CREATE YOUR OWN HOME SPA EXPERIENCE

Quite a number of people have asked me about this based on some of my Instagram stories so, I thought I’d share with you what I do to indulge in a bit of rest and relaxation! Hope you find this useful… 

My home Spa bath is like a sauna and steam which helps [me] with body aches and pains! It also does wonders for my skin which I just LOVE! Prep the day/night before if you can.

• Make sure you give your bathroom, especially the tub, a thorough clean.
• Set aside any calming oils and your favourite scented shower/bath wash.
• Decide what music you’ll have play in the background [soothing riddims].
• Lay out your essential body lotions and clothes.
• Making sure the bathroom windows are shut, run your bath [add the oils, epsom salts, etc].
• Have a light, healthy snack and be sure to take a bottle of water into the bathroom with you.
• Once run, put your music on and set your phone to silent [leaving it in another room perhaps].
• Dim the lights, if possible, or turn them off and lay out mini candles to help you relax.
• Add to the bath a soothing oil, some bubbles and a bath bomb for extra moisture and dreamy vibes!
• Ensuring the temperature is right for you, sink in and indulge in steamy, fragrant relaxation!

TIP: If you struggle [for whatever reason] to quiet your mind, instead of music, read a motivational book whilst the bath is running and continue with it once you’re in the bath. Use a bath pillow for extra comfort!

OTHER WAYS TO EASE YOUR MIND and BODY

Meditate with the aim to pause your thoughts and free your mind; to be completely still and peaceful for 10 – 20 minutes. I don’t believe there’s a one-size-fits-all where meditation is concerned so, how you mediate and for how long is entirely up to you! Drinking some water beforehand helps and you ought to be in comfy clothing, in a relaxing and quiet environment that enables you to switch off. Doing this actually gives me a lot of energy and has me feel super positive afterwards. The challenge with meditating is making sure you do not allow your mind to wander onto things, people, or subjects that are negative, or upsetting.

Try to read a fun or insightful book regularly. I love reading! Even more so if the book makes me laugh, is positive or educational in some way – Oprah’s What I Know For Sure is an excellent read. For me, it works best to take my book to bed with me and read a few chapters before I snooze. Since doing this I either have really amazing dreams, or I don’t dream at all. Either way, insomnia is not such a problem anymore because my head is at peace, if you will, before I go to bed! 

It’s all about feel-good music! As a child, I remember waking up to some country and western, or soul, rhythm and blues, or reggae playing. Best vibes and so much fun. I've continued this into my adulthood. I often, if not always, have music playing which keeps my mood fairly mellow.

There you have it! Simple but, super effective ways to get and keep your mind [and body] right day to day!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

BECOMING A MUM

9 months in my tummy, potentially the world of cravings, more aches and pains on top of those I already live with on a daily basis, nausea, possible frequent sickness, weight gain, stretch marks, fatigue, heightened emotions and the rest! See all of that I can handle.... The fact that, although we live in such a beautiful world, there are far too many horrid individuals living among us isn't something I can handle.

Not that I feel a need to justify my decisions but, I am so over being asked if I'm married and have any children, or when I'll settle down and start a family, followed by looks of utter disgust and disappointment when I reply with, "I have no intention of having a family of my own, thanks". Since when did it become compulsory? I've no interest in doing such things. In all honesty, the idea of getting married is absolutely fine although it would need to be incredibly low-key and inexpensive! 

Having kids of my own? Not so much. No way! I was aged 14 when I had a realisation that I do not want children of my own. 

Life provides no guarantee that you, or your loved ones, will always be safe and well. We can never know for sure if, when, or how we can protect those we love from experiencing awful things in their lives so, I've chosen not to place that burden or worry on myself any further by having children. The world is filled with far too much darkness for me to bring another human being into it who will, as a result of that darkness, have to go through way too many murky times. In addition to that, I just do not ever get that broody feeling when I'm around babies. I'm the one who will "coo", maybe hold them for a while and then smile real wide as I hand them back.

My mind is and has been made up for many, many years and while I frigging adore children so much, the role of auntie, occasional babysitter, youth worker etc., are more than enough for me. I get to contribute towards the positive and productive growth of our young people without becoming too emotionally involved or attached, and minus any long-term commitment to them that will profoundly impact my life indefinitely!

I think it is so wrong to try and make a woman [or man for that matter] feel as though they exist only for the purpose of reproduction and/or to imply that women above a certain age who are without a husband and children have less of a place in society, or within a 'social' circle. My position in this world has nothing to do with whether or not I have, or will have, a baby and everything to do with what I choose to contribute towards the greater good of the world.

Although I am really pleased for those who make the choice to do so, I do not want to bring babies into this world nor do I want the responsibility of raising children and that's that! The End.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

RELATIONSHIP GOALS

This is likely to be the shortest article in my blogging history!

The picture collage below is a visual summary of what too many people nowadays [mostly young girls/women it seems] appear to perceive as being the "ultimate relationship goal", if social media is anything to go by and, as we all know, to some degree it is!

In reality, irrespective of the pursued 'relationship goal' with another person, the focus should first and foremost be on the relationship you have with yourself and God [if you're a believer]. Maybe stop for a minute or 10 to consider how right you have things with who you are at the moment. Do you think you'd be looking elsewhere [no doubt to complete, or fill a void you believe can only be done by having a certain type of 'relationship' with someone else], if the relationship you have with yourself was on point!? 

Perhaps it might be a good idea to quit searching outside of yourself for what it is you feel you're lacking, or missing, and prioritise working on what is within. Once you get your ish together with who you are, you are likely to be blessed with your match [not some photo ideal] and your desired 'relationship goals' might then be achieved. I mean, I'm no expert but, I reckon pursuing what others have is never a good idea/plan and if not yet mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually right with yourself [think about that for a moment], even more so, you cannot possibly be ready for a partnership.

All of the above stated, why anyone ever believes anything they 'see' in the [mostly posed for] images shared online I will never know.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

TOP TIPS: TALENT

DISCLAIMER: 

I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, an expert in any field [I don't actually believe in 'experts']. The list below is born from experience, research and the fact that, like most, I am a grafter who has yet to reach her full potential.

KNOW YOURSELF
If you have no idea who you are, why you are who you are, what you're about and why you are about a particular thing, or a number of things, how can you start to plan, or take the necessary steps to achieve your goals? Have a conversation with yourself; spend quality time alone and pick yourself apart to find out exactly who you are and what your intentions are for the future. Start by asking yourself this question: what do I like about myself?

UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE
Once you know yourself, getting ahead in any capacity is all about having a clear understanding of the person you currently are and who you intend to be. Having perspective and being honest about your faults, flaws etc is a definite must for that all important go-forward. From you're sure about why you live, think and behave the way you do {etc} you can then start to reflect on whether or not the choices you have made, or are currently making, are indeed the right ones {for you}.

BE CERTAIN ABOUT WHAT IT IS YOU WANT TO DO AND WHY
If your choices are loosely based on a fragmented idea of your goals you might find that, instead of achieving, you're always pursuing and this is likely to have you feel discouraged, or perhaps quit on your ambitions altogether. Clarity is the next step after you understand who you are and why you are the way you are. Take pen to paper and list your interests, likes, dislikes, struggles, past achievements, the type of people you have in your life, feelings about yourself; your circumstances, the future you hope to have and then pick out all of the positives. You should begin to realise, if you haven't already, what you really want for your life and the reason {s} why.

SOAK UP YOUR CHOSEN PATH - WARTS AND ALL!
Research applies to absolutely everything, or so I believe, real talk... Knowledge and experience often go hand in hand however, if you gain knowledge first you'll leave yourself open to more opportunities to experience things more likely to bring you down the path you've chosen for yourself. Learn about and absorb every aspect of your chosen industry, career, or job etc and embrace all of it. Certain areas will never change and you'll have to accept that. Let your focus always be the end goal so that you can brush off any nonsense you're faced with along the journey, like water off of a ducks back. 

BREAKDOWN ALL REQUIREMENTS AND SEE WHERE YOU FIT
Be realistic about your life as it is right now. Be honest about your expertise, where you need to improve and what it is you have to offer. Sometimes we might think that running in full steam ahead will show a willingness that is off the chart and will therefore be encouraged however, if such determination isn't, or cannot be backed up with the abilities required, it could be a wrap before it has even begun and you could find yourself back to square zero! {See what I did there? Lol}. Go where you fit, if it appeals, as long as it is line with what you want to do and be patient as you leave yourself open to learning so as to acquire what it will take to secure the role / opportunity you desire long term.

ASSESS YOUR PERSONALITY, SKILLS AND CAPABILITIES

Honestly, are you the type of person whom you would employ? Have a long, deep, truthful think about this one. What annoys you? Are you easily led, or distracted? How does your upset manifest itself? Are you working towards a personal change? What characteristics do you display on a bad day in comparison to when you're having a good day? How often are you able to keep yourself in check irrespective of what may be happening around you? Think about all of this and give yourself a real evaluation. How ready are you for the things you want?

DECIDE WHAT YOU ARE WILLING TO LOSE
A lack of sleep, a non existent social life, very few holidays, no friends you feel you have a bond with, being single, a less than satisfactory lifestyle {health, family, fitness etc}... Not every job, or career will take something from you however, that being said, you do need to be sure of what you would be willing to sacrifice at the 'drop of a hat' if that's what your dream opportunity required of you! Meditate on this to {mentally, spiritually and emotionally} prepare yourself for any potential challenges that may come your way...

GET THE APPROPRIATE EXPERIENCE
You will never be too experienced in any field to turn your nose up at starting over, or indeed starting from the bottom. We are blessed with a never ending cycle of education in more ways than one and what better way to both refresh current skills as well as develop new ones than by taking on the relevant work experience? I volunteer whenever I can to gain new skills, share those I have and to boost my credentials. It is always beneficial.

CREATE A RELEVANT PORTFOLIO
One size will never fit everyone. Fact! We're all different shapes, sizes and tones with different passions and talents so, our portfolio's should reflect that 1000%! Nothing about what you include should be generic. Tailor your portfolio to the prospective opportunity you are pursuing and take your time on it. Never be in a rush to have something ready before the rest because, while you're busy doing so, there will always be that one person who planned and prepared carefully - they did their research, they found themselves, decided what they're about and what they want then put that together in a beautifully laid out portfolio which became a winner.

WELCOME KNOCK BACKS
Would you believe me if I told you that you have never failed at anything in your life? I didn't think so... Well, you haven't. You may have ignored a lesson but, you have not failed once. The only time you could ever fail is if you choose to quit and you're not going to do that because, we both know you cannot give up on something you spend 99.9% of your time hoping and praying for. Every knock back is a push to do and be better. You've got this and God has got you!

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

ANTI BLACK AND BROWN TALENT

Unless you quite literally live underneath a rock and have no access to any [social] media, you’ll be aware of the row concerning the list of exclusively white Oscars nominees. Naturally, or not so much depending on your perspective on the matter, quite a number of [Black and Brown] people, both high profile and otherwise, are VEX!

Take a moment to ponder these words said by Eddie Murphy in 1989 at the 60^th Academy Awards! “They haven’t recognised Black people in motion pictures. It’s about every 20 years we get one… I just feel that we have to be recognised as a people”.

Notably, following Sidney Poitier’s Oscars award [Best Actor] for his performance in Lilies of the Field, just 4 Black/Brown actors have won in the top categories. A mere 5 Black/Brown actors in over 80 years of The Academy Awards history!

Back to the here are now, Spike Lee [who was awarded an honorary Oscars, Governors Award, 2015] had this to say, “….any protest should instead be directed towards increasing the number of minority ethnic people working in the film industry.” He went on to say, “….the work is what’s important because, that’s what’s going to stand for years not an award.”

George Clooney said, “I think African Americans have a real fair point, that the industry isn’t representing them well enough….. The Oscars are moving backwards on diversity”.

Jada Pinkett-Smith shared her views [in the video below] calling for a boycott.

Janet Hubert responded to Jada [via her Facebook page] with some very valid points! The video was later removed without any mention of why.

In the meantime, Stacey Dash took the argument to another level by saying, “Either we want to have segregation or integration, and if we don’t want segregation, then we need to get rid of the BET Awards and the Image Awards where you’re only awarded if you’re Black. If it was the other way around we’d be up in arms. It’s a double standard”.

Here's the thing, I am definitely with Jada Pinkett-Smith [minus the boycott stance] on the basis that there are so many actors of various origins who are super deserving of Oscars recognition who are too often overlooked and, dare I say, massively so in comparison to a number of those who continue to receive such status year in, year out. However, I find it interesting that the debate surrounding the Oscars has seen some Black and Brown folks lock horns instead of lock a united front. I'm also concerned about nobody having included other categories [of people/groups] who are affected. It is not only Black and Brown people who remain somewhat at the bottom of the diversity chain!

Regarding the Oscars row, perhaps it’s a matter of taking a public stand without trying to instigate a movement that is more likely to have a long-term, negative impact on the very group wanting a positive change [for themselves]. If a particular group choose not to attend certain events out of protest they may only do themselves a further disservice. You can still be involved with such things while you move forward with a quest to bring about a positive, long-term change that is beneficial for all. Being absent; not being seen, or choosing to turn your back on a potential platform isn’t likely to do anyone any good. Be present and active among your peers/colleagues etc., as part of your movement, with grace and passion. You’re not bitter, right? You’re frustrated and there’s a huge difference.

Cheryl Boone Isaacs, President of the Academy, admitted to being “heartbroken” over all-white nominations [for a second year] and has stated that the organisation will review its “membership recruitment”. She added, “It’s time for big changes. In the coming days and weeks we will conduct a review to bring about much-needed diversity”.

Whichever way you choose to look at the matter, one thing's for sure, it isn't right!

Again, the issue of diversity is not one strictly applicable to the award season, as echoed by Whoopi Goldberg [while speaking on U.S TV show The View] and Idris Elba during his speech to the UK Parliament in Westminster, London, which called for greater representation in film and TV. Essentially confirming what we all already know: The movement for change [from sexism to ageism and the rest] needs to be a regular effort not seasonal.

Sir Ian McKellen's statement that "no openly gay man has ever won an Oscar", claiming that homophobia is also a big problem [amongst Academy voters], is a further blow to the forthcoming Oscars ceremony and his comments need to be noted and actioned! Why, in this day and age, are we still having to deal with such blatant atrocities? It's too much... Way too much.

I'm not sure how to support the movement of bridging the diversity gap beyond this article [it's a huge task] however, I know that it will be far more effective for those on board to ensure they are driven by the desire to make a positive difference as opposed to stepping on one group in order to elevate another. None of us want to put ourselves further back so, be careful the position you take…

This post is the sharing of one person’s OPINION to which we are all entitled.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing

BODY LOVE

It’s true! You can get yourself in shape just by cutting out the foods and liquids that are no good for you, replacing them with more of what will benefit your body [inside and out], together with regular exercise. How do I know? I tried and tested this very method and have seen major improvements!

As you might be aware, in 2007 I started experiencing severe abdominal pain and it wouldn’t be until 2012 that I’d be diagnosed with fibroids. I’d have forgiven anyone who thought I was pregnant due to the size of my belly.

So-called health care professionals took their time with providing any helpful information so, I carried out my own research. What are fibroids? How/why do we get them? Can they be got rid of without surgery? 

It was relatively simple – eating the wrong foods contribute towards the growth of the [benign] tumours and a lack of exercise give them space to grow. The exact cause of them is unknown but, it is possible to live with them [painfree]. I needed to devise a new lifestyle plan for myself because, the doctors were being vague and slow to answer my questions about living with fibroids instead of undergoing surgery. They wanted to give me a hysterectomy and I refused.

SUGAR and ALCOHOL are the main culprits. Like liquid to a gremlin, the sweet stuff feeds the fibroids and encourages growth. BREAD causes additional bloating and discomfort [there is no type of bread that doesn’t affect me in the same way] and MILK [dairy] has my tummy quite literally feel as though something is being aggressively churned inside of me which almost immediately will have me feel/be sick. My BODY was [overall] in very bad shape [internally] and I didn’t even realise!

Don’t get it twisted, excluding alcohol, I do still enjoy some of the not-so-good stuff because, I believe a mix of good and bad bacteria are needed to keep our bodies strong. However, I now consume more healthy foods and far less of that which I know isn’t good [for me]. I also discovered Moringa which has eased my symptoms greatly.

EXERCISE is something that became a myth as I got older. Literally! As a child and during my teenage years, I took part in sports – swimming, badminton, tennis, football, squash, hockey, netball, basketball, dance [various styles], kick-boxing and skipping, most of which I did via school. Upon leaving education and working all of those activities went out of the window until 2015!

Towards the end of 2014 my research focus was fitness. There are so many workout plans out there but, which one, if any, would be right for me and help me live with the fibroids? I came across many YouTube channels, DVD’s and sites that boast “the best” workout routine but, for me, it was a combination of David Haye and Tracy Anderson’s fun, home routines that have proved to be a winner!

By October 2015, having committed to my new lifestyle, I am living far better than I was – walking, lifting, sitting, standing, taking a shower, playing with my niece etc, is less of a struggle - and I now look fairly decent in the nude, real talk!

My DAILY WORKOUT ROUTINE [up to 6 days each week] includes stretches, boxercise, lunges, on-the-spot jog, leg raises, squats, push-ups, sit-ups etc… I started with a commitment to 10 minutes each morning [January 2015] and was soon able to reach 1 hour [gradual, steady build]. Some of the results of this new lifestyle have been remarkable! More energy, clearer skin and better sleep. I’m so much happier!

If you really want/need to improve your overall health, there is absolutely nothing and no-one that can stand in your way without your permission.

Stupidity is sticking with what doesn’t work knowing such is bad for you and will/can have a devastating impact on your life and those around you. You’re more than capable and you are definitely smart enough to know that you’ll be better off giving your body an overhaul so, what are you waiting for? Start today! Go and get your health conscious lifestyle on and ‘run’ with it!!

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing