The title of this post is exactly how life is... "You win some, you lose some", right?
"I'M DONE!" is something I could have said on so many occasions this year to a number of people who either took,
or attempted to take, the ultimate pee for no good reason other than that’s
just how they roll.
The Beginning
Between
the months of January and April 2014 I didn’t know if I was losing my mind or if the things I was going through were part of a bigger
and better picture. Such was the harsh extent of these things that I often asked
myself, “Why do you even bother? Why do what you do when it’s clearly taking
its toll?” I literally could not find an answer and, with me, no answer means
‘you better keep going until you get an answer’ so, that’s what I did.
Remaining positive, staying focused, working towards my bigger picture, I
simply carried on in the direction I was heading.
The Change
As the
end of April approached I suddenly felt very
different! You know those random good feelings? Something completely
indescribable yet at the same time it has you buzzing; you’re excited, and you
feel that you know for sure things
are about to improve? That was me and I took that feeling and ran with it into
the month of May!! Up to this day though, I’ve no idea where that feeling came
from nor can I pinpoint it but, I remember it clearly and I'm glad I chose to embrace it because, looking back, it was to be the positive energy I would need to get through some tough times!
Random Step
Following
on from May 2014, the month of June was the
most exciting month to date! Opportunities and reconnections galore and I
was (and still am) so very grateful!! As most know, alongside my creative
endeavors, I was looking for some office work to top up my income and this box
was about to be ticked in the shape of a media company based in West London and, although I’d not heard of them, having
done my research, they appeared to be top notch!! I felt so, so blessed!
The Battle
I walked
in to the media company, on my first day in July 2014, feeling super-duper
elated! To start something new and embrace all that was to follow was my only
goal. With this particular job, being that it was a side earner and not one from which I wanted to make a career,
I chose to take it on with a laid back approach albeit a hugely open mind and,
Thank Jah that I did… This company was to try every last bit of patience I had
and also sit on each and every one of my nerves until it had grind them down, and all in the shape of one particular
female employee almost 11 years my junior! Although advertised as an Office
Manager ‘type’ role, the company wanted a somewhat mute cleaner who was ‘happy’
to simply be at the beck and call of more than 80 members of staff, 5 days a
week, full-time, to include cleaning up after them all – literally!
Now, far from it being beneath me to do the job of a cleaner (never that), it
simply isn’t a role that I have ever pursued nor would it be. Why? Because, it
doesn’t interest me in the slightest and owing to certain health conditions it
isn’t one I could do even if I wanted to. On top of this, the female member of
staff in question who, as suggested by too many who work at the company, seemed
to find my efficiency and expertise to be of a level which highlighted her
flaws and failings, made every attempt to have me seen as being unsuitable for the
job. She tried to discredit my good nature and strong work ethic which I found shocking because, she was in a much more senior role! Why she found me to be a threat I don't know. This child was impossible in every way you could think of! Having experienced the loss of 2 incredible
people this year – a good friend and my dearest grandpa, who I am still
struggling to accept is gone – I could have so easily switched in that place,
taking out every frustration and
upset on said female who was aware of my recent loss! This
young female was horrid and impossible to work with or be around.
Beautiful Chapter
In and
amongst the chaos and sadness between summer and winter, I found solace in the
most unlikely person ever! I’ve blogged about my connection with this
individual before however; I’ve not once named them. Despite writing qiute candidly on this blog, both this person and I are actually rather private people.
Although, like near enough everyone in the world, this individual was going
through their own battle they did all they could to be there for me – with
comfort, surprise evenings out, the occasional visit armed with plenty hugs, an
attentive ear and words of encouragement to uplift me and remind me that I will
always only ever be human and in all things can only do my very best! To say
that I am so overly grateful for this person doesn’t even scratch the surface
of what I feel for them. We all need
that one constant and consistent someone in our lives who knows when to step
in, step up, or step down. I am grateful to God for placing this person in my life.
Choice
Far from
give up or give in, I will keep doing the best that I
can with what I have to achieve all that I have set out to accomplish.
Sometimes, honestly, I wish that it was within my nature to just stop! To let
it all go and just settle for whatever, but, I wasn’t raised that way. To simply exist is not what we were born to do. To live and to
enjoy life is a natural and blessed desire that we are born with. How very dare I take such an opportunity for granted by not trying to live a
great and joyful life. So, here’s to working towards new goals with new
steps in place as I also take on an amazing opportunity following my departure from that awful job! I’m super happy to be walking out of 2014 with a clear
conscience, a forgiving heart, a focused mind, renewed strength/resilience,
the benefits of lessons learned, a healthy attitude and a fierce determination.
While I did tick many boxes in 2014, there are those still pending so, I’ve
still quite a bit of work to do which I always welcome!!
Next
For as
long as we are alive there can be no end so, actually, this is a new beginning
– new challenges and opportunities, deeper faith and an abundance of hope. I'm in a good place and am ready to explore my new chapter!! :D
MY Key Lesson in 2014
You’re
not only as good as your last; you’re as good as what you believe your next
will be! – Sometimes, for all of your efforts, the natural order of what is
meant to be is simply too strong a force to outdo!! Best form of defense, or
rather protection? Positive thinking!!!
 |
| My 2014 summary in pics! |
Remember: whether
you believe in him or not, God is always with you…
SPECIAL THANKS TO:
Isaak Badru (for support on that day)
Jimmy Akingbola (for support on that day)
Francis Joani (for your care and
consideration)
Joanne Sandi and CarolineOdogwu :)
Theatre Royal; Stratford East, the
broadway Barking Theatre and Studio 3 Arts
(for providing filming space for
The Real Talk TV Series UK!!! x)
The RTTVS Team, always!! x
Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk
All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing