opened/used, you can give them as a beautifully wrapped present. Just make sure you're not giving the gift back to the person who bought it for you! LOL!!

TIP 3
Get creative - If you know a loved one is really into wall art, or home decor, for example, you can make a gift using bits and bobs you have at home, or inexpensive quality materials from your local craft shop. If you're not very good at D.I.Y, have a look on YouTube for 'How To' video's.

Home made wall quotes, total cost £3.99

TIP 4
Treatwell - this app/website is super useful for bargains! Whether it's a back massage you're after, a weekend away, or you want to book an experience for someone, there are many affordable treats and something for everyone, literally! Do the relevant checks before making any purchases.

TIP 5 
Reuse - instead of buying new outfits, especially if you'll only be indoors with your family, why not customise an old festive jumper and hat, or team the jumper you wore last year with a different pair of trousers, skirt, dungarees, dress, or jeans with an alternative make-up look and hairstyle?

Yes, that is my Christmas jumper of choice for 2017!

BONUS TIP
Going forward, if you can, buy a few bits throughout the year so as not to spend all of your November/December wages (in one go) leaving you behind on bills and broke come the New Year!

It isn't necessary to spend thousands, or even hundreds, for the few hours in the one day (or few days) for Christmas. The most important aspect is being with your loved ones, chilling, having fun and munching some yummy food! Be savvy; see how much you can save year after year.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

UNINSPIRED and LOST

There are times when I feel empty. It isn't just about a sudden creative block, or not being able to decide what I should blog about, or cover on the radio, etc. I have moments that can turn into weeks, or months of complete absence of self. Do you get what I mean by that? I literally go through a phase of just not knowing what I'm doing, why, of my actual purpose and where I should be at this point in my life. Sounds a tad dramatic, I know, but, this is (my occasional) reality...

Despite knowing better, I've often believed I'm the onlly person who experiences this - feeling uninspired and lost. However, I recently had a friend reach out, about one of my blog posts actually, who shared with me their own occasional tug of war with themselves, and it reminded me that we are never the only person to face difficulties, nor are we ever alone with anything we go through. There is always somebody else who has been, or is, on a similar path. Not only is there comfort in that, there's reassurance.

It's all about ensuring we have coping mechanisms in place. For me, aside from prayer, meditation and listening to upbeat music, I find a quick distraction to stop myself overthinking. I start reading or go for a walk. I also create visual reminders of how far I've come, I have a vision board, and I also write whatever comes to mind without thinking about the words on the page too much (which is how this particular post came about). These things help me massively!

I think when you feel uninspired and lost, it can be a great place to be in. Sometimes that's when you create your best work, a new idea, or get the answers you've been looking for to take you to the next stage of your life/career.

So, try not to feel down when it seems like everyone else has their ish together and you don't. Remember, no two people are the same and none of us are walking the exact same road (that and the fact that a lot of what you see online has been edited to portray a lifestyle, or present an image, that does not entirely represent the truth). Also, anything worth having is likely to be challenging which is a good thing because, you will appreciate it even more when it finally happens and it will happen if you keep trying. 

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

IS SURGERY RIGHT FOR ME?

DISCLAIMER: This post contains raw, unedited self captured images of my abdomen.

Improving ones health and fitness are intimidating, real talk. When I made the decision to change my lifestyle I was prepared to be challenged both mentally and physically. The truth is, if not for the pesky fibroids (which live in the lower section of my abdomen, causing it to protrude) I doubt I would have been able to maintain the changes I've made. 

Eating better, exercising (up to 1 hour, 6 days a week), meditation and working on my relationship with God (daily) has all contributed to the progress I have made and instead of a hysterectomy, I am considering a myomectomy.

On Friday 15th September 2017 I had an appointment with a new Consultant at my chosen London hospital and she gave me the news I had been wanting to hear since I was first diagnosed!! "You don't need to have your womb removed, we can just remove the fibroids".

I'll be sure to keep a diary (if the surgery goes ahead) and take as many pictures as possible so I can share the journey post op/recovery, god willing, to inform, educate and encourage those with any poor health conditions to seek advice and the necessary/relevant help to remedy the problem.

My anxiety conerning invasive surgery and subsequent recovery is A LOT, however, I am so ready to have these gremlins removed from my stomach and to then, hopefully, regain my former shape and continue living an even healthier lifestyle! Pray for me, or if you don't pray, visualise the operation being a success, please. I'll need all the positivity and words of encouragement that I can get should I choose to have the op!! If there is no post-op update within a year from the publishing of this article (17.09.2017) then it's safe to say I chose not to have the operation but am living well.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

YOU COULD SAVE A LIFE!

When a friend reaches out to you, send back a positive response.

Your friend might ask if they can talk to you in person. If you can't meet with them, give them a call. A Skype call, FaceTime, WhatsApp video call, even, but, make sure you speak with them. Maybe that friend just wants to hear your voice and so, actually, a chat on the phone will suffice. NEVER be 'too busy' to set aside all of 5 minutes for someone you call "a friend". If you really cannot spend time with them, or on a phone call, send a recorded voice message. There's always a way in which you can be there for someone even when at low capacity yourself. To ignore their message, or fob them off, should not be an option!

Be honest with them. If you do not have the mental or emotional strength to support them, let them know. Reassure your FRIEND that you want to be there for them and will make every effort to do so once you feel strong enough. Just DO NOT overlook their need for help in that moment.

Some years ago a beautiful, sweet, genuine, funny and caring friend of mine (who was like a sister to me) committed suicide. She was 16. On the day that she took her life I had promised to call her. I was unable to honour my promise because, at the time I was living at the family home and was not allowed to use the house phone. I had no other means of calling/contacting her (I was on a pay-as-you-go contract that had run out of credit). I went to sleep that night angry and upset knowing that she needed me and I wanted to be there for her. But, never did I imagine that she would take her life that same night around the time she was expecting my call.

I know that her death is not my fault, nor the fault of anyone else. I know that her woes had been with her long before she and I met but, her suicide; her choice to take her own life, affected me in ways I cannot put into words because, for the absolute longest time, I did in fact blame myself. I firmly believed that my call would've saved her.... To this day, although I no longer feel guilty, I still feel so awful about the circumstances. Was she going to say "goodbye"? Would she have told me what was troubling her? Could I have saved her life?

She and I spoke in detail about her troubles. Until that horrid day, I was the readily available shoulders to cry on, gave all the cuddles she wanted and the distractions through the music and banter that she came to rely on. I'll never forget the call I received from her mother to inform me that my dear, darling, friend, whom I had grown so fond of, had hung herself in her bedroom.

Sherelle Black was one of the shiniest humans I'd ever met and those who knew her will know exactly what I mean by that. A generous heart and such a lovely disposition, she made my time on the Theatre summer project where we met the absolute best and I miss her. I will always miss her.

You don't know what anyone is truly dealing with (deep down); how desperate they may feel about certain aspects of their life but, hearing from you, or seeing you, could potentially have a positive impact on them. It might just stop them from making a decision that will haunt you forever! I AM NOT SAYING SHOULD IT BE THE OPPOSITE THAT YOU WILL BE TO BLAME, absolutely not!! I'm saying, wherever possible, MAKE AN EFFORT WITH THE ONES YOU CLAIM TO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT. TRY NOT TO ALLOW ANYTHING OR ANYONE TO STAND IN THE WAY OF YOU SHOWING UP!

There have been times when I've asked/invited certain 'friends' to meet with me and haven't received a reply, or I've been asked, "why, what for?". I don't give them an answer. In fact, I don't contact them again. A true friend, in my opinion, will simply reply with, "sure, when were you thinking?" Or, "I can't meet with you at the moment but, I can give you a call sometime soon. Let me know when is good for you?". No matter what you might be going through yourself, please try not to reject someone who reaches out to you.

We all need someone. Nobody wants to be out here with life's hardships alone. Also, the one in need will not necessarily reach out directly stating their reason for doing so. They may share their work with you, or something funny just to grab your attention and engage you in a conversation in which they can ease their way into opening up about their troubles. Sometimes, there's nothing gravely wrong until your rejection... Sometimes they don't want to burden you, they simply want a moment of escape and peace from what is hurting them.

So, again, when a friend reaches out to you, send back a positive response. Look out for your friends/loved ones the very same way you expect, or would like them, to look out for you. If you don't consider them a friend of yours, tell them. Quit stringing them along! 

BE THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER. IT'S SO IMPORTANT.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

FEELING UNLOVED

To the tweeters, instagrammers and anyone else who often share their tales of not feeling loved, of being let down by so-called loved ones, and who struggle with love in general, please know that love starts at home; with you. The goal should be to fall in-love with all that you are instead of the need for any sort of validation through someone else's love for you. 

You are so much worthier than you realise. Worthy of being appreciated, valued, respected, wanted, needed, desired and loved. However, first and foremost, you've got to work towards feeling that way about yourself!

Love really is for everyone because, it can be found anywhere and has so many levels. From the feelings shared between friends, to family, colleagues, or your partner, love is there for the taking and should be celebrated as often as possible but, the celebration starts with you. Do you truly love yourself? How do you demonstrate that? Think about it.

I love myself - a statement I once never thought I'd be able to say out loud. I love who I was because, she is the reason I love everything about (the better) me today. I have a lot of self respect; I value myself and have no problem ensuring my happiness is at the top of my list every day. If we are not right with ourselves, how can we possibly be right for anyone else? I am so proud of all that I have overcome and achieved, I'm grateful for my life; I appreciate all that I have and I love the way I am always so full of gratitude. I'm not perfect (show me someone who is) however, I'm a good woman with a kind, nurturing, loving heart for which I thank God. 

I serve my heart before I seek to serve another and that's what I believe self love and being loved is all about.

You are loved. Whether you believe that or not, you are, it's a fact! Somebody somewhere loves you so, so much and they wish words never failed them so they could express the depth of their love for you. If you've not yet reached the stage where you are completely in-love with who you are, which will enable you to see the true, unconditional love others have for you, you've just got to somehow keep it in your mind! You. Are. Loved.

When the love is real there will be no questions asked. Each of your senses will feel it!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

BEING A BLACK WOMAN

If easily offended, or the type who thinks you know everything, or you believe all Black/Brown people experience life in the very same way, you should log off from this post right now! This is not the place for arrogance, or ignorance, real talk... Although, if you're 'woke', as the saying goes, you'll fully get this!

HUMBLE BEGINNINGS
Growing up in London was cool for what it was (we were free spirited, our front doors remained open as we played outside, there were no police on the street and we rarely saw people littering and spitting in public) during the 80's and 90's but, I say that having grown up in a quiet part of the East End. I've no first hand experience of what it may have been like to grow up anywhere else.

I was 'introduced' to racism at a very young age. The mini play area behind where I lived (during the mid 80's in Canning Town) was the spot! Most of the children in the area would bring their bikes, 2-wheel roller skates, barbie dolls, Polly Pocket toys and we would generally have a lot of fun until our parents called us in for dinner. One day whilst playing with a pair of white non identical twin sisters, the eldest of the pair asked me if my skin is "black because of the sun" and if I would look like her "when the sun goes away". I remember a physical feeling that didn't feel nice and looking back, I recognise that what she said made me feel uncomfortable and really sad. "No, I'm just brown", I said. We were about 6, or 7 years of age. I rarely went to the play area after that, opting instead to play on the balcony of my then home. I never told anyone, not sure why. This is actually the first time I've shared this...

IGNORANT YOUTH
You see, the thing with children of the 80's (in the area where I grew up) is that we were innocent. Perhaps too innocent. Nothing was easily accessible, crime wasn't close to home (or if it was we never knew about it). We played with the neighbours' children inside their home with our parents thinking nothing of it, school was formal and teachers used books and the chalk board to educate us. We sat together with our families during mealtimes, we were occupied with arts and crafts and encouraged to read for the purpose of knowledge as well as fun. So, it's possible that very innocence is what drove the elder twin to share her curiosity with me about something she saw was different to herself, which she had yet to learn about; a case of innocent ignorance?

NO LIMITS
Today, there is so much information that is readily available and within reach for anyone, anywhere, at any time to access and divulge! Sometimes, that can be a great thing. Other times, not so much.

Racism has become a regular thing; a casual event. I've now experienced it countless times (both privately and publicly) and those within earshot haven't batted an eyelid (due to fear, maybe, or perhaps blatant nonchalance). However, the absolute worst is when it comes directly from those who are supposedly 'my own'...

BLACK ON BLACK/BROWN ON BROWN
I'm done with pretending racism on the whole doesn't exist on the scale that it does and that it doesn't happen within same race groups. The amount of times a Black/Brown man has referenced my "light skin" as being "not really Black", or "not Black enough". Usually born from having their advances rejected, (SOME) Black/Brown men would ask if I'm "too busy ******* a white man to notice" them; am I "a honky lover"? I, mean, really? What flipping century are we living in? Why do these things still happen? Why?!?

(SOME) Black/Brown women can be equally horrendous with their same race racism too. "She thinks she's too nice because, she's light skinned". "Your eyes are too light. You ain't no Black girl". "Listen to the way she speaks, though. She ain't really Black. Don't know what she is" - those are a few of the more tame comments I can share. 

"I DON'T WANT TO BE BROWN ANYMORE"
There was a time when I strongly felt that I did not want to be Black; a Brown skinned female referred to as "Black", I didn't want to be Black or Brown anything. I didn't (and don't) want to feel pressure from 'my people' to conform to a label they themselves didn't seem to understand nor be committed to. I don't want to 'get behind' anything based on the colour of my skin if it actually goes against my morals and beliefs. I refuse to get involved with something that doesn't feel entirely legit simply because, you and I share the same skin tone!

Black History Month is a brilliant example of how disillusioned (SOME) Black and Brown people are. Yes, let's all elevate one another by selling to each other at the highest possible prices (then shade, side eye, or talk bad about anyone who doesn't buy anything) instead of just coming together for a hearty celebration of the achievements of Black and Brown people from centuries ago until this very day. Choopse! Sometimes it is my own race that has made me feel embarrassed to walk in the colour of my skin, or inadequate; unqualified for 'the role' as though I have no right to be what I am based on a combination of both my heritage and upbringing. 

DEFEND and PROTECT
Authenticity, positivity, hope and prayer. Real talk! Rather than stoop to the level of an individual who has no idea why they have taken the position 'against you' that they have, I choose to accept whatever their views and opinions may be for exactly what they - a reflection of all that is wrong with them and everything that is right with me.

Now, as a grown, super independent, courageous, good, kind, loving woman, I couldn't love my complexion any more! I, mean, what's not to love about being tanned all year round? LOL!!!! That said, before my skin colour, I am a woman and before being female, I am a human-being. I just happen to be Brown skinned and the colour of my skin tells you nothing about the person I am. My shade is simply an identifier. It doesn't have any labels or descriptions attached.

We're all broken, damaged, searching, needing, struggling, wanting, striving, hurting and then some. We each remain students of life as we know it and the best way, I think, to get the most out of the free education that life offers us is to remove the blinkers and walk with both an open mind and an open heart. Free yourself from the chains of ignorance. Life is way too short to walk around blind if you have the ability to see. Do not take your sight for granted. 

I do, honestly, wish we could / would all get along. The world would be a much more awesome place to live and life itself would be golden which is what we all want. Isn't it?

God bless.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

MEMORY LANE: NOSTALGIA

Every so often I like to look through old pictures to remind myself of the amazing experiences I've had. A little while ago I found several gems and reminiscing was so much fun! I was firmly reminded that life isn't as bad as we sometimes feel it is when we go through difficult times. So, here's a trip down (my) memory lane to give you a happy boost. Enjoy! 

Primary School: I have such fond memories of skipping around the playground giggling, egg and spoon races on sports days, singing my heart out during the school assembly's, or on the forbidden (shh) veranda and classroom lessons where I was taught how to draw an elephant (I still remember how) by one of my favourite teachers, whose name was Mrs Newman.

Another key memory that came to mind was, when I had an accident in the playground, aged 9 and needed to be rushed to hospital; how caring the teachers were who looked after me until the ambulance arrived. Coincidentally, I was given 9 stitches. I still have the scar on my forehead.

Carefree childhood: mostly outdoors, playing games and attending birthday parties which were always about the goodie bags, ha-ha!! That's all we looked for the

moment we arrived. After that, it was all about the pass the parcel game because, well, more treats and toys were to be had! I sometimes miss those days when children were just children...

The Devil in Drag: my first professional stage production in 1997, I think, as part of the Theatre Royal; Stratford East Youth Theatre. This was one of the press shots and I (honestly) had the world of anxiety being in front of a camera. Despite always wanting to take pictures of others, I felt very uncomfortable during the shoot by Johnny Munday who was super patient with me as I tried to deal with my anxiety. The production, however, was a huge success and the world of fun! How different do I look in that photo, by the way? Good grief!

To date, The Devil in Drag remains my favourite role and project that I worked on as an actress - Judge Alfonso De Tristano was a no nonsense man (yes, I played a man, a very powerful one) who took his job of upholding the law very seriously! Lol!!

I have a photo of me as the Judge wearing a court room wig, robe and snake skin beard (don't ask) but, I couldn't find it to include in this post. It's actually hilarious!

Caribbean settings: 

Age 16 I was told that the family will be travelling to Saint Lucia (it would be my first time going) for my aunts wedding and we were to stay there for six weeks..... "SIX, WHO???!?". Initially I was super annoyed (my anxiety was through the roof on the long flight, dealing with the heat once we landed, zero familiarity, being made to visit places I found "dry", etc.), but, I also have a few lovely and funny memories that make me smile - beach walks, Sulphur Springs, meeting family I didn't know and gaining a friend who is now like family to me and whom I speak to at least once a week. I actually think the family should all go on holiday together again... Yeah, right! 

Pictured: my aunt in her wedding dress (stunning), me (tall, broad and miserbale - lol), my sister Lydia beside me (petite and cute) and our beautiful cousin Emma up front.

Feeling myself, differently: I am forever wanting to chop off my Afro to rock a shorter style and I did just that many moons ago (I genuinely cannot recall when) and I loved it way too much!! It felt so good to not have braids and to rock short, fairly easy to manage, hair. 

My face was slimmer back then too, and the hairstyle I had really suited me. Not sure I could get away with it now, but, I do intend to give it a try again or go bald one day, eek! 

Old School: This photo is from a rave I attended. It was a 90's themed birthday, in London, and I had the absolute time of my life! It was the best environment, loads of fancy dress fun and I'm pretty sure I didn't leave the dance floor for longer than 5 minutes!! Everyone there was having a ball and it was great to be at a party, in a club, where the vibes were super sweet throughout the night! I no longer do raves because, there tends to be too much drama. However, if they were all like this particular celebration I'd be the first one to rock up!! It was a fab time; we were smiles all night. Oh, by the way, I went as Janet Jackson and I did look (a bit) like her before I posed for this photo all sweaty Betty. LOL!

Pictured: actor Michael Salami and actress Holli Dee.

Radio vibes: I, mean, once upon a time some of us had to broadcast from a garage and now we have evolved to purpose built spaces, or studios, fully kitted out with the necessary gadgets needed to produce quality content for dedicated listeners / supporters. This picture (of Déja Vu FM, 2013) means so much more to me than I know how to put into words. If I had to go back to that very spot and start all over again, I would. 

Brilliant memories were made and a lot of laughter was had! I'm proud of where I started and super chuffed with all I've achieved. It's been lovely to present Charley Time on Westside Radio (89.6FM) Thursday 27th July 2017, 7pm (GMT)! The climb is real. Got to be fully about all of it to be in with a chance of succeeding with it, right?

On screen: I don't know which one I miss more, being on the radio, or creating The Real Talk TV Series UK for *YouTube. 

Again, I wasn't about having my face on camera but, I absolutely loved all the laughs, meeting new people, developing the project and growing as a presenter. Valuable, hands-on experience that I massively appreciate. The show is still available to watch so, *head on over once you've read this post and leave comments with your thoughts - should I bring the show back?

Pictured: Guest Darren Raymond, Artistic Director (Intermission Youth Theatre) and, behind the camera, Emma Obichukwu. 

Journalist? The challenge of creating regular content for Amor Magazine UK was overwhelming at times, yet it pushed me as a writer which has been reflected in my blog. I was blessed with a handful of opportunities and enjoyed all of them. Seeing my articles in print and receiving messages from readers was great! The Editor-in-Chief was known for offering aspiring writers a platform to both showcase and develop their skills!

One of the most memorable times was interviewing Shaggy at a plush hotel in West London and, not entirely for the right reasons (ahem), the dude had me in stitches!! It's an experience I'll never forget, ha-ha.

Cardiff: 3 years ago I went and stayed there for a weekend and it had me feel so relaxed; completely zen and the people were lovely. I literally felt at peace, physically, mentally and emotionally. 

I'd like to visit again to see if it still has that same vibe. It truly was bliss. Although my partner at the time was there for work, I was able to enjoy the city which was such a blessing. 

There was quite a bit to see / do. A market with uniquely made products for sale, a festival, stunning buildings, seasonal afternoon tea, galleries, etc. It was definitely the type of weekend you just don't want to end. 

Gizmo: When it comes to pets, it was all about cats for me. As a child, my animal obsession was kittens, dolphins and rabbits. We has 2 rabbits growing up but, we didn't realise one was female! They had one too many babies which was chaos albeit fun too. Some time after they all sadly died, we found a stray kitten (it was super tiny). Unfortunately we couldn't keep him and I'm sure I shed a tear or ten! I promised myself that, "when I'm grown up, I'll have a kitten". I wish I had known that when I grew up I'd also have a niece who would become the first person to whom I struggle to say "no". 

She met my Gizmo (this was years ago now) and the 2 instantly became chums so, (sigh) I allowed her to keep him only for him to be stolen a little while after settling into his new home. Someone nabbed him whilst he was outside. We all felt awful, seriously, and to this day I miss him... He was a cute, playful, affectionate kitten. 

One of my greatest achievements is Pass the Comb. In 2012, alongside a team, I created and produced a short film born from an initiative of mine named Change the Stereo. The cast were a joy to work with and I was surprised that a few of them were previously unknown to me! The lessons learned were incredible and I carry them with me to this day. Pass the Comb has a very special place in my heart. It was a teeny, tiny seed that blossomed onto the Community TV Channel (now known as together tv) and sparked the beautiful friendship I have with one my co-producers, Duval, from Zone 180.  

That's it! End of memory lane. Did you have fun? Lol...

At some point, we all go through a type of hardship, or difficulties, and such challenges often make us forget the wonderful aspects of our lives for which we should remain grateful and be uplifted by. 

No matter what you're faced with, how you choose to tackle it will always be the difference between whether the situation quickly and positively improves or gets worse. To someone you are everything! Maybe you should take a trip down your own memory lane to remind yourself of that fact and, if nothing else, let that be your positive motivation force.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.