DON'T HURT YOUR NEIGHBOUR

Many of the struggles we face with others aren’t actually about us, even though it can feel that way when their negative behavior impacts us or seems aimed at us...

Between February 2007 and April 2022, I had some of the most difficult and disruptive neighbours!

I lived on the first floor of a two-story building with seven flats. Mine was at the far right corner, at the top of the stairs. The location gave it a cozy, safe feel. For about three weeks after I moved in, everything was peaceful then the chaos began.

The flat next door seemed to be a revolving door for people in difficult situations. One tenant had a dog and would place food on the landing for it to eat—no bowl, just food on the concrete floor. This led to a terrible smell and an infestation of insects (thankfully, they stayed outside). Another person who lived in that flat was a young man who, unfortunately, had mental health challenges. He would often scream for hours or bang his head against the front door. I couldn’t help but think, “He really shouldn’t be living alone.”

Next to the revolving-door flat was a man struggling with drug addiction. His downward spiral began after he lost custody of his children and was denied supervised visits. Unable to handle the separation, he started inviting strangers—people with easy access to drugs and alcohol—into his flat, where they’d hang out, drink, and indulge in all kinds of bad behavior, day and night. There were so many arguments, fights, smashed bottles found on the landing, and often the loudest music you could imagine! He once accepted a delivery for me (despite my instructions stating that no parcels can be left with any of the neighbours) but denied that he had. He later came clean with an apology. I wasn't angry, I just felt sad for him.

To the left of this guy was a short, middle-aged man who lived alone and had beady eyes that would watch me/stare whenever I was outside, e.g. when I was cleaning my windows. He did the same to an elder woman who lived next door to him. He’d watch us coming and going, and sometimes even follow us (separately) around the neighborhood. Eventually, I had enough and confronted him in the most calm but stern voice I could manage. I made it clear that I wasn’t the person to mess with and, if he didn’t stop his odd behavior, I’d film him and report him to the police. After that, he seemed to settle for just watching us from his windows, which was still unsettling but at least less intrusive.

The elder woman was quiet, always smiling when we crossed paths, and we’d chat about her frustrations with the other neighbors (she and I still occasionally cross paths and have a catch up). One neighbour in particular, another man (who used a walking stick) living to her left, was considered to be a 'pimp' and 'drug dealer'. Girls, some looking as young as 15 and others in their twenties, were frequently coming and going from his place. He also had other regular visitors—middle-aged men and women. Then, a woman who appeared to be around 80 years old (though she claimed to be in her late 40s, which could have been true with heavy drug and alcohol use the reason for premature aging) moved in and things quickly went downhill. She and the 'pimp' would have explosive arguments on the landing, sometimes violent - she’d grab things, like chairs, to hit him with. He’d defend himself with his walking stick however he always came off worse. 

I once found the 'pimp' unconscious on the landing outside the revolving-door flat. He wasn’t breathing. Without thinking, I quickly took a photo (not sure why I did that), which I still have, then called the police. It turned out he had just passed out. Several months later, I was stunned to find blood spats on the stairs one day as I was heading out. There were also two used condoms. I knocked on the door of the downstairs flat to check if they knew what had occurred. The person who came to the door told me that two young girls had been 'attacked'. This person claimed the girls were found huddled together (a few days prior), quietly crying. When asked, “What’s wrong, girls?”, they told of the 'attack'. Apparently, they also admitted they didn’t want to report it because they were scared of getting into trouble for their own drug use. I cannot articulate the feelings I held for a long time after learning of this... I never learned if the story was entirely true, who the girls were, etc. I was never afraid nor worried, just angry that (if true) the vile humans responsible had likely got away with hurting those young girls!

I’ll spare you the full details about the guy who lived below me in a modified flat. However, his shower made a thunderous chugging sound—only way I can describe it—that he’d use every few hours, day and night! It was absolutely WILD. I later found out through the council that his bathroom had been redesigned. Although they knew the job had been done poorly, they told me "no further repairs would be made." I was sleep deprived and without any relief for three and half years!

I filed countless complaints with the council, but they fell on deaf ears. Staff came and went, a noise recording machine was 'installed', I submitted evidence, exchanged countless emails, and was constantly told, "Nothing can be done," or that I "should consider moving to a different borough." As if difficult people aren't everywhere and to find a (new) home is easy—ridiculous, right? "No!" I thought, refusing to back down. "I like where I live, but not how I’m living. The council has a duty of care, and I will keep fighting for myself." Eventually, my persistence paid off!

Living at that flat from age 26 to 41 was tough, to say the least, but it’s where I learned so much. It’s also where my resilience really grew, and I started to understand just how important it is to take a breath before reacting to anything. 

In April 2022, I was blessed with a new home. It needed a lot of work, and I didn’t move in until May. It’s a spacious 1-bedroom apartment with its own private steps, and I absolutely love it. I put in a ton of effort to transform it from what looked like an abandoned squat into a comfy, zen-style home for myself. But just two months in, the family of four living above me (in a 1-bedroom!) became a nightmare. Had my previous experience been preparation for this? I was stunned to be going through a similar devastation again. The family stomped around, dropped heavy objects on the floors, slammed their doors and more. I approached them calmly and respectfully at least five times, but it didn’t make a difference. Their flat was cluttered, held a terrible odour, had mould and a lot of damage. I realised their behavior wasn’t about me. They wanted out and had asked for help but were turned away. I began recording their constant noise disturbance and reported them. After two years of my persistent complaints, they were finally moved out. Then a young girl moved in and I prayed for her to be a good neighbour! If not, music will be my escape...

Council tenants often get a bad reputation, but the real issue isn’t about the people who live in these properties. It’s more about the neglect from council staff, who too often hide behind policies that seem to prioritize them as landlords rather than ensuring the protection, safety, and proper care of the tenants.

Unfortunately, many people can relate to the housing experiences I’ve shared. There are some truly awful individuals who aim to cause harm, and others whose actions stem from their own struggles. These situations can take a toll on our health, finances, and relationships. However, it’s important to remember that we have control over how we respond. Striving to promote peace within ourselves and our homes can make all the difference. When necessary, gathering evidence and filing a formal complaint with the right people can help not only us but also the troublesome neighbours, leading to a better living environment for everyone.

A little care and consideration, even when you're frustrated by someone else’s bad behavior towards you, can make a big difference—for both them and you. Do what you need to do, within reason, to safeguard yourself and to protect your peace, but never to retaliate.

You shall not take vegeance or bear a grudge, but you shall 

love your neighbour as yourself 

- Leviticus 19:18

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.