BLACK + INTELLIGENCE = PROBLEM

Disclaimer: this is one Black/Brown person's reality and that Brown person is me. This may, or may not be, the experience of other Black/Brown people. The below might not be a true depiction of the experiences had by every Black/Brown individual worldwide, however, it is a true account of MY experiences (from as early as 1997). Some of these situations have been isolated, others have been shared with me, or I have witnessed such oppression of a fellow Black/Brown person. Mostly in a work environment where the majority have been white and the minority Black/Brown. That said, I am aware that some of the statements are applicable to various types of people and I am also greatly aware that not every white person (or those non-Black/Brown) has a deeply ingrained hatred for those who are Black/Brown.

Speak and be ill-judged.

Stay silent and be ill-judged.

Maintain your privacy and be thought of as rude.

Give up your privacy and be thought of as arrogant.

Show passion (or just a flicker of emotion) and be labelled 'aggressive'.

Be physically expressive, with hand gestures etc., when excitedly disclosing something and be labelled 'aggressive'. Breathe or, better still, just exist, and be labelled 'aggressive'.

You are invisible unless, of course, your 'services' are required.

If they stare, know that they are simply fascinated which, of course, is a compliment.
If they catch you staring, know that you might be 'disciplined' because your stare is 'threatening'.

Accept jibes as banter.

Accept passive aggression as affection. 

Accept lies being told about you as the liars very 'valid perception' of you.

Accept most, for no reason that can be justified, will be against you as per their norm.

Accept you'll always be the one in the wrong and this is an 'opportunity' for you to learn.

Accept that, unless you have written confirmation, it wasn't said (only when what was said could work in your favour, of course).

Don't smile (allowing your face to fall as it naturally does) and be thought of as cold.
Force a smile (because nobody's face wears a natural permanent smile) and be thought of as 'intense'.

You will be mocked for your confidence.
You will have your strengths used against you.
You will have your morals and beliefs patronized.
You will be made to feel as though your skills and capabilities are not enough.

Belittled much?

The desire is to have you fear them and love them at the same time; to respect them whilst taking their lack of respect for you with a pinch of "no worries".

Be a performing monkey.

100% well? Perform.
Visibly sick? Perform.

Having a good day? Perform.
Having a stressful day? Perform.

You are their puppet and you will be a performing monkey on-demand.

Anything that looks like they're being caring and considerate is, in fact, a calculated move towards their win and your downfall. Your brilliance is not welcome where they, themselves, are trying to excel. Actually, let's be real, it isn't welcomed at all...

Share an opinion and offend their entire race.

Sit on your opinions and offend your community.

Switch your feelings off and be labelled a 'problem'.
Be your authentic self and be told: "you're too much".
Keep yourself to yourself and be thought of as a 'strange character'.

Where the hell is the win?!?

Neglect work to stand with the gossips (pretending to be about their noise) just so you're not regarded as one who thinks they're 'too nice' to mingle with such people and be called "difficult" by your superiors. Choose to focus on work (because you genuinely want to progress) instead of joining the gossip crew and they will call you "over confident" (as though that's a bad thing when displayed without an ounce of arrogance or ignorance).

You are the Black or Brown Elephant in the room. They invite you in based on tokenism and make it abundantly clear that, not only do they not really want you there, when it suits them, they can and will discard you usually over a fabricated allegation that everybody else will believe because Black/Brown is the colour of guilt.

Assert yourself and be called "a bully".

Don't assert yourself and be called "a bully".
If you are one who is direct and be labelled "a bully".

Be humble but also cautious and be labelled a "bully".

FYI: the word bully means - a person who habitually seeks to harm those they see as vulnerable. 

Read that FYI again!

You are Black/Brown so, by default, you are a hostile person. This is something you cannot dispute whether there is just one, or a few (irrespective of any supporting evidence), who have openly shared that this is their feeling about you (FEELING not proven truth). This is despite them having no problem being in your company time and time again complete with fake smiles, fake conversation, fake laughter, fake warmth, fake everything because their so-called perception of you (and as when they decide to change it) replaces all reality.

You do not have options.
You do not have permission to choose between "yes" and "no".
You do what they want you to do as and when they want you to do it.
You are not entitled to feel, according to that which comes naturally, unless instructed to and, even then, those feelings are on loan!

Expect to be tested daily.

Expect to be disrespected.

Expect to have your character challenged.

Expect to have your personality questioned.

Expect to have the person you are tarnished, stained and ripped to shreds.
Expect to have your buttons pushed in a bid to have you fit the 'angry Black/Brown person' stereotype only to then have your organic reaction to being goaded used against you!

Do not expect to be understood by them. Ever.

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I don't need you to agree nor disagree. Just try to understand. Being a Black/Brown person is an unnecessary struggle, every day! YES, freedom is real but, so is (modern-day) slavery, racism, racial profiling, persecution, race-related micromanagement (and the rest) in a bid to control and intimidate, etc. Why? I'm sick of it; I am SO sick of being ill targeted simply because I am a CONFIDENT and COMPETENT BROWN SKIN WOMAN! 

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

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- taken from the very well written book titled Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge - "We've listened to our socially conservative parents and educated ourselves up to our eyeballs. We've kept our gripes to ourselves and changed our appearance, names, accents and dress in order to fit the status quo. We have bitten our tongues, exercised safe judgement and tiptoed around white feelings in an effort to not rock the boat. We've been tolerant up to the point of not even mentioning race, lest we're accused of playing the race card".

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

6 THINGS TO DO BEFORE THE YEAR ENDS!

Okay, so, you may have your final to-do list for this year, however, I thought I'd give you some ideas in case you don't...

1. Extend a shiny olive branch [make peace].

I guarantee there is at least one person whom you're missing and would really like to reconcile with. Chances are the feeling is mutual or, if nothing else, by reaching out to them, the positive is that you can stop second-guessing the situation.

2. Get your home in order [declutter, clean and tidy].

I'm all about having my personal space be one that is comfortable, relaxing, calm and spacious. This means, once every 3 - 6 months I minimalise. Sometimes I blitz my entire home and on the odd occasion I'll focus on one area such as the bookshelf [my fave!] 

3. Sign up to a social club, a workshop related to a hobby, or join a fitness class.

While I, myself, have been done with the gym for a while now, I strongly recommend taking up a regular activity that encourages positive vibes; gives you an opportunity to meet new people and will also support your self-development. This is something that can be done virtually if preferred - do some research.

4. Have an entire day to yourself.

Oh, my actual life! This right here is an absolute must for the good of one's overall well-being!! I cannot stress enough just how important it is to have some time out; to disconnect! If you've been a reader of this blog for some time, you'll be familiar with my fave day of the week where I switch off from everything and everyone to indulge in my Home Spa Experience! Make it a priority to rest and recharge!

5. Go hard for that promotion, pay rise, or new career you've been thinking about.

There is everything right with making it known just how valuable you are to your employer! Have a one-to-one chat that is informal while also being clear about your aspirations, your worth and exactly what you want in the immediate future. Or, if you seek a change, put yourself out there by updating your CV [or portfolio] and walking through the doors of prospective employers/opportunities with confidence. You've got this! Go get that level-up!!

6. Get together with a loved one (s), and set some dates to meet in the New Year too!

I'm defo that person who tends to think ahead and attempts to make future plans with those I care about and want to be in the company of. Sadly, I'm often let down [most are too busy doing whatever they choose to do with their 24 hours each day] but, I don't give up because, life is too short for the one thing we are each guaranteed to regret: saying "no" to somebody when we could have said, "yes", especially once that person is gone. Morbid and deep but true! 

Having successfully ticked my boxes this year, I decided to set some additional goals and I encourage you to do the same, or to come up with new strategies to achieve anything you feel you've missed out on!

Q. What is the barrier to achieving your goals?

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

MY VALENTINE

Valentine's Day - the celebration of love and affection.

Look, here's the thing: I think the best expression of love is one that isn't declared on the 14th of February! Lol. Seriously though, in the conventional sense, I am still very anti this so-called international 'holiday'; a day set aside for EVERYONE, everywhere in the world to tell, or show somebody, how much they love them by giving them red themed gifts, booking an expensive restaurant, or giving chocolates, planning a 'romantic' weekend away, etc., etc. Ugh!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

If you're about the hoo-ha of what Valentine's Day typically represents, good for you, knock yourself out and enjoy! If not, especially if you are in the Singles Club, then how about a bit of SELF love?

I've learned to love myself entirely [don't go thinking frisky thoughts, let's keep it clean], whereby I fully respect who I am, I appreciate my life experiences to date, am happy with all that I have achieved and am proud of the woman I have become. I'm excited about my prospects and believe that the work I put in will eventually pay off. I feel good within and also like what I see in the mirror [which wasn't always the case]. So, if I was about Valentine's Day [whether happily partnered or not] I'd celebrate self love. Maybe you should do the same. I see no shame in that at all. In fact, I admire those who practise self appreciation. I mean, why not?

For those delightfully coupled [or, who take part in Galantines, or whatever other 'something-tines' there is] and are all about Valentine's Day, but have yet to organise some romance, check out Prezzy Box here for gift ideas!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

To all my single peeps, go spoil your solo self and don't necessarily wait until the Valentine's weekend to do so! Perhaps have a change of scenery and get involved with an activity. Or, attend an event for singletons [you could end up meeting your life partner]. Should you not want to step outside on the 'day of love', simply chill at home and indulge in some pampering, a hearty meal and a strong cuppa [making sure you avoid all social media, for obvious reasons!] Just spend some time appreciating yourself, you are SO deserving of that! x

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

BEAT THE NEW YEAR BLUES

The first couple of months of a new year can have you feeling a bit "meh" which can be difficult to shake.

You might remember that I have a Gratitude Jar which I go through at the end of each year. I fill it daily with everything I am thankful for, or that makes me happy so, it is never empty. That way, it's a go-to when I need a positivity boost.

I think it is so important to keep around you the things [and people] who are good for you. Doing so is likely to have you feel good more often than not.

From your favourite book, a piece of music that always puts you in a great mood, an aroma that keeps you relaxed, a cherished one who makes you laugh, carrying a sketch book [if that's your thing], to the one place where you can 'breathe', where possible, if you keep them within reach, such things can do absolute wonders for your overall well-being.

You're an imperfect human; you won't be happy every single second of each day, but, you can put certain things in place to help bring you back to a positive state of mind whenever you start to feel down about your circumstances, or certain things going on around you.

I often carry a book to read [one that is inspiring, or motivational]. I also keep with me a notebook and pen so I can write down the opposite of my thoughts when they become a tad gloomy, or I use the note app on my phone. This works really well for me. 

Find what works for you. Have next year be one that you remember for [more of] the right reasons. 

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.