I had been feeling suffocated by all things social media and just needed to breathe. Not typically one to procrastinate, I found that I was spending more time glued to my phone than doing anything else, or in between everything that I needed to get done. It wasn't healthy, especially since way too much of what is shared on certain platforms [such as Instagram] began to have me feel as though I'm not 'up there' with everyone else - not doing enough, not the right sort of attractive, not the right sort of slim, not connected to/with the right people, not a member of the popular [like to hype about every little thing] 'crew', not achieving the same opportunities as those who 'look like' they're doing 'big things', etc. It was a lot! This was the first time I had experienced such a thing - I was at home recovering from injuries and with a lack of energy and in pain, I wasn't feeling motivated to do anything remotely productive. My anxiety was getting worse and I was really beginning to struggle with it. The thing is, I know the feelings I began to have about social media are such nonsense! The internet is one of the biggest lies out there and we all know this! It's over saturated with so many charlatans.
Using my blog and via my tweets, Facebook updates and Instagram posts, I encourage you not to be put off from living your authentic truth by what you see online [which is mostly filtered in one way or another] and to inspire you to not allow such things to have you feel down about any aspect of your life, only to then go through a similar experience myself. Knowing that most of what we see isn't an entirely true representation of someone's life, or is potentially a completely false 'show and tell', doesn't stop us from occasionally feeling a bit poo about our own and I am no exception.
Here's the thing though: the break from social media has had a profound *effect on me in that I'm just not bothered about any of it anymore which is how I had felt originally. I've always been very "whatever" about social media, seriously! If all of those platforms were suddenly shut down it wouldn't bother me in the slightest, real talk. The same way I choose to disregard ill opinions of me [especially from those who don't know me on a personal level], is the same approach I take towards the majority of the content I see on my TL's. MEH!
I'm known for being multi-skilled; I'm a woman with many talents and am just as capable as anyone else of achieving my goals [in fact, I have achieved quite a bit in my lifetime]. I'm worthy, valuable, deserving, a buff ting [yes, I did write that, it's the truth] and I am enough! I just fell off my horse and needed time out to dust myself off, regain my composure and get back in the saddle. I'm feeling tons better now, praise God.
I'm so happy I stepped away from social media for a while, taking time to meditate, reflect, read, write, listen to uplifting instrumentals, exercise more, etc., and I highly recommend doing that. I was allowing it to have a negative effect on me; the bad experiences had at the start of the year [and being at home recovering] had me sit online too often. I was blatantly feeling a tad sorry for myself with a firm focus on how savage the last few months have been and social media [that is everything but social] had me feeling worse. No more 24/7 content scrolling for me from now on, especially as quite a lot of it tends to be of very little substance which does nothing for my life!
All of the above stated, I believe in *taking responsibility for your own outcomes and personal development. We should never give up on ourselves [as difficult as it can be to keep going sometimes]! Not every dark turn you take is down to someone else. More time it's about the choices you made way back when you failed to pay attention to how those decisions could impact your future. This, somewhat, never ending journey of self discovery and healing is often annoying because, I tend to think that at my age , I should know enough to not be taking any wrong turns. Fact is, that's what life [because, it and we are not perfect] is all about - taking those wrong turns, but, with the courage to seek clarity [every step of the way] about who we really are and the purpose we serve. Transparency, in my opinion, is a must. I believe it is better to be someone who will own their flaws and reveal their shortcomings in a bid to become an improved version of their better self, than one who walks with a head held high full of ignorance and denial.
You will forever be a tip toe away from your best, or your worst so, choose your steps very carefully and think twice over every decision you feel is the right one to make before you actually make it.
Thanks for reading.
PREVIOUS POST - Broken but, Healing
You can find audio versions of my blog posts on my SoundCloud page here.
Random Fact > Often, when I think there's nobody watching/listening, I sing in my best Mariah, or Beyoncé voice and, do you know what? I can actually hit some notes! ;)