"ARE YOU STILL ATTRACTED TO MEN, CHARLEY?"

The occasional audacity of so-called friends is an interesting experience to navigate, irrespective of age and the length of the friendship. In my opinion, there are just some questions you should never ask, or you should ask in a gentle voice. No sarcasm, or a tone that aims to embarrass or cause upset.

Here's the thing, it's not so much the idea that I am perhaps now a lesbian because I've been single for so long but it's the fact that sexuality is NOT a choice and the fact that my sexuality is actually nobody's rarted business. Not even my 'friends'! 

I have always been bothered by the belief of some that to be anything other than straight (heterosexual/cis) is a choice. I once asked a fellow straight person who openly shared homophobic views, when they had decided to be straight. They replied, "I've always been straight; I was born this way". To which I responded, "so, sexual preference is not a choice for you but it is a choice for others? Meaning, there are people who, for some unknown reason, are choosing a sexual identity that they already know will see them face discrimination, abuse and in some cases death?". No reply.

Feeling uncomfortable around people or things that you do not understand is okay. Going out of your way to hurt or bully someone who is different to you based entirely on that difference will always be wrong. You do not need to stay where you feel 'off'. Nor are you made to continue looking in a direction that is unpleasing to your eyes. Simply avert your gaze!

Yes, we have come such a long way with general attitudes and tolerance however there is still so much ground to cover. We all acknowledge the fact, and regularly make the statement, that "no-one is perfect, we're all flawed, some of us are trying to heal from severe hardship", etc., etc. Yet I've never heard anyone say (in relation to a non-cis person), "nobody is perfect, they are who they are because that's how they were made in the same way I am who I am because, this is how I was made".

Look, I am attracted to men (black and brown men, specifically, the darker the better) but, I don't particularly like/trust men at the moment. The struggle to meet a man of substance in this day and age is so real. That doesn't automatically mean I now 'fancy' women. I do not! In recent years I have chosen to do what many choose not to do: stay single and abstinent to focus on my health, my home, my career, etc., in an effort to 'tidy up' those areas of my life; to cultivate a peaceful, happy, blessed life before looking to enter into a solid with a man (who has hopefully done the necessary work on himself too). I'll not race to find somebody and settle just to satisfy the expectations others have. To settle is to eventually lose, I think... 

Any who, my sexuality confirmed (*rolls eyes*), it's about time we were more acquiescent towards all things and all people (within reason). There's a huge difference between people who deliberately commit heinous crimes versus people who happen to be LGBTQIA+.

Love is love, real talk.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.