Sunday, 28 December 2014

LUCKY DIP!

The title of this post is exactly how life is... "You win some, you lose some", right?

"PEE OFF!" is something I could have said on so many occasions this year to a number of people who either took, or attempted to take, the ultimate piss for no good reason other than because, that’s just how they roll.

The Beginning
Between the months of January and April 2014 I didn’t know whether I was about to lose my mind, seriously, or if the things I were going through were part of a bigger and better picture. Such was the extent of these things that I often asked myself, “Why do you even bother? Why do what you do when it’s clearly taking its toll?” I literally could not find an answer and, with me, no answer means ‘you better keep going until you get an answer’ so, that’s what I did. Remaining positive, staying focused, working towards my bigger picture, I simply carried on in the direction I was heading. 


The Change
As the end of April approached I suddenly felt very different! You know those random good feelings? Something completely indescribable yet at the same time it has you buzzing; you’re excited and you feel that you know for sure things are about to improve? That was me and I took that feeling and ran with it into the month of May!! Up to this day though, I’ve no idea where that feeling came from nor can I pinpoint it however, I remember it clearly and I'm glad I chose to embrace it because, looking back, it was to be the positive energy I would need to get through some tough times!

Random Step
Following on from May 2014, the month of June was the most exciting month to date! Opportunities and reconnections galore and I was (and still am) so very grateful!! As most know, alongside my creative endeavors, I was looking for some office work to top up my income and this box was about to be ticked in the shape of a media company based in West London and, although I’d not heard of them, having done my research, they appeared to be top notch!! I felt so, so blessed!

The Battle
I walked in to the media company, on my first day in July 2014, feeling super-duper elated! To start something new and embrace all that was to follow was my only goal. With this particular job, being that it was a side earner and  not one from which I wanted to make a career, I chose to take it on with a laid back approach; with a hugely open mind and, Thank Jah that I did… This company was to try every last bit of patience I had and also sit on each and every one of my nerves until it had grind them down and all in the shape of one particular female employee almost 11 years my junior! Although advertised as an Office Manager ‘type’ role, the company wanted a somewhat mute cleaner who was ‘happy’ to simply be at the beck and call of more than 80 members of staff, 5 days a week, full-time, to include cleaning up after them all – literally! Now, far from it being beneath me to do the job of a cleaner (never that), it simply isn’t a role that I have ever pursued nor would it be. Why? Because, it doesn’t interest me in the slightest and owing to certain health conditions it isn’t one I could do even if I wanted to. On top of this, the female member of staff in question who, as suggested by too many who work at the company, seemed to find my efficiency and expertise to be of a level which highlighted her flaws and failings, made every attempt to show me as being unsuitable for the job; to discredit my good nature and strong work ethic which I found shocking because, she was in a much more senior role! Why she found me to be a threat I don't know. This child was impossible in every way you could think of! Having experienced the loss of 2 incredible people this year – a good friend and my dearest grandpa who I am still struggling to accept is gone – I could have so easily switched in that place, taking out every frustration and upset on said female who was aware of me having had a friend pass away!! This young female was horrid and impossible to work with or be around.
Such was also the experience of other members of staff (some of whom have since left the company). However, far from offer snide remarks as some low level form of retaliation, I chose to quiet my mind and calm my upset. In fact, I actually felt bad for her and prayed that she will one day realise her own greatness (as we all need to) so she can feel comfortable and confident wherever she is, whatever she is doing, regardless of those she is to be around and, of course, do so genuinely. In taking on such an approach one of my own valuable lessons was reinforced: Let nobody claim power over the ways of your heart. Suffice to say, I no longer work for that company! It was toxic (due to the cover up of several wrongdoings and other shady behaviour), caused me to be unwell, had me feel like I physically understood what it means to be a ‘modern day slave’ and, with it all firmly behind me, I now look forward to the next step in this here thing called “life”. Despite having given more than what was both asked and expected of me, I was taken for granted, victimized, made to feel somewhat inadequate and therefore found no enjoyment in the job with the media company beyond some of the many friendly people I met. So glad to have left that place following a difficult year wrapped in too many bad memories… Bring on 2015!!! I’m both ready and excited for whatever awaits me!!!! Best of all, I feel my experience at the media company has equipped me with a stronger resilience, tolerance and strength which I will no doubt need to apply somewhere down the line so, all in all, I am incredibly grateful for my time there!

Beautiful Chapter
In and amongst the chaos and sadness between summer and winter, I found solace in the most unlikely person ever! I’ve blogged about my connection with this individual before however; I’ve not once named them. Despite this here explicit blog (somewhat), both this person and I are actually rather private people.
Although, like near enough everyone in the world, this individual was going through their own battle they did all they could to be there for me – with comfort, surprise evenings out, the occasional visit armed with plenty hugs, an attentive ear and words of encouragement to uplift me and remind me that I will always only ever be human and in all things can only do my very best! To say that I am so overly grateful for this person doesn’t even scratch the surface of what I feel for them. We all need that one constant and consistent someone in our lives who knows when to step in, step up or step down. God has well and truly blessed me with my own earth-angel.

CHOICE
Far from give up or give in, here I am trying once again to simply do the best that I can with what I have to achieve all that I have set out to accomplish. Sometimes, honestly, I wish that it was within my nature to just stop! To let it all go and just settle for whatever however, I wasn’t raised that way. My mother taught me that to exist is not what we were born to do. To live and to enjoy that life is a natural, blessed purpose given to us by Jehovah God and how very dare we take such an opportunity for granted by not trying to live a great and joyful life? So, here’s to working towards new goals with new steps in place as I also take on an amazing opportunity following my departure from that awful job! I’m super happy to be walking out of 2014 with a clear conscience, a forgiving heart, a focused mind, a new found strength/resilience, the benefits of lessons learned, a healthy attitude and a fierce determination. While I did tick many boxes in 2014, there are those still pending so, I’ve still quite a bit of work to do which I always welcome!!

UNSURE
I haven’t been posting as frequently as I did when I first launched the blog and that is both due to being busy and also not always feeling as inspired…
Hopefully that changes and for those who have remained supportive and quite like reading my diary (lol), I’ll endeavor to post more often. Concerning The Real Talk TV Series UK there will be a vlog update posted to the channel (link above the title of this post) informing all of what is to happen with the project in the New Year.

The End
For as long as we are alive there can be no end so, actually, this is a new beginning – new challenges and opportunities, renewed faith and renewed hope. I'm in a fab place and ready to explore my new chapter!! :D

MY Key Lesson in 2014
You’re not only as good as your last; you’re as good as what you believe your next will be! – Sometimes, for all of your efforts, the natural order of what is meant to be is simply too strong a force to outdo!! Best form of defense, or rather protection? Positive thinking!!!

My 2014 summary in pics!

There is no challenge in life that you cannot take on and should you choose, you will succeed with all and overcome each struggle as though it is merely water off a ducks back!
Remember: whether you believe in him or not, God is always with you…

SPECIAL THANKS TO family & friends:
Isaak Badru (for support on that day)
Jimmy Akingbola (for support on that day)
Francis Joani (for your care and consideration)
My Joanne Sandi and Caroline Odogwu (good friends)
Nev G (for support, words of comfort & encouragement during that time)

SPECIAL THANKS TO those who made a difference:
Hazel Chapiwa (for not giving up on me)
Jameel Rahman (for every offer to make me a cup of tea even though I declined)
My Jessie Stone (for your comfort, jokes, understanding & heavy footsteps – you’re fab!)

Kimba! You already know, girl!! x

Theatre Royal; Stratford East, the broadway Barking Theatre and Studio 3 Arts
(for providing filming space for The Real Talk TV Series UK!!! x)

The RTTVS Team, always!! x


HAPPY NEXT STEP, FOLKS!!! Cheers to 2015!! x