MEN ARE NOT COMPLICATED.

Hold your horses! “Let me land!” as da yout dem seh! Ha-ha…

Okay, so I’m speaking directly to those who date men romantically - mostly straight women, being that’s me too - and I’m sharing this after an encounter that reminded me of a thought I’ve been pondering: men are not complicated. Or… are they?

From what I’ve observed, many men seem to choose and stay in relationships based more on emotional ease and timing than on validation, ego, or status. They often gravitate toward dynamics that feel safe, low-pressure, and comfortable for who they are at that particular stage in life. Of course, this might look different for different personalities - some may lean toward avoidant attachment styles, while others might approach connection differently.

Some women I’ve seen (and perhaps some of us have done this ourselves) adopt a kind of performative helplessness or submissiveness in relationships, often in the hope of drawing a partner back. In my experience, this rarely creates lasting fulfillment, because relationships built on performance alone rarely last. Men, like anyone, stay in relationships by choice - they respond to authenticity, not just need.

For women who don’t naturally adopt performative dependence, even while embracing their femininity, the experience can feel different. These women may deeply want romance and long-term commitment, but “playing princess” doesn’t come naturally, and that can leave them in a state of uncertainty or waiting longer for the kind of partnership that truly fits them.

So, the question arises: can a relationship last when one or both partners are performing, compromising, or concealing parts of themselves? Or is lasting connection only possible when both show up authentically?

We all have standards, boundaries, and non-negotiables. None are right or wrong - they’re just different from person to person.

From what I’ve seen, many men who are wrestling with internal conflict - torn between who they are and who they want to be - tend to feel more comfortable with partners who don’t push them far outside their comfort zones. Even when a woman is willing to encourage, support, and challenge them in meaningful ways - whether spiritually, emotionally, or practically - they sometimes choose the “easier” option. This isn’t about lack of love; it’s often about safety, timing, and how ready someone is to be vulnerable. Many men quietly long to be truly seen and supported, without feeling diminished or judged.

Here’s the twist: communication can change everything. When men are given space, time, and attentive listening, they often open up. No interruptions, judgment, or passive nodding - just genuine curiosity and presence. The right kind of dialogue can create the safety and trust necessary for both partners to grow together.

I want to be clear - I’m not saying men or women are “the problem.” Relationships are complicated, yes, but often it’s less about being inherently complicated and more about a lack of open, authentic conversation. Love alone doesn’t always guarantee loyalty or lasting connection; emotional understanding and alignment are key.

Not all men fit these patterns. Many do the work to grow, heal, and cultivate self-awareness. But for those still figuring it out, relationships can feel like a constant push-and-pull between comfort and growth.

What do you think? Have you observed something similar, or completely different? DM me via Instagram! I’d love to hear your perspective.

Image generated using ChatGPT and a personal photo.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk, founder of @theindustrytea_

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.