ARE YOU BEING HONEST ABOUT WHO YOU ARE?

The other day I was looking at my Instagram and Facebook pages and I asked myself, “are your social media profiles an honest and accurate representation of who you are and what you do?”. I’m not sure about everywhere else in the world but, us Brits are known for our modesty. We tend to shy away from speaking our truth; speaking confidently about the person we are and the things we do because, well, we likely worry that we might come across as boastful or arrogant. But, here’s the thing. So what if we do?

At the end of the day, especially if somebody has taken an interest in wanting to learn more about you, why would you be more concerned with what they will think is your truth versus what you know to be your truth? Until recently I never described myself as being a person who operates with care and consideration, a proud and confident brown woman who feels quite happy with life but wants to see so many major improvements in her life. 

I am an award-winning blogger turned podcaster, an advocate for positively encouraging our youth, a mentor for aspiring talents and a presenter still seeking that golden opportunity. I’m single and have been for a while and although very happy solo (with my personal and professional growth that I needed to explore alone) I pray that I will one day be part of a duo because this single ting is now a long ting; I’m over it! 

What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with saying, "I am accomplished but with so much more to achieve, happily single but really wanting to meet the one for me and I am somebody working towards the pursuit of her goals openly, honestly, passionately but with care and consideration"?. What’s wrong with putting that out there? I mean, doing so might actually bring me the things that I want most. 

So, who are you and are you being honest about who you are, where you’re at and where you hope to end up?

Charley x

@charleyjaiuk

An audio version of this post is available via - SPOTIFY and PODBEAN

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

DON'T LET THE LIGHT GO OUT

What do you do when you feel like you’re losing it even though (when you pause to consider why), you can't find any reason why you should actually be losing it?

What do you do when everything you thought you had dealt with shows up with the ugliest of reminders that all you’ve done is buried the emotion, but not the pain?

What do you do when the memories you don’t want to remember resurface in a dream that plays on repeat every, single, night?

What do you do when you cannot stop the tears from falling and have no idea why they’re falling?

What do you do when it seems to be that everybody else has their ish together while you cannot quite get a grip on your own?

What do you do when you finally speak your undeniable truth out loud only for your words filled with a desperate need to be helped fall on ears that choose not to listen?

What do you do when all you have is you and the you that you thought you knew has given up on you too?

It's not just about this season, it's not just about the lives that we've lost. It's not just about the struggles and the battles that inevitably come with a challenging season. It's about how we as human beings seem to be evolving. It's about the fact that, despite there being more things available to keep us connected, we remain so disconnected and a lot of people (because they are disconnected); because nobody seems to care or seems to know how to show they care, are choosing to just see their way out. They're choosing to take their own life.

This is not an easy thing to write about; it isn't an easy thing for you to read, I'm sure, but it's something that needs to be said. We continue to shy away from speaking on the things that need to be spoken about and the interesting thing is that when we do speak on these things, and we open up the door to making it okay for everyone to speak on these things, we can potentially save lives.

It's a tad uncomfortable writing about such things. I sit at home and just write. I write from a conversation, watching something or reading something... Inspiration, as you know, comes from so many different things, people, places, experiences, etc., but, it's sitting heavy on my heart at the moment to know that so many people feel lonely. I've said this before, there's a fine line between being alone and feeling lonely... It's good to get together with yourself and to be comfortable in your own company but it's not good to be lonely. It's not good for people to leave each other feeling lonely. So if you are someone who knows that for the longest time you haven't reached out to certain people I urge you to do just that.

Sometimes we think of people but we allow them to just cross our mind. The next time you think of somebody pick up the phone and flipping call them. Don't send them a WhatsApp, don't send them a DM, don't tag them in something on social medai. Pick up the phone and just say, "Hey! I was thinking of you so I thought I'd check-in".

What do you do when you feel like you’re losing it even though (when you pause to consider why), you can't find any reason why you should actually be losing it?

If in our darkest moments we don't feel that we have anybody we can turn to, the light goes out. Don't let the light of someone you know/respect/care about/love go out. Be the reason it stays on and shines brighter.

Charley x

@charleyjaiuk

An audio version of this post is available via - SPOTIFY and PODBEAN

FYI - This post was written after it was spontaneously recorded and uploaded as a podcast.

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

This post was updated on the 29th of July 2024.

THIS IS FOR YOU

"You definitely have a great voice for radio and voice-over work, Charley, and you also have a really nice face for the screen too. I honestly think you're in the wrong line of work. You should be a presenter, or documentary maker, maybe voice reality TV shows? But you most certainly should not be working on a desk, at a computer screen, all day, where your talents are wasted instead of being given every opportunity to shine!" 

It's SO lovely when I receive such complimentary encouragement. This is something that has been said to me, by various people, in different ways, for many years. I've worked in T.V., Theatre, Film, and Radio and have loved those gigs/jobs more than any other, so, this is my path for sure, however, I've yet to find the right door. But, I will keep striving until I do.

I don't usually divulge such things, but, I wanted to share this in the hope that it encourages anyone who might be feeling discouraged at this time. Rest if you must but, do not quit. Your talents are exactly what somebody somewhere is in need of. They just haven't come across you yet. They will if you stick with your pursuit!!

Also, EVERYONE is watching. You just never know which pair of eyes looking at your work will have a vision for you that is aligned with your own. Stay hopeful and keep working on yourself. Get better, stronger, develop your skills and prepare for when it's your time!

Charley x
@charleyjaiuk

An audio version of this post is available via - SPOTIFY and PODBEAN



All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

QUARANTINE LOVE...

This post has been inspired by a recent episode of my IGTV show AMPLIFIED! titled Finding Love in Lockdown. 

I’ve mentioned the dating app Hinge on my blog before. Most of the men I came across on there appeared to be seeking a live-in-chef who can also clean, wash laundry, iron and provide ‘extra’s’ upon request. YAWN!!!! NO SUBSTANCE!! These are brown men (as per my preference) and supposedly grown, real talk! It’s as if there are none left with an ounce of maturity or depth. It’s just the cannot-prepare-a-meal-for-myself-and-don't-clean-up-after-myself-so-I-want-a-woman-who-can-do-those-things-while-also-looking-100-all-of-the-time type of men who remain single. I mean, go figure…

Here’s the thing. Truth be told, I do like my own space, on my own terms. I enjoy every moment of peace and stillness. I never truly feel lonely although in recent months I'm very aware that, outside of work, I am alone most days – before and during the lockdown. Do you get what I mean? There’s a big difference between being by yourself and feelings of loneliness. For me, the latter isn’t a problem because I always have something to focus on.

I mean, as I’m writing this post, I don't feel entirely 'ready' to date but I think I just need to 'get back out there'. Is there any such thing as 'being ready'?. Thing is, seeing couples who ‘look’ blissfully happy has me consider the possibility of that for myself. But, when I see/hear couples at loggerheads I immediately feel super grateful that I haven’t had such a headache for some time and it’s that which has kept me solo. I cannot ever deal with nonsense again. EVER!

I’m a Virgo and while I do not 'buy into' zodiac descriptions, it is absolutely true that Virgo women can be incredibly complex. We are so sure (almost all of the time); so final with what we do and how we do it (in the home, at work, on a personal level, etc.), that I think we sometimes do ourselves a disservice when it comes to matters of the heart without even realising. A Virgo can hold her own and maybe that means she is less likely to leave herself open to attracting the partner she imagines herself to be with. Knowing that doesn’t automatically change her though, especially once past the age of 30; lol, she’s quite stuck in her ways and so, it would take an incredible human to enter her world and turn it upside down in the best possible way.

I deleted the dating app, Hinge. Although I did not encounter any issues with it as such (and did go on a few virtual dates whilst in quarantine/lockdown), overall, I found the app to be such a bore. The men I came across were so typical (food, sports, money, gym, sex) and lacked the ability to hold a balanced conversation *rolls eyes*. That said, I don't know if I'm 1000% certain that I am ready to give up my simple, drama-free life for something that will undoubtedly be a more hectic than I’m now used to and that isn't necessarily due to the type of man I may potentially choose to be with, but because all relationships come with pre-programmed seasons in my opinion. From the ‘honeymoon period’ to the first glitch and the rest, there's always some ish to deal with.

I'm old school, I'd quite like to meet somebody organically (as has always been the case in the past) but, it seems, nowadays, meeting people IN REAL LIFE is somewhat impossible when heads are in screens or legs are moving like they’re powered by Duracell to get wherever it is they’re going. Eye contact doesn't happen much at all anymore! I guess even less so owing to the current times? I don't know...

Advanced technology (and with almost everything so easily available via the internet nowadays)  means, I think, many feel less of a need to leave themselves open to a more genuine way of meeting/connecting with somebody which is a shame. I think we're more likely to see exactly what we can expect when we randomly meet in person than if we 'cross paths' online.

All of the above said, ambitious single brown men between the age of 38 and 45 who live in the UK, without children (and are not interested in having kids), non-smokers, no chequered past that still impacts your present, who prefer to go exploring than 'hit' the clubs, pubs, bars and other such 'hotspots', who are independent but not self-obsessed, not flashy (I have zero interest in your money, whatever car you drive, your material possessions, etc.) and with a mature sense of humour, holla!

Charley - @charleyjaiuk x

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.