PRIMARY SCHOOL TO CHAPTER 40

From childhood dreams to the realities of life in my 40s.

During a class in primary school the teacher asked us, "if you could have a superpower, what would it be"? I answered, "I could fix people and make them not be sick or sad". The teacher was Mrs Newman, she drew elephants on the board - her fave animal - and always held a smile even when cross. As young as I was - and I am literally sobbing as I type this - I remember wanting to be as cheery and as positive as Mrs Newman when I grew up. I wanted to be someone's reason for their smile, their laugh, their happiness, their hope...

Of course, there is so much to learn and I've had many failings, hurt people along the way and also let myself down too. Your childhood is mostly play. It’s also being screamed at by adults, frustrated by the innocent mistakes you make—whether while playing or trying to help with something that 'only grown-ups are meant to do'. 

Your teens are spent trying to be cool and fit in with people you don’t yet realise are unlikely to be at your side for the rest of your life (and who aren’t as cool as you think). Your twenties are an extension of your teens - you flit between wanting to remain nonchalant and the need to feel like you're a fully independent adult. 

Then, with much anticipation and some dread, you hit 30 and you feel a sudden shift. But the shift is BIG - it literally shakes you - you're 'forced' to step into adulthood and get your ish together so that, if successful, "life can officially begin at 40". 

Being in my 30s was WILD! I can remember what I did to celebrate (those details are not for the blog, LOL), but I can also recall how daunting that first year felt. I wasn’t quite ready to leave my 20s behind—there was unfinished business, a feeling of not wanting to grow up, and I still needed time to adjust. I definitely didn’t want any more responsibilities than I already had. 

My 20s had given me a well-paid job, my first home, a whole heap of bills, but also allowed me to stay a little footloose and fancy-free, so to speak. I was OUT, OUT - LOL!! Your girl was about the social scenes from East to North, real talk. But, my 30s required me to step up and get my ducks in a row.

What nobody prepares you for - ahead of turning 40, in a world driven by tech, social media preachers, high living costs, and increasingly busy lives - is that brief but intense moment when you don’t quite know who you are yet, while at the same time being so sure of who you are not.

And that’s why it's so important to get to know yourself in your thirties: that chapter offers the space to explore who you are outside of anyone else’s expectations. It’s a decade where you can cherish friendships that feel like home, pursue passions that light you up, and trust the quiet instincts that have been whispering to you all along. 

You don’t need a romantic partner, a promotion, or society’s checklist to validate your worth. What matters is the small, brave choices you make every day to honor your own path, your own values, and your own joy.

By the time 40 rolls around, all those lessons, missteps, and little wins start to make sense—you begin to step into life on your own terms.

So give yourself permission to wander a little, to say no without guilt, to prioritise what feeds your soul over what you think will impress others. Listen to yourself more than the world’s noise, and remember that life isn’t about catching up—it’s about showing up for yourself. You might just find that in embracing your own journey fully, you become exactly the kind of person others can’t help but admire and feel inspired by—just like Mrs. Newman.

                              Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk, founder of @theindustrytea_

TRY LIVING ALONE FIRST

There’s something quite special about having your own place. Not your partner’s home, where half your wardrobe slowly migrates every time you visit. Not a house share, where the fridge feels like a social experiment. I mean your name on the tenancy, your sofa, your cups and plates, your slightly questionable life choices, LOL… all yours. 

Before you move in with someone I’d suggest living alone first. A year, properly. Not because it’s superior; it just teaches you things you can’t learn any other way. There’s an unlearning and then a gentle becoming you can’t quite experience with somebody under your feet and them under yours, no matter how “cute” and “exciting” it seems at first.

Living alone shows you who you really are. Your rhythms. Your habits. Whether you love silence or need background noise. Whether you’re tidy, chaotic, social, or solitary. There’s no one to perform for, no one to adjust around. Just you.

At first it can feel loud in its quiet. But then something shifts. You learn to sit with yourself after a long day instead of reaching for company. To comfort and regulate yourself. To handle the bills, the 2am noises, bin day. You become capable. Steady. Proud of your independence. You start to value the freedom to switch off or take space without asking.

Also, and this is important, you date differently when you love going home to your own place. You don’t tolerate nonsense just to avoid being alone. You start asking, “Does the person I’m dating align with who I’m becoming? If I lived with them, would they add to my peace or drain it?” The truth alone can save you years.

Living alone isn’t a rule or a test you must pass before true love. Just a season that sharpens and softens you at the same time. You develop a relationship with yourself first so when you eventually choose to live with someone, it’s not because you don’t know who you are — it’s because you do. Game changer!

If you’re in it now, lean in. Buy the rug. Have a solo rave. Enjoy building a life that’s fully yours - one that doesn't depend on someone else.

You’re not behind. You’re bravely learning how to stand on your own two feet before deciding to live with someone, and that’s powerful.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk, founder of @theindustrytea_

WHEN LOVE ISN'T ENOUGH

This post is inspired by an overheard conversation between a couple who, at the end of their discussion, decided "love just isn't enough" and ended their relationship. It was very sad.

Someone can love you deeply and still not choose you.

Not because the emotions weren’t real. Not because they didn’t feel it. But because loving you made them aware of the gap between who they are and who they believe they should be. Reminding them how far they think they still need to go — so they walk away, feeling incapable of standing beside the life you represent.

They see how you carry yourself. The way you move with purpose. How you handle your life. Instead of feeling inspired, they feel exposed. Like standing next to you highlights the parts of them that feel unfinished. Not broken. Just… not where they hoped to be by now.

That type of awareness can be loud and deeply uncomfortable.

Being with you might feel like stepping into a life that asks more of them — more responsibility, more growth, more depth. Even if you never asked for any of it. Even if all you wanted was to build side by side. In their mind, though, it might feel like pressure. Like they have to become a different version of themselves just to keep up.

So they drift toward what feels easy. Someone in the same season. The same pace. The same comfort zone, etc. With that person, there’s less fear of disappointing them. Less of that quiet voice whispering, “You’re behind.” It’s easier to relax when you don’t feel stretched — even if the stretching may have shaped you in the ways you want.

From the outside, it can look confusing. Why walk away from something meaningful? But love doesn’t automatically create capacity. Sometimes it simply shines a light on doubts that were already there.

So they perhaps choose comfort over growth. Not because their heart wasn’t involved, but because it was, and loving you felt like standing at the edge of something more than they felt equipped to carry at the time. 

Sometimes it’s not about who they want. It’s about who they feel capable of being.

For those navigating heartbreak: You have always been enough at every stage of your life. Not being chosen was never about you personally.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk, founder of @theindustrytea_

The image above was generated by A.I. Any resemblance of the male to real persons, living or dead, 

is purely coincidental and not intended to depict any specific individual.

GOD > LUCK

Growing up, luck felt real....

You might find money on the ground while playing outside. A parent might unexpectedly say “yes” when you were sure the answer would be “no.” A mock exam you’d been warned about might suddenly be cancelled, buying you more time. Moments like that made it easy to ask, “How lucky am I?”

But with age, wisdom, and experience, something shifts. You begin to see that luck, as we often define it, isn’t really what’s at work. More often than not, outcomes are shaped by effort, persistence, and showing up wholeheartedly. Even without perfect planning or preparation, when you give your best, something good - sometimes something great - tends to follow.

In my opinion, faith, hope, and prayer, paired with consistency and diligence, are what lead us toward the wins we long for. Luck is often just perception. God is the foundation beneath it all. No one can prove God’s existence outright, yet nearly everything around us quietly points toward Him.

God is a friend. God is reassurance. God is deliverance. God is strength. God is power. Luck lives in the mind; God is felt in the soul. One of my favorite bible verses, Matthew 19:26, reminds us: “With God all things are possible.”

Whatever season you’re in - whether full of happiness or facing challenges - you can turn to God in prayer. Speak honestly. Share the help you need, the burdens you’re carrying, the gratitude you feel, and the joy you’re holding. God’s response may not come instantly, but it often unfolds in ways you recognise days, weeks, or even months later.

There’s nothing wrong with believing in luck; at its core, it’s still an expression of hope. But God offers something deeper: steady comfort, faithful presence, and a place to surrender what weighs you down.

Whether you consider yourself a Christian or not, take a moment to sit with God. Pray. Talk as you would to a trusted friend—openly, freely, without filters. Allow yourself to be honest and, in that quiet space, let God show you why luck can never compare.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk, founder of @theindustrytea_

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

A SUBTLE RED FLAG!

Unfortunately, at some point in your working life, you’ll probably encounter (or perhaps have already encountered) people who treat you poorly simply because of who they believe themselves to be—propped up by their job title, career status or social position.

Far too many expect you to dance to their tune, bend your schedule around theirs, and sacrifice your priorities to accommodate their lifestyle, timeline, or ego. If you don’t? They’ll likely drop you without a second thought—offering hollow promises of “catching up soon,” which, let’s be honest, rarely happen. Even if they do resurface, it often leaves a bitter taste. You can’t shake the sense that their renewed interest has less to do with valuing you and more to do with their pool of options at the time of them reaching out.

I’ve never quite understood those who act as though their time and commitments are sacred while expecting others to be endlessly flexible. For some of us—those not considered “high status” or particularly influential in our field—it’s disheartening to see how easily we’re dismissed, as if our worth only exists when the so-called elites find a use for us.

The real challenge is staying composed, exercising restraint, and keeping your composure. There’s no need for drama—you don’t want to burn a bridge that might still serve a purpose someday, trust me! It’s tempting to give someone like that a verbal dressing down, but the smarter move is to thank them politely for their time and move on. They’ve actually done you a favour by revealing their true colours. Now you hold the power to decide if, or how, you’ll ever engage with them again.

In recent years, we’ve watched countless high-profile figures across industries exposed for their appalling treatment of junior staff, young people, and anyone deemed “beneath” them. Eventually, masks are unveiled and karma is delivered. Always act with good intentions, so you protect your dignity and self-worth in situations where someone may try to manipulate their connection to you for personal gain. Also, remember that you can choose to say "no" and/or walk away from anything or anyone that causes you to feel self-doubt.

Do not be disheartened by those who mistreat you - see the positives and stay on your path.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk, founder of @theindustrytea_

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

MEN ARE NOT COMPLICATED.

Hold your horses! “Let me land!” as da yout dem seh! Ha-ha…

Okay, so I’m speaking directly to those who date men romantically - mostly straight women, being that’s me too - and I’m sharing this after an encounter that reminded me of a thought I’ve been pondering: men are not complicated. Or… are they?

From what I’ve observed, many men seem to choose and stay in relationships based more on emotional ease and timing than on validation, ego, or status. They often gravitate toward dynamics that feel safe, low-pressure, and comfortable for who they are at that particular stage in life. Of course, this might look different for different personalities - some may lean toward avoidant attachment styles, while others might approach connection differently.

Some women I’ve seen (and perhaps some of us have done this ourselves) adopt a kind of performative helplessness or submissiveness in relationships, often in the hope of drawing a partner back. In my experience, this rarely creates lasting fulfillment, because relationships built on performance alone rarely last. Men, like anyone, stay in relationships by choice - they respond to authenticity, not just need.

For women who don’t naturally adopt performative dependence, even while embracing their femininity, the experience can feel different. These women may deeply want romance and long-term commitment, but “playing princess” doesn’t come naturally, and that can leave them in a state of uncertainty or waiting longer for the kind of partnership that truly fits them.

So, the question arises: can a relationship last when one or both partners are performing, compromising, or concealing parts of themselves? Or is lasting connection only possible when both show up authentically?

We all have standards, boundaries, and non-negotiables. None are right or wrong - they’re just different from person to person.

From what I’ve seen, many men who are wrestling with internal conflict - torn between who they are and who they want to be - tend to feel more comfortable with partners who don’t push them far outside their comfort zones. Even when a woman is willing to encourage, support, and challenge them in meaningful ways - whether spiritually, emotionally, or practically - they sometimes choose the “simple” option. This isn’t about lack of love; it’s often about safety, timing, and how ready someone is to be vulnerable. Many men quietly long to be truly seen and supported, without feeling diminished or judged.

Here’s the twist: communication can change everything. When men are given space, time, and attentive listening, they often open up. No interruptions, judgment, or passive nodding - just genuine curiosity and presence. The right kind of dialogue can create the safety and trust necessary for both partners to grow together.

I want to be clear - I’m not saying men or women are “the problem.” Relationships are complicated, yes, but often it’s less about being inherently complicated and more about a lack of open, authentic conversation. Love alone doesn’t always guarantee loyalty or lasting connection; emotional understanding and alignment are key.

Not all men fit these patterns. Many do the work to grow, heal, and cultivate self-awareness. But for those still figuring it out, relationships can feel like a constant push-and-pull between comfort and growth.

What do you think? Have you observed something similar, or completely different? DM me via Instagram! I’d love to hear your perspective.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk, founder of @theindustrytea_

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

The image above was generated by A.I. Any resemblance of the male to real persons, living or dead, 

is purely coincidental and not intended to depict any specific individual.

LIVING WITHOUT THE MASK

Can you relate?

Many of us have believed, or still believe, that feeling deeply is a sign of weakness - that acknowledging our truth somehow means we’re failing. In reality, sitting with your emotions is a form of release - free from guilt or the fear that they’ll trip you up later.

In the same way you do not need to parade your private life/personal business all over social media, you don’t have to announce your feelings to the world unless it’s truly necessary. You don’t have to talk them through with others, either, unless you’re struggling to make sense of them or want to offload. But you also don’t need to deny yourself the truth—living authentically matters. Freedom lives on the other side of honesty - I learned that the hard way.

In my twenties, like many girls in that age-group, I wore a mask every time I was faced with difficult or conflicting emotions. I’d be hurt but act unbothered. I’d feel sad but project happiness. I’d feel let down and pretend I didn’t care. The internal tug of war was intense and exhausting. The emotional and mental energy it took to maintain that façade wore me down. I was losing myself, losing people I cared about, and ultimately walking straight into the failure I was trying to avoid. Although not easy, I set about making significant changes once I entered my 30s. I had to if I wanted better for myself and for those who were still rocking with me. I'm now age 45 (at the time this article was written) and finally understand the meaning of the saying, "the truth will set you free".

I lead with authenticity, no matter what! I do so responsibly and respectfully, but always with complete honesty about where I am emotionally, even if it risks the end of a relationship or connection. I’d rather face a loss rooted in truth than have something or someone stay in my life because I was pretending. Accepting who you are at every stage of life is what makes true growth and healing possible.

It isn’t easy - being real with yourself about who you are and how you feel in every moment can be incredibly difficult, especially in the midst of conflict or challenges with others. But there is no greater reward than freeing yourself from the chains of living a lie!

Over the coming days and weeks, give yourself a reality check. What or whom are you falsely connected to and why? Did it begin with feeling pressure? Was it about a selfish gain? Fear maybe? How is wearing the mask working out for you? Equally, who or what did you let go without first exploring and working through the issues that were negatively impacting you? Get real with yourself and with them. The life you genuinely want will begin once you start walking in your truth. 

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk, founder of @theindustrytea_