PRIORITISE YOURSELF AND FIND PEACE

With the aim of living a happy and peaceful life, I now prefer to keep to myself because I find safety in my own company. While many people speak convincingly, hidden agendas often emerge later, leaving a devastating impact...

Although some believe being alone automatically equals loneliness, I've found the opposite to be true for me. In my teenage years and extending into my early thirties, I often felt lonely, overlooked, excluded, and uneasy, even though I was surrounded by many 'friends' and people. In reality, it was a lot of noise, chaos, let downs, deliberate conflict, obligations born out of misplaced loyalties and holes in my pockets! All of which resulted in daily battles with anxiety.

It's incredibly empowering to walk away from those whose behavior is narcissistic and harmful! Also, by choosing to decline work I feel would drain me both mentally and emotionally, regardless of the pay, I’ve nurtured a much calmer nervous system. Now that I'm in my 40s, I feel more content, healthier and in better alignment with myself. Furthermore, choosing to stay abstinent and single, while focusing on self-love, personal development, and my career goals, allowed me to strengthen my bond with myself and reevaluate my boundaries with others.

Our decisions impact our health. Where we live, how we are living, the company we keep (friends and family), who we speak to and how we speak with them, what we eat, the events we attend, the places we travel to, the people we date and/or have intimate contact with... What we wear, the music we listen to, the books we read, the online content we consume, what we choose to tolerate and/or refuse, even the type of pet we have, affects our state of mind and well-being. Experience has taught me that maintaining positive intentions for both yourself and others, while respecting the choices others make for their own lives, is essential for creating a balanced and fulfilling life of your own.

Regularly assessing your behaviour and making the necessary changes can greatly enhance how you feel each day and subsequently how you interact with others. We can only thrive as much as the life and lifestyle we cultivate.

Choose and do better so you can be better.

Written by Charley - @charleyjaiuk

All details and information correct and up to date at the time of publishing.

MEN AND WOMEN CAN'T BE FRIENDS

How many times have you heard or read, "it isn't possible for *straight men and straight women to be just friends"?. The common belief is that one of them will eventually develop romantic feelings towards the other. Myth or certified fact?

Perhaps the idea that *men and women can't be friends comes from those who have not experienced a platonic connection that has never crossed over into something physical. But then I think, "are some people sexually aroused by everybody they meet?". There's a huge difference, in my opinion, between attraction and physical desire. They are not one and the same, nor does the feeling of one subsequently lead to feeling the other.

Sometime in 2011, I met a *man through a work opportunity. I recall thinking, "okaaaayy, Mr beautiful dark skin" (I have always found dark skinned black/brown men most attractive), but that was it! 

We would go on to produce a super cool project together, alongside several others, and also become close friends. The friendship is kind, considerate, mutually positive, mature, wholesome, there is plenty of banter as well as effective communication, and it is refreshingly honest.

We were both in committed relationships when we met. While those relationships ended, our connection blossomed minus conflict, tension, or romance. Contrary to the untold quotes, reels, memes and many opinions on male and female dynamics and the suggestion they will eventually sleep together, this man and I have never been romantically aligned. It has been 14 years and we have not once flirted with each other, there have been zero innuendos shared, no intimate physical contact and most certainly no desire to be more than what we are. Friends.

I remain single and **he is now married. We are still great friends and our interactions and communication, albeit much less, continues to be what they have always been - respectful and supportive. The End.

Having a few *men in my life that are (and have only ever been) solid friends or like brothers to me is so important. I'm deeply grateful for each of them. 

They teach me, they protect/look out for me, they are kind and patient, they hold me accountable, they show up when they can, they're good at letting me know they value me, they tell me when they miss me, they support me and they're always ready to find solutions not argue. I feel safe with each of them, and that's the icing.

Based on personal experience, straight men and straight women can be friends even if there is an attraction. No blurred lines, no hidden agendas, just friends.

Written by @charleyjaiuk

**Duval Akonor consented to this article being published.

WHY EMPATHY IS IMPORTANT

Something they did, or said, perhaps an ongoing behaviour, or a u-turn on a mutual agreement, has caused tension to brew between the two of you, and your immediate reaction/response is defensive because you take their actions personally.

But, here's the thing...

You understand the challenges and obstacles you've faced in your own life so, why, if a loved one unexpectedly starts behaving differently, would you not take a moment to consider that they might be going through something difficult that they're struggling to navigate and express? Why isn’t empathy your first response, instead of interpreting their shift as a personal 'attack' on you and your relationship with them? Unless there is a clear and obvious reason for that interpretation...

Reflect on when and how you met that person. What were your circumstances at the time and what was the situation that led to you meeting each other? During the course of the friendship, were things always 50/50 or did you pour in more? How often were you there for each other? Are you realising that the friendship was one-sided, or have you concluded that (due to what you or they were going through when you met) one of you needed what the other was bringing and now you've outgrown the friendship? Even if what you have done to your friend, or what they did to you, is wrong, maybe it will serve you both to simply think about and acknowledge the lessons to be learned and then move forward without any conflict. Arguments bring chaos, things said that we often then regret, headaches, insecurities and more arguments!

"Life is short"—how many times have we heard or said that? Let it be your reminder to show your friend (and yourself) a little empathy.  Afford them some grace, allow yourselves the space to process things so you can move on from the upset in a positive way and let go if that’s what feels right.

It’s always tough when connections end, especially after years of love, care, and shared memories. Then you perhaps enter a phase where it feels like the other person’s actions suggest they might’ve been using you all along, more so if they easily walk away. But that’s where empathy comes in. Your peace of mind and keeping an honest heart matters most. Share your thoughts/feelings with the friend respectfully and invite them to do the same. If they don't, that's forever on them. Eventually, you both have to process the choices you made throughout the friendship. Your priority should be focusing on yourself and your needs moving forward. Life’s too short to settle for anything less when it comes to your well-being.

Regardless, be of the mindset that empathy is important and it starts with you.

Written by @charleyjaiuk

An inspired post albeit motivated by personal experiences.