ARE YOU LONELY?

I find it really interesting that the things we are ill affected by the most are the very subjects we tend to 'shy' away from speaking openly about when, in actual fact, because there are so many people who can relate to those particular things than we maybe realise, having an open, candid discussion could prove to be the exact encouragement any of us need.

Here's the thing: there's often a misconception that nobody who has a family, lots of friends, an active lifestyle, a partner, hobbies, money and who appears to have their life in order [whatever that might mean to you] can ever feel/be alone, or lonely and, in my opinion, such a belief is ignorant.

Several years ago, despite being in a great place, I mostly felt disconnected from the people around me and the things I was involved with [work, freelance projects, parties, events, etc.]. The reason I would sometimes feel that way, I later discovered, was due to a lack of common, or genuine ground. It's possible to be surrounded by many, but, at the same time feel that you're entirely by yourself because energies don't truly align [for you].

Loneliness is due to having a lack of, or no emotional, connections [be that as a result of a past experience that has you with your guard up, or others finding that they do not want to, or just cannot connect with you based on their own personal issue's, or having had conflict with you]. The physical impact of that is being alone. It's important to understand the difference because, although both are very serious and can go hand in hand, in my experience, they cannot necessarily be resolved in the same way.

When a person feels lonely they may seek validation, comfort, attention and also judge their sense of worth, or importance, in the wrong places, in the wrong way, or from the wrong people, which can lead to anything from [deeper] feelings of rejection, promiscuity [and the subsequent shame, or other consequences that can follow unsafe/carefree sexual activity], aggressive behaviour, or even suicidal thoughts.

If you know that you feel lonely, or are alone, you can, if you choose, improve your situation, whether you have trusted loved ones within reach or not! There are a number of social groups, health advisors and charities that offer free advice which are **available to you regardless of your age, race, gender, religion, background, etc. Help yourself by seeking out those opportunities to share your thoughts and feelings via the avenues specifically in place to provide you with that type of support.

You need not feel embarrassed nor ashamed to contact these organisations. If you do, try to begin tackling the problem yourself by noting down why you're feeling lonely/alone. Have you fallen out with people? Can you resolve the issue between yourselves? Is the problem work related? What can be done about it? Be brutally honest with yourself! While sometimes those who were [or who are currently around you] might have caused you to feel lonely/alone [maybe they pushed you away for whatever reason], there are times when you will need to take sole responsibility and start by taking a closer look at yourself.

Perhaps your situation is not about shutting people out of your life, or having been shut out of the lives of others, and doesn't have anything to do with someone else, a job, or your household. If that's the case, take a good look at all other areas/aspects of your life and note down what you feel/believe is missing, or lacking, and be truthful about the reasons [possible reasons] why. Resolving the issue of loneliness, or being alone, could be as simple as making the choice to stop focusing on what is lacking and instead focus on everything that is going well for you. 

Whatever your story and however you choose to deal, do not give up on yourself; your present, nor your future. Know that your life is valuable and of great worth! Do everything you can, responsibly and within reason, to overcome this hurdle. You might be feeling lonely, but, you are not alone x

** Click here for further support.

Written by Charley Jai - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.